Spread the Word of Awesome!

Archive for the ‘People = SHIT’ Category

Punished for Not Liking Rape

This happened on the adult custom game content site, LoversLab.

I got multiple unfair warning points and suspensions because I don’t like rape mods. I posted a status that quoted the mods’ reasoning for my first suspension, which literally told me I was being punished BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE THEM. Then I was suspended a second time because of this status, which was on MY profile, not on any thread, and I was accused of “crusading” against the mods that I don’t like. I can’t even begin to describe how completely idiotic that is. For one, you can’t punish me for voicing my opinion on MY profile if it’s not harassing someone. For two, you cannot punish me FOR NOT LIKING SOMETHING. I don’t like rape. I am a normal and sane person (well, not entirely, but still). You cannot change my mind, and you cannot force me to like it. I’M SORRY. This is not how forums work. There is no rule that says, “you are required to like all mods regardless of their content.” I don’t like the drug mods either. But most of all, I was not and am not CRUSADING. If I were crusading, I’d probably try to start a petition, I’d gather up as many LoversLab users as I could find that agree with me, and we’d all be actively DOING SOMETHING. I didn’t do shit. I am allowed to complain about it when it’s not even directed at anyone. So if “crusading” means giving up, not doing anything to change things, and simply saying how horrible it is, then I’d like to know where that definition came from.

My status last time showed the message I received from a mod that said I was being punished for not liking something on the site. I wanted to show how ludicrous that was. Again, you can’t punish someone for NOT LIKING SOMETHING!! That’s like if I was with a group of people who liked onions, but I don’t like onions, so they stone me to death! It doesn’t make sense and you know it. I contacted Ashal about this, but as far as I know, nothing’s been done so far since my points have not been removed. Let me mention that I correctly reported the mod. When you click “report,” it gives you reasons for reporting it that you have to check before providing additional details (I included a screenshot). If there hadn’t been a reason that matched mine, I wouldn’t have reported it, but there was. THE VERY FIRST ONE said, “this is okay, but I want to tell a moderator about it.” After filling it out, I got warned for it. Um, okay? When I questioned this, I was told that I reported a mod, not a comment. Uh… yeah, I know, and I was able to report it because my reason was on the checklist. I was told, “The abuse of the report button comes from you reporting something you deem is wrong and that we should take it down because you don’t like it.” For one, if I’m not allowed to report it for the reason I chose, why is the option there? For two, no, I didn’t say, “you should take it down because I don’t like it.” I can’t actually access my report, so I can’t quote it, but I KNOW I didn’t say that. I’m sure I mentioned that it was indeed wrong, and it should be taken down… not because I don’t like it, because it’s WRONG. I wanted the moderators to be aware of its existence because I DID NOT KNOW THAT ZOOPHILIA WAS ALLOWED HERE. How could I know that something as vile as child pornography was allowed here? I CORRECTLY reported something using the reasons I was given as choices to check. What should’ve happened was that a moderator should’ve messaged me and said, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing we can do, as this is allowed on site.” Not. A fucking. Warning.

Second warning point was for “abusive behavior,” which I assume came about when I was asking someone on the support thread how anyone could think it was okay. I explained my feelings and was trying to understand from them what the appeal was. I was sobbing as I wrote it, and I’m trying not to cry right now. The reason I was given was this:

“You are getting a warning point that will last for a month because you don’t like something that is allowed on this site.

You will not be able to post or respond to any topic for a week.

If you don’t like a mod just skip it. If its content is not against our rules it will stay.”

That’s right, like I said before… because I don’t like it. Not because I argued about it, not because my desperate attempt to understand was mistaken for harassment, but BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE IT. After my suspension, I posted a status quoting this message, and then I said something like, “I didn’t know we’re required to like every mod. Sorry, but I’m not a sick freak,” or something. It’s been too long, I don’t remember, and it’s gone now, THEY deleted it. Then, I was given THREE warning points with this message:

“You’re given an additional warning and a month-long posting restriction for continuing your crusade against content we allow in your status update, after being repeatedly told to stop. What is and isn’t allowed in terms of content isn’t going to change. What you can and cannot say when you don’t like a type of content is also set in stone: see our site rule number 1. It’s the first one for a reason. If you cannot abide by it, feel free to delete your account. Continuing like this will result in a ban.” (Let me mention that I was not repeatedly told to stop, as it was my first status on the matter. Actually, I was not repeatedly told to stop anything, only repeatedly told I abused the report button, WHICH I DIDN’T).

Rule number one states the following:

“The biggest and most important thing of this community is that the modders come first. They are the ones who make this community worth coming to, they are the ones enabling you to even play these mods.  Meaning if you don’t like the way a mod is going, don’t be a jerk about it, they can take the mod in whatever direction they want. Don’t like it? Then make your own release and put the work in yourself. Find a bug or issue that needs to be fixed? Don’t be a jerk about it and raise your concerns and feedback in a constructive manner.”

What I take from that is say…. let’s see… well, I have a problem with heterosexual incest for scientific reasons, and not because it’s taboo. However, if like… a brother and a sister are stupid enough to fuck, well… it’s not hurting either of them, is it? It’s consensual. It’s illegal in most places for a VERY good reason, but the reason has nothing to do with force. The only person it technically harms is the messed up baby they might have. So rule number one says I can’t comment on a mod with heterosexual incest couples and say like, “this is wrong, you know that they can reproduce, right? We don’t need any more fuck ups in the gene pool.” Sure, I’m thinking this, but I’m not gonna say it! Why? Because it’s not really hurting anyone.

