Changing My Name

At some point, I’m changing my full legal name. I won’t tell you when, and the only people who will know what it is will be trusted individuals I know well. This way, after we move, you can’t find me. After having my address publicly published for thousands of people to see, receiving unsolicited mail, and having to file police reports, I’m not letting you know who I am, not anymore. I have always been honest with all of you, always shown my humanity, never pretended to be better than you just because I had an audience. I was real with everyone. Not anymore. I refuse to be stalked and harassed by people who simply don’t like me for one reason or another. Most of you don’t like me based on things you believe about me that aren’t true. I want to ask anyone I tell my new name to to please not use it online for the safety of me and my husband. I’m just Reitanna online, and that’s it. Honestly, I wish I could just become a different person. I want a new body, one that works. I don’t want people to recognize me. I can’t believe you ruined my life over a fan fiction. A story. About ponies.

I recently read an article about gaslighting. I had to laugh when I was done. It’s something people online (and only online) accused me of doing. Welp, I was right, turns out I haven’t gaslighted anyone online or in person. But guess who has? You know who it is. Oh, did you know that gaslighters often do it to their significant other? That’s their main victim. I’ve never gaslighted Michael. No one who has ever known me in person has accused me of the horrible things people online have. Not a single one of my many therapists have, no friends, no lovers, not even enemies. The fucking DSM-5 says I’m not a narcissist. I have not exhibited a single symptom, and have, in fact, proven over ten years that I’m not. It doesn’t bother me that people think I’m these things, it bothers me that people believe untrue things. If you’re going to hate me, hate me for something that’s actually true! I can’t stand it when people believe lies, whether it’s me, or a boy in a fictional book.

People liked that I responded to YouTube comments because many YouTubers don’t do that. I took that away. I took Muffins away. Now I’m taking away the personal aspect. This is now a business. You took all of this away from good, innocent, honest people. You ruined something that helped so many. You even ruined it for yourself, because remember, you did this all because you didn’t get what you wanted, and you got told off for being an entitled jerk. You put my life and my husband’s life in danger. I tried to kill myself. I am permanently damaged, physically and mentally because you couldn’t accept that I needed to take a break from writing a fucking story for my already bad health. Then you couldn’t stand that you got caught stealing from me. Maybe you shouldn’t have stolen from anyone in the first place? HMMMMM? Maybe you shouldn’t be a bad person? HMMMMMMM?????? You’re a bad person. If there’s a hell, I’ll be so satisfied to see you there being tortured worse than me because your sins are worse than mine. I bet you’re a pedophile too, why else would baby Lonnie turn you on? No normal person would look at a baby with Lonnie’s condition and think it’s supposed to be kinky. Also, I know you’re faking. If you’re not, then you shouldn’t expect people to believe you because you’ve lied so much. You’re the boy who cried wolf, except you haven’t gotten what you deserve yet. Did you orgasm when you found out I overdosed? Because I know you get off on other people’s suffering. You only care about yourself. You’re a narcissist. You’re everything you made people believe about me, except in your case, there’s proof. I wonder what else you’ve done. I wonder what you’ve done offline that no one knows about. What dark secrets are you hiding? What have you done to people in person?

I’ve never liked “Kara” anyway. I don’t want any connection to my parents. I wish I could change who I am completely. New DNA. But with this new name, I’m leaving a lot behind. I want to leave it all behind, but that’s not possible. I’ll leave behind as much as I can. One way or another, Kara Reynolds will cease to exist. Reitanna Seishin isn’t going anywhere, because you wanted to get rid of her, and you can’t have what you want. I won’t let you have your way. I let you have too much because it’s out of my control, but now I’m taking the reins on what I have left, AND YOU CAN’T HAVE WHAT YOU WANT. YOU FAILED. YOU JUST MADE THINGS WORSE. Just wait until I get better. You’ll regret everything. When I get better, you’ll wish you had just been a nice, honest person. I’m not gonna find you. I’m not gonna torture you or kill you. I won’t even have to talk to you. I’m not going to hire someone to kill you. You’ll actually be physically safe as far as I’m concerned. I don’t have to do anything illegal or bad to make you regret messing with me. Quite the opposite.

You’ll regret messing with me the same way I grew my audience in the first place. Fuck you. I’m going to get better. I’ll have to live with the trauma you have me, but FUCK. YOU. I’m going to get better, and you’ll get NOTHING. Not unless you pay, but are you THAT desperate for my attention?

The truth always comes out. You can lie online, but the more we live on the internet, the easier it is to find out the truth. That’s why I won’t lie. Someone always finds out. It could take ten years, it doesn’t matter. Don’t lie. SOMEONE ALWAYS FINDS OUT.

If quoting my favorite songs to express how I feel makes me a criminal, take me to jail.