Same with drug mods. I figured that they are allowed here, but that doesn’t mean I like them. In my head, I am shaming every single person who wants such a thing in their game because I am hardcore straight edge and for good reasons. Still, I keep my mouth shut and move on.

But rape? RAPE?! That doesn’t even come CLOSE to what I previously mentioned!! Understandably, child porn is not allowed here because it’s not just illegal, but harmful, MORALLY WRONG, and can trigger PTSD flashbacks in real people who come across it. What else falls under those reasons? Rape (zoophilia is rape). I was told this:

“You reported a MOD not a comment. On the report you stated how you think the fetish is wrong and that we the moderators should have enough common sense and take it down. We have common sense we know what is and isn’t allowed on the site. Bestiality isn’t against the sites rules.

“The foundation of this site is built upon fetishes like bestiality rape slavery vore nudity sex and so on. As long as the stuff isn’t against the sites rules like stuff dealing with children then it’s allowed on the site.

We get too many people who report files just because they don’t like a specific fetish.”

Once again, yes, I know I reported a mod, and I chose the correct reason to do so. If I’m not allowed to do that, DON’T MAKE IT AN OPTION. And yes, people with common sense would not allow these kinds of things on their site. Now… how was I supposed to know that bestiality wasn’t against the rules? I don’t see it there. I don’t see a rule that says rape is allowed. I see that CP is not. I also see rule number four:

“If you find yourself asking, ‘Should I post this questionably legal content?’ The answer is simply no.”

Funny, ain’t it? In fact, the only way I learned that human rape is allowed here was by me reporting a “forced sex” mod when I was new to this site. Actually, this story relates to another thing I was told:

“The abuse of the report button comes from you reporting something you deem is wrong and that we should take it down because you don’t like it. Bestiality mods are not against the sites rules and my warning that you got isn’t the first one you have gotten from a moderator for the same thing so you can’t try to play innocent. [person] [person] [person] and me have all given you a warning for the same thing.

Your free to message Ashal if you like.”

(I love the use of proper punctuation.) “You can’t try to play innocent.” I don’t “play” anything. Dude, I’m twenty-eight years old, what adult “plays” innocent? I AM innocent, and I’ll tell you why. The first time I reported a mod (the forced sex one), I was properly reacted to with a civil message from an admin that explained it was allowed on the site. They even said they personally don’t agree with it. I questioned them about why, but eventually, even though I still don’t understand why, it came to, “that’s just the way it is.” HOWEVER… after I reported the mod, I reported a comment for asking the creator, “can you make them scream and cry so it seems like they’re suffering more?” This comment made me want to throw up. I thought, “this is illegal,” so I clicked report on the comment. So far, I had clicked the report button ONCE on two separate things. So I got warned by the RUDEST admin here, but as you may have noticed, I’m not mentioning people by name. Anyway, he gave me a warning for “abusing the report button.” That’s when I contacted Ashal, and long story short, he agreed that the admin should not have acted that way, and my point was removed.

I had another run in with this site’s rudest admin, but I don’t remember why, probably because it was another stupid reason. He was even more rude, and at one point, he said, “I busted your ass for abusing the report button too.” I reminded him that Ashal said he was out of line, and even showed him the messages. I had to contact Ashal AGAIN to set this guy straight! So yeah, moderator who said “you can’t try to play innocent,” I HAVE gotten warning points before… and they were ruled as unjustified and REMOVED. And those other admins you mentioned were also in the wrong for warning me for this! I reported the zoophilia mod ONCE. I clicked the button ONCE. I was able to find my reason given to me BY THE SITE. I. Did. Not. Do. Anything. WRONG!!

And they said, “We get too many people who report files just because they don’t like a specific fetish.” OKAY! There you go! If you get that many people complaining about fucking RAPE, then don’t allow it!! JESUS CHRIST!! And it’s not a fetish! These are criminal urges that these monsters have, and you’re encouraging them! I’ve never been raped in reality, but upon seeing the zoophilia mod, I almost threw up. I was crying, I was SCARRED, I could not find happiness for WEEKS. After this ordeal that you people have put me through, I feel like I need therapy!

I was brutally raped in a nightmare I had once, one of the most detailed and realistic ones I’ve ever had. First let me explain that I suffer from C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder), which is a type of PTSD victims of abuse suffer from. I was only molested once in my life for a brief moment, but I was too young to understand it, and it has not scarred me. My PTSD comes from child abuse. Because of this, I have what I affectionately call “nightmare seasons.” Ask anyone who has a form of PTSD, and they can confirm that this is a regular thing. It’s where you have brutal nightmares and night terrors that occur nearly every night for weeks, sometimes months on end. They will stop for a brief period of time (a few days or weeks), and you will have normal nightmares and dreams, but then the nightmares return for another merciless round. These are nightmares that haunt you for days at a time, maybe more. They affect your mood during the day, you can’t get them out of your head, you feel physically exhausted, mentally drained, and you usually wake up drenched in cold sweat. My side of the mattress has a big pink stain where my sweat has made the pink color of our sheets run. Not only that, but my dreams are so realistic, it’s as if the me in this reality goes to bed only to shift to another me in a different reality, and then I return to my reality when SHE goes to sleep.

Anyway, I wrote a blog about it, one that took me six hours to write. It’s here if you want to read it: https://reitannaseishin.wordpress.com/2017/04/24/dreams-and-the-multiverse-theory/

This projection (person who exists in your dreams), Randy, shows up a lot. In short, this extremely violent nightmare tied together a string of other nightmares into a story (I wrote a blog about how my dreams all connect with each other too), solving a LOT of mysteries, like why I’m crippled in most of my dreams. It’s because Randy, after brutally killing my adopted child, held me on my hands and knees, pointed a gun at the back of my head, raped me, and then shot me in the spine. I FELT EVERYTHING. I always do. I ALWAYS feel pain in my dreams, and also pleasure, but this hurt. This hurt so bad, I am still not over it. It was so fucking real, when I woke up, I was confused as to where I was. I started sobbing, and my poor boyfriend was absolutely bewildered. I didn’t think that that would scar me… it wasn’t real, right? But it did. I am not saying that I now qualify as a rape victim. What I’m saying is, if a DREAM did that to me, how the fuck do you think it affects people who experience it for REAL?

Fetishes are not supposed to harm people unless all who are involved consent to it. Rape of any species is not a fetish. When I complained about it, I was bullied for it. “Land of Confusion,” anyone? One mentioned that it didn’t hurt anyone because it was just a game, that it’s ENTERTAINING if it’s fake. But you know what? It DOES hurt people. It didn’t just hurt me to see it, it fucking DESTROYED me. Even trying to ignore it, if it’s even MENTIONED, I break down. The human rape mods aren’t as bad as the zoophilia one, so you can imagine just how traumatizing it was. Would you fuck your child? Well, that’s what you’re doing to your beloved cat or dog. You’re RAPING your child. I look at my son, Jerry, who is a rat, and I don’t see someone sexy, I see someone precious that I want to protect and care for, someone to love platonically until I die, someone to cherish and respect. It’d be the same if he were a dog, cat, or even a lizard. He is my child, I adopted him, and he is EVERYTHING TO ME.

I actually did try to change things on this site. I tried contacting the company the site was bought from, and I tried bringing the case to EA. I never got an answer from the former, and I didn’t hear the conclusion from the latter. After that, I gave up trying to change it, and I ignored it like y’all wanted me to. But then you accuse me of CRUSADING just by posting a status? Am I going to get banned for posting this blog? I’m doing this because I NEED TO. I’m not trying to change your mind, if I were, I’d actually DO something! I’m not some SJW that acts like she’s gonna do something about it but doesn’t! I have very important rules that I live by. The first one is, NEVER TRUST ANYONE. Second, ALWAYS be honest. Third, hope is a waste of time, faith is a lie, and you should give up on your dreams because they never come true anyway. Are you afraid of me? You shouldn’t be, I have no power. I’d love to snap my fingers and eliminate all of the disgusting monsters on this planet, but I can’t. I am no threat to you. You guys did a lot of mental damage to me, congratulations, but seriously, what are you expecting me to do? Do you know how much I’ve had to endure during my life? Enough to know that giving up is the only option. I gave up before you gave me that second fucking suspension, in which case ALL warning points and suspensions were unjustified, unreasonable, and unfair.

I seriously hope Ashal delivers repercussions for your insubordination. Plus, how many people are reading my blogs or looking at my status anyway? One or two people?! Yup, I’m building me an army. Maybe you guys should mention in the rules that crimes such as rape are allowed. That way, instead of punishing people, and THEN telling them it’s allowed, they will already know. You can’t punish a child for drawing on the walls if you never taught it that it’s wrong.

Now leave me alone.

Untitled-1

~:::UPDATE:::~

I got banned for posting this journal. My account was reactivated, but still, I got banned simply for speaking my mind, and the journal was removed. The only reason I still go to LoversLab is because it’s the only place that has quality adult Sims content. Otherwise I wouldn’t deal with the heavy corruption happening behind the scenes of this website. I’m sorry, but if you enjoy rape, if you consider it a fetish, if you WANT it, you are sick, you are a criminal, and you should be eradicated. I wish I ruled the world.

Advertisements

I Know I Can Seem Bitchy

Not a lot of people read my blog here, which is part of the reason I go to it to really vent. Whether people read it or not, posting my feelings makes me feel like I’m speaking to someone who is there just to listen, like a therapist. And those who do read it have told me how much they can relate to me.

But I completely understand that, especially through text, I can come off as abrasive, hostile, unfriendly, and downright bitchy. Well, there’s honestly a few reasons for that. With text, the main reason is how the reader chooses to read something, and that applies to many people online; so many misunderstandings have ended up in fights and lost friendships just because someone chose to read the text in an unfriendly tone. Not only that, but everyone who knows me knows that I have speech and social development problems that cannot be fixed. I hate them. People accuse me of thinking I’m better than everyone else, or that I’m vain, or that I think I’m special. The one that really grinds my gears is when people think I talk about my problems because I want others to feel sorry for me.

I am sorry I come off this way. I would change it if I could. I try my hardest to be nice to individuals who are also kind, people who deserve to be treated well because they treat others well. But when I rant, I’m releasing a lot of pent up feelings and emotions that aren’t directed toward any one person alone, but types of people, or situations, or even things that really aren’t a big deal. That’s me bitching, I know. I’m a woman, women bitch. XD Still, it’s my therapy, and it makes me feel better. Plus, it’s a very healthy way to get out your anger and frustrations, something I have been told by professionals and non-professionals alike. Some people drink or do drugs. Some people punch holes in their walls or beat their spouse. Some people kill people. I complain on a blog that hardly anyone reads. Sometimes I complain on videos, which surprised me when people gave positive feedback. Sometimes I’ll rant in a journal on DeviantArt if I feel I need some feedback or response, if I need to see if people feel the same way so that I know I’m not alone. Not everyone is going to agree with my views, and I get that. Still, sometimes, even though my logical brain knows that there are nearly eight billion people on the planet, and statistically, it’s impossible for me to be the only one with these specific views or problems, my irrational brain will tell me, “you’re abnormal, no one feels the same as you, you’re alone.” Those are not happy thoughts. If I can find comfort in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone, I am allowed to do that, even if a small few find it annoying, or even if some incredibly sad person decides to post segments of my rants up on a cyberbullying website and deliberately leaves out ANYTHING that shows that what they are saying of me is not true.

I am an honest person with many problems. Just because I’m open about my problems, doesn’t mean I enjoy having them. Honestly, I have mad respect for my boyfriend, who is mentally healthy and can shove things off easily. I wish I could do that. I choose to try, naturally, but my brain does not allow it. My brain does not allow me to take criticism, though most “criticism” I get is from people who don’t know the difference between “criticism” and blatantly insulting someone’s work. I’m sorry, but I can’t control this either, but why should it concern anyone else? It’s not your problem, and letting it bother you is just wasting your time and energy off of something that’s nothing. It’s not because I only want to hear good things, it’s because, if something is wrong with my work, my irrational brain says, “well, there you go, you fucked it up. Good job, you worthless piece of shit. Why do you even try? Just give up.” These thoughts aren’t fun, and I don’t understand how people could hold it against me for having them. If you’ve got a problem with how my irrational brain works, please, for the love of god, become a scientist and find the cure for mental illness. I will bow down to you and praise you like a deity.

What people don’t understand is, I may seem bitchy when I’m complaining, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a friendly person. There are other people like me who lack certain social skills. In fact, for those of you who watch The Game Theorists on YouTube, you’ll know that one of their editors (and dear friend) killed himself. When MatPat was describing his personality, it was shockingly similar to mine, how his way of speaking was something others had to get used to, how only his close friends ever knew what he meant when he was speaking, HOW PEOPLE THOUGHT HE WAS EXTREMELY RUDE OR UNKIND WHEN HE WASN’T MEANING TO COME OFF THAT WAY. In fact, one of the things Ronnie didn’t have in common with me is that he bottled everything up. I’m willing to bet that he could have greatly benefitted from doing what I do and just letting it all out, just so that it doesn’t fester inside and create this unstable ball of misery and self-loathing. He’s not the only one either. I try to encourage people to get things off their chest, even if no one is listening. People come to me to vent or to get advice, and I love that because it means that they are using me as an outlet to feel better about themselves… you know, in a way that isn’t harassment. And you know what? So many people have told me that I stopped them from killing themselves. That makes me feel good because this world needs to be rid of the bad people, not the kind-hearted. Do I think I’ll save the world? Of course not, that’s silly. How much difference am I making? I don’t know, but even a small difference is important to me. I don’t believe I have any other purpose but to try and help people not be like me. It also makes me hate humanity even more when people vent to me about problems way worse than I’ve ever personally dealt with, things that make me feel sick. I’ll never understand how people enjoy using sex as a weapon.

Also, the “pity” thing. I’ve said it so many times, I’m surprised people still accuse me of trying to get y’all to feel sorry for me. “Oh, poor Reitanna! She has to deal with so much crap! I feel so sorry for her!” Tell me, does that sound pleasant to you? Yeah, me either. When people pity me for my personal shortcomings, it makes me feel like I shouldn’t try to battle them, it makes me feel like… well, like I’m pitiful! I need sympathy in the times that really matter, such as the sickness or death of a loved one, and really, that sympathy isn’t even for me, it’s for the one who suffered. If I have a pet who dies, I tell everyone because, for one, people often fall in love with my babies too, and for two, because that baby deserves the love that is expressed by those giving their sympathy. But for my own sicknesses? My flaws? My upbringing? Sure, no one deserves what I’ve been though, but the truth is, millions do. I’m far from the only one suffering, and as previously mentioned, there are plenty of people who suffer worse fates. This isn’t some contest. I just love how people don’t realize that I am helping myself. I chose to see a psychiatrist and get help. I choose to vent my feelings instead of drown in them. I choose to try and stay as strong as I can for the people I love. To pity me is like saying none of it was worth it, that as far as I’ve come, it was a waste of time. All I ever want when I am talking about my problems is for people to understand and empathize. I mean, how else am I going to defend myself when people think I’m being a bitch?! “This is why I come off like that…” I explain my issues to help people understand why they misjudged me. That’s not a crime, that’s just honesty. What, am I supposed to make up some fake reason? That’s called “lying.”

People also think that I’m upset or something when I’m not, simply because of the way I type, but if you heard me speak, you’d know the difference. Actually, if you’ve seen the way I type when I’m upset, the difference is black and white. In my channel video, I’m showing my bubbliness, and in the description, it says not to leave hateful comments. That’s not me going from 😀 to >:(, that’s me giving a reasonable demand to help protect both myself and people commenting on my videos. There’s not indication that that sentence gave any negative intent, you know, unless you wanted to leave a hateful comment, in which case, you’re a very sad individual with whom I don’t wish to associate. If I’m upset or being mean, you’ll know. “And don’t you fuckers leave any fucking shitty comments, or I swear to FUCKING god…” Doesn’t that sound hostile? Doesn’t that make, “don’t leave hateful comments” sound civil now? That’s because it always was, you just chose to take offense to something that does not show offensiveness. If people find me even the least bit annoying, which I don’t blame you, and they have nothing better to do than to make mountains out of molehills, which I do blame you for, they will fit my words to their narrative. For instance, the blog I posted about my dermatillomania… showing only the things I say where I’m bitching, and then not posting the part where I say I’m not looking for pity makes others believe I want pity. That’s why I always tell people to come to me to get the truth. Most people who make hateful threads about me are people who either misunderstand me, or are just hateful bastards who want to ruin my, what they call “popularity.” Or they want my “white knights” to fight with them or something. They are simply juveniles with lower self esteem than I have, and that’s saying something. I mean, c’mon… “white knights?” That’s pitiful.

And they say, “if you don’t want hate, don’t post shit on the internet.” You know, that’s sad. It’s sad that the human race is so hateful, that we are supposed to expect everyone to bash our heads in every time we post something. Yeah, it’s true that most of the people who use the internet are sheep who hide behind their computer screens pretending to be big bad wolves, but that doesn’t change the fact that there are still kind, honest, and fun people to communicate with. I have social anxiety disorder, this is my only means of socializing. No, I don’t expect to receive hate for what I post, because I’m not doing anything wrong. If I do receive hate, it’s not my fault, it’s theirs. I want to have fun, be happy, feel accomplished, and share my successes that prove I am ten times better than either of my stupid parents ever even hoped to be. Every human likes praise and positive attention. I work hard, I work to get the kind of attention everyone wants, the kind that all hard workers deserve. I have a curse; the desire to prove myself. You would too if you were told all your life that you’d fail by the people who were supposed to love you.

And yeah, I think I’m ugly without makeup. I am a very eccentric person, I like bright colors, flashy clothes, gaudy jewelry, etc. And you know what? Without my makeup, all I see in the mirror is the woman who gave birth to me just to make my life a living hell. That whore is the ugliest piece of shit on the fucking planet, and I could literally be her twin. I love makeup. I’m even a certified makeup artist. I can do all types of makeup, from subtle and casual to dramatic and whimsical. I’ve gotten more compliments on my appearance when I’m wearing what I like to wear than without. My boyfriend also loves it when I make myself look my best (he thinks I’m pretty anyway, but I disagree with him). I’m his type of girl. If you have a problem with my choice in fashion, that’s your problem, not mine. Maybe you just need to dress the way you want too and stop being a sheep. Or maybe you need to focus on real problems, like school, your job, bills, chores, whatever. Get up, go learn a new skill, get a hobby or two! Here I am learning 3D modeling and game coding on top of many other talents and hobbies, and here you are, sitting in a corner, hating on someone that doesn’t deserve it, being all unhappy and angry… I’m going to be someone’s wife soon.

But really, to whoever is reading this, I just want you to know that I am easily misunderstood due to my less desirable idiosyncrasies, and I am sorry if you hear some really bad things about me. I’m even more sorry if you believe them. If you truly don’t like me for whatever reason, there are two things you can do: You can either come to me and ask me civil questions to cure your misunderstandings, or you could just forget me. I’m not everywhere, I’m not in the news, I’m not “trending,” it’s easy to move on from me. I am not important to you. I am not hurting you. I think I deserve the same kindness I am giving you by not hurting you. I don’t have any reason to bitch at any one person unless they start shit first. And just because I bitch about stuff in rants, and just because I bitch out people who decided to throw the first stone at me, does not mean I am a bitch to everyone, and it also does not mean that everything I say is bitchy. Not everyone is going to like everyone, but no one deserves to be a victim of slander.

And as a parting note, I don’t think I’m special. No one is special. I’m a perfectionist that is far from perfect, and that drives me INSANE. There’s a difference between vanity and self esteem, and when I try to have a little self esteem, it’s no excuse for anyone to claim I’m vain. Actually, I wish I were vain… then I’d have high self esteem. XD

 

This post has not been proofread. Any typos or misspellings simply prove I’m human.

Pardon Me for a Second…

I need to get something out. This entry has no other purpose. I will be referencing “you,” but I guarantee the “you” is no one reading this. So… just let me empty my bottle for a moment…

*ahem*

 

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!! YOU CAN’T FUCKING TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THIS!!! LIKE FUCKING DIRT!!! YOU FUCKING SAY THAT I ACCUSED SOMEONE OF SOMETHING, AND THERE’S NO WAY YOU COULD POSSIBLY THINK THAT!! YOU KNOW IT!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE STUPIDEST FUCKING IDIOT ON THE GODDAMN PLANET!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO FUCKING READ?? IF I FUCKING SAY I DIDN’T INTEND TO DO SOMETHING, I FUCKING MEAN IT!! BUT NO, YOU HAVE AUTHORITY, SO THEREFORE, YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE UP SHIT, ACT LIKE IT’S TRUE, AND PUNISH ME FOR SOMETHING I DIDN’T FUCKING DO!! I FEEL SORRY FOR EVERYONE WHO IS FORCED TO ASSOCIATE WITH YOU, YOU SAD, LONELY PIECE OF FUCKING TRASH!!! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO FUCKING EXPLAIN MYSELF, IF YOU HAD ANY READING COMPREHENSION, THIS WOULD’VE NEVER HAPPENED!! YOU TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD, SO HERE I AM, THROWING A TANTRUM LIKE A CHILD IN A CORNER OF THE INTERNET WHERE YOU CAN’T SEE ME!!! I BET YOU’RE JUST LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF THAT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO AN INNOCENT PERSON!!! IF I WERE TO FUCKING ACCUSE SOMETHING, I’D FUCKING SAY IT!!! WHERE ARE YOU GETTING YOUR INFORMATION??? I HONESTLY WOULDN’T MIND GRABBING YOUR FACE AND BASHING YOUR FUCKING HEAD AGAINST A BRICK WALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOUR SKULL FUCKING CRACKS!!! YOU DESERVE THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF YOU!! YOU’RE A FUCKING EGOTISTICAL TWAT THAT’S JUST A WASTE OF FUCKING SPACE!! A WASTE OF ENERGY!! MATTER!!! MASS AND GENETIC RESOURCES!!! YOU’VE GOT TO BE DUMB AS SHIT TO MISCONSTRUE MY WORDS IN THE MOST CONFUSING WAY!! YOU SAY I’M ACTING LIKE I DID NOTHING WRONG? THAT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING FUCKING WRONG YOU DUMB SHIT!!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I SAY I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG?!? ARE YOU JUST THAT STUPID?? YOU GODDAMN FUCKER!!! I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!! I FUCKING DESPISE PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE BRAIN SKILLS TO FIGURE OUT WHEN SOMEONE IS BEING HOSTILE OR NOT!!! NEWS FLASH…. THIS IS FUCKING HOSTILE!!! DO I NEED TO FUCKING RECORD MY VOICE TO SHOW YOU THE TONE I MEANT IT IN??? YOU FUCKTARD??? PICK UP A FUCKING BOOK AND LEARN SOME READING COMPREHENSION YOU DUMBASS SHITFACED CUNT!! I CANNOT STAND STUPID PEOPLE!!! YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!! DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEING ACCUSED OF THINGS??? DO YOU THINK I ENJOY MAKING PEOPLE ANGRY??? FUCK YOU!! I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!!! I SHOULDN’T WANT TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A STEEL BAT!!! IT’S NOT LIKE I’M GOING TO, BUT STILL, THE FEELING OF WANTING TO IS AGGRAVATING!!!! YOU’VE GOT NO LOGIC OR REASON IN YOU, DO YOU?!? FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!! IF I WANTED A FIGHT, I’D FUCKING LAY IT DOWN YOU STUPID SHIT!!! YOUR POOR FAMILY MUST BE SO TIRED OF YOUR SHIT!!! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR OWN SHIT!!! THIS IS ME BLOWING UP!!! THIS IS HOSTILITY!!!! THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR!!! OH, AND LEARN HOW TO FUCKING SPELL YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!!!!

 

*sigh*

Alright then. Back to work.

Problem with Sims 4 CC Creators

Okay, so here’s the deal. Too many creators of Sims CC have this idea in their heads that they can restrict other people from using their content in certain ways; not including the mesh when recoloring, not modifying the mesh, not posting their creations on other websites even with credit, and worst of all, charging money for “exclusive” content. Sometimes it’s just because creators didn’t read EA’s service agreement… and sometimes it’s outright vanity. Note that what I post here comes straight from EA and the Sims team, and are absolute fact.

 

First off, section five of the service agreement: https://www.ea.com/terms-of-service#section5

 

“You are responsible for your UGC. You may not upload UGC that infringes a third party’s intellectual property rights or that violates the law, this Agreement or a third party’s right of privacy or right of publicity.

EA may, in its sole discretion, remove, edit or disable UGC for any reason, including if EA reasonably determines that UGC violates this Agreement. EA does not assume any responsibility or liability for UGC, for removing it, or not removing it or other Content. EA does not pre-screen all UGC and does not endorse or approve any UGC available on EA Services.

When you contribute UGC, you grant to EA, its licensors and licensees a non-exclusive, perpetual, transferable, worldwide, sublicensable license to use, host, store, reproduce, modify, create derivative works, publicly perform, publicly display or otherwise transmit and communicate the UGC, or any portion thereof, in any manner or form and in any medium or forum, whether now known or hereafter devised, without notice, payment or attribution of any kind to you or any third party. You also grant all other users who can access and use your UGC on an EA Service the right to use, copy, modify, display, perform, create derivative works from, and otherwise communicate and distribute your UGC on or through the relevant EA Service without further notice, attribution or compensation to you.”

 

I went ahead and asked for a short of “dumbed down” summary of this section. I was told this: https://answers.ea.com/t5/Game-Information/inquiry-about-EA-service-agreement/m-p/6476531/highlight/false#M1933

 

 

Also:

 

“As per the User Agreement, all user generated content (UGC) cannot be restricted by the creator if they use EA game assets. UGC includes not only CC or mods, UGC can also be screenshots from the game, videos, or content you upload to the Gallery.

By restricting we mean the following:

  • Requires payment
  • Requires creator permission

 

However, even if not required, it is considered common courtesy to credit a creator if you re-use and slightly modify their created content.”

 

And lastly, from a SimGuru: http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/comment/16175450/#Comment_16175450

 

“CC/Mods locked behind a paywall and Patreon.

  1. CC/Mods Locked Behind Paywalls – Creators cannot lock content they make using our game behind a paywall. While we do not police this content (there is no way we would create a team simply to monitor this) we do take reports sent to us seriously and action accordingly.
  2. Patreon – We understand that folks who make CC / Mods for others to enjoy are doing it in their free time and may desire to offset costs to create the content by using this service. As long as the content is still made available FOR FREE we do not mind these types of pages. Folks who have a Patreon page are welcome to provide folks with “early access” incentives for their content but it should be made available to the general public within 2-3 weeks of it being given to folks early.”

 

I think all of that is pretty clear. I myself was under the assumption some time ago that I owned my CC, and that I could say things like, “you cannot recolor without my permission!! You can’t include the mesh!!!” Welp, I was wrong, just like many creators are. OR SOME PEOPLE DON’T CARE LIKE PANDORASIMS. That site indeed steals free content from creators and demands you pay a monthly fee to have access to all of it. They even say on their contact page: *WARNING: NSFW-ADULT CONTENT-18+*http://pandorasims.net/contact.html

 

“READ BEFORE EMAILING! EMAILS that WILL get deleted:

 

  1. Asking about anything not related to this site.
  2. Stupid stuff like just saying hello.
  3. Requests for free subscriptions.
  4. About what I am doing is wrong. Tough tits I’m doing it I DON’T CARE what YOU think! I don’t even read these emails don’t waste your time!
  5. Copyright bullshit. These are unofficial mods they have NO copyright so All your mods are belong to me!
  6. About how you paid for mods your paying for the convenience and the self installer which makes YOUR life easier that’s what YOUR paying for!
  7. ANY spam will automatically get deleted and your email BLOCKED FOREVER. So your wasting your time!
  8. ANY urls or web address’s will be blocked. SO kiss my ass spammers!”

 

As far as I know, the site is ran by one person, and they sound like some angsty teen who likes to break any rule because that makes them “hardcore.” On the FAQ, it says: http://pandorasims.net/faq.html

 

Q: Do you realize what your doing is unethical and wrong?!
A: No it’s not because everything created in the sims is unofficial mods and they have NO copyright.”

 

That answer is NOT correct. But of course, if you were to try and email them with the correct information, they’d “delete it sucka!” Some of YOUR stuff might even be on PandoraSims. Please urge anyone with an account to cancel it, and report the site to EA to help get it shut down. It’s not just unethical, it’s illegal.

As for actual creators, yes, we must have common courtesy and credit anyone whose work we use, but creators must also know that they cannot put such restrictions on their content. All of this should not be used as an excuse to claim other people’s work as your own, but it SHOULD be used to broaden creative freedom and abolish fear mongering. We may all use any CC however we want, and that opens up new and broader opportunities for artists developing this content, but we should not be rude about it.

If you’re on Patreon, and you have exclusive content only available to people who donate, please consider the facts and operate honestly, allow all of your content to anyone, and simply switch to the early access option mentioned above. Know your rights as creators.

A recent incident has caused Emma’s Simposium to shut down because Emma was being constantly harassed by eight Patreon users, the “leader” being Leosims. Leosims allegedly said that no matter where Emma went or what she did, Leosims would be there and she would destroy Emma and Emma’s Simposium.

For those of you who do not know what Emma’s Simposium was, it was a site that provided lost content, as well as content that the original creators demand money for. Every item was credited, and as said above, she had every right to post that stuff. Still, she was being harassed, so she quit providing Patreon content. Apparently someone else took that up, but Leosims and seven unnamed creators accused the person of being Emma, and ended up threating them. An email from Emma began with, “When I decided to give up the paid/patreon content and let someone else carry the burden for a while I thought that would be the end of it and I could focus on the missing content and create a new site that would out shine any other site that offered to find and share missing content. But that was not the case. After enduring a ton of harassment and being threatened even after I no longer had anything to do with the sharing of patreon content and the threats to an innocent person that had nothing to do with the patreon content I have decided to quit the sims all together. Believe me this decision did not come easy and comes with a heavy heart.”

This was all because a few creators don’t understand (or care) about the law. It is disgusting that someone would do this when it is within their rights. I can only imagine the cruelty that these creators decided to bestow upon innocent people in order to “destroy” them. Leosims and those seven other creators should feel ashamed of themselves, and Leosims needs to get off her high horse and start obeying the law. Not only that, she has ensured that missing and payment exclusive content cannot be provided for people.

There are quite a few creators that restrict their CC behind a paywall; Maysims, Newsea, and Butterflysims are the ones that come to mind immediately. Any attempts to contact them about the issue go unanswered… hell, MaySims’ contact form doesn’t even work. There are plenty of people who want to fight against payment exclusive content, but let’s face it, the bad guys always win.

If any creator who does these things sees this, I have provided you with the hard facts, and if you disagree with them, you are wrong. There are links and everything. Instead of acting like little school children and saying, “nuh-uh!” go do the research yourself, this case isn’t too hard, all you’ve got to do is read the service agreement and contact some actual game developers and employees of the company. Wait… I’ve done that for you. But if you want to go in a circle, go ahead. Perhaps it’ll give you the hard slap in the face you clearly need.

Leosims and your seven sheep, you did a horrible thing, and I hope you’re proud of yourselves.

“I Should Play God”

So sick of stupid ass shits who think they’re so “hardcore” because they can say whatever shit they want to anyone and think they can get away with it. Don’t even have the fucking brain capacity to think and consider their actions. It’s like if you express any intelligence to reason with them, and they respond with, “duhr hur yer legs r stoopid!” And they’ll never learn because they’re stupid fucks who rely on mommy and daddy to provide for them. Maybe they’ll learn when they go out into the real world, get denied a loan, can’t find a job, have to live on the street selling blow jobs, begging for drugs, and getting mugged and raped until they’re lucky enough for someone to take a gun to their fucking heads and do us all a fucking favor. Or maybe they’ll learn when they push someone too far, and that person finds where they live and shoots them in the fucking head. “I’m tired of waiting, I should play god and shoot you myself.” It’s so easy to get a gun in Murica. Too bad I don’t like them. I don’t like loud sounds. Mama, when are you going to come around and put it back the way it ought to be?

If I Could, I Would

It’s 9:30 AM, got woken up around seven or eight by my rat, Jerry, chewing on the bars. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Haven’t taken my medicine yet. Yesterday I saw a comment on an old video showing anger toward mother’s day that accused me of lying about my past. I wish I had copied it before I deleted it to quote here, but I wasn’t planning on ranting about this. Bad mood. Worse mood. It started out with, “That’s a lie!!!!” It then proceeded to tell me that everything I said in the video, everything I said about what Erin did to me, did not happen, that I was “painting a picture for my fans.”

Everyone knows I don’t lie by choice. I didn’t want to include the comment in a Hall of Shame video because that series is for entertainment, not for comments that get to me. This got to me. Maybe it’s because I still have to fucking deal with it, I still have to struggle with the problems she gave me. They even said that the police had been called because of ME, and not because of her. I wanted to chew this person out, but instead, I simply said, “either learn how to swim, or get out of the gene pool. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.” Here’s what I wanted to say.

How DARE you? For one, how can you possibly say something didn’t happen if you weren’t even there? You have no right or reason to claim something that isn’t true if you don’t know if it was or not. For two, I don’t lie, honesty is my code of honor. Sorry if you’re a two-faced lying bitch, but I’m not. For three, oh? It didn’t happen? So I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for no reason? I have constant night terrors every night for months at a time because I “painted a picture?” I have flashbacks, break downs, attacks, and my adult life has been ruined due to my broken childhood because why? My hatred for the woman who gave birth to me and was supposed to love me gives me permanent resentment toward parents and family in general, I have witnesses, which is the reason why custody was taken away from her in the first place! I was a child of the state! I had to be fucking ADOPTED by my grandmother, who was the one adult who finally saw what she was doing to me! February 14, 2007. That day, my entire life changed. And each year, on February 14, I get shell shock. It’s not as bad as it was a few years ago, but it still happens. But oh, I must be lying about that too, huh? Just because someone on the internet isn’t afraid to hide their demons, doesn’t mean they’re PAINTING A FUCKING PICTURE, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT. Good for you for having a loving, caring mommy! Good for you for being so PERFECT! Good for you for being a fucking IDIOT!! There are things I can’t do now because of what she did! NORMAL things! Like talk on the phone, for one! I’m TERRIFIED of anyone taller than me! I can’t wake people up if I wake up before them! I can’t assist someone unless I ask for permission first! People raising their voice, holding up their hand too quickly, holding up cooking utensils, ALL of that makes me flinch with fear! THAT’S NOT FUCKING NORMAL!! YOU ARE A WORTHLESS LITTLE BRAT THAT ASSUMES THAT, IF SOMEONE HAS HAD A BAD LIFE, THEY’RE LYING BECAUSE THE WORLD CAN’T POSSIBLY BE THAT CRUEL, RIGHT?! Get a fucking reality check! YOU’RE A MORON!! You’re one of the types of people that helps society rot in their own waste, and then throws it around at everyone with a fucking brain so that they have to deal with it too! YOU’RE A SHEEP!! Do you know what happens to sheep? THEY GET SLAUGHTERED!! I sincerely hope that something terrible happens to you. An accident, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, ANYTHING! People like you need to fucking DIE. To quote MJK, “I should play god and shoot you myself.” You’re fucking LUCKY that I’m not the type of person to hunt you down. I’d force you to look at every scar on my body that she directly caused, then I’d give you EVERY detail of the things she did to me, to the point where you lose faith in all of humanity, and finally, I’d do TERRIBLE things to you. But that’s one of the reasons I’m on medication, because I’m not just a danger to myself, I’m a danger to OTHER PEOPLE TOO. And when I take my meds today, this comment isn’t going to bug me so much, I’ll just shake my head at your stupidity, though I will still hope that you get what you deserve because the medication doesn’t change how I feel, it just makes it so I don’t feel things at extremes. But there’s a reason why people I know in person are AFRAID to piss me off. It’s because they know what I’m capable of. I’ve had countless people describe me as “scary,” and that’s not being overly dramatic. Yeah, I can say shit on the internet, but it doesn’t have nearly as much effect as it does in person, when you can see my eyes, hear my voice, read my body language, and feel my rage. I’d be your WORST NIGHTMARE, you stupid, egotistical cunt. You’d regret every single moment of your life where you deliberately tried to mess with someone’s head. Next time, you might not get so lucky. You might mess with someone who is the type to come hunt you down, and they’ll do it. They’ll find you, they’ll torture and kill you, and you know what? I hope they do. I hope that happens to you. If I could, I’d give you all of my memories of her, my trauma, the problems she caused, my nightmares, my fears, EVERYTHING. I’d give them all to you so that you’d have to deal with it, and I’d be free. You’d kill yourself. You would FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. And I would not care. Then again, if I gave you all of the problems she caused, I wouldn’t be a sociopath, so I probably would care! Because empathy is a weakness! But right now, I’m wishing horrible things on you, things I’d NEVER wish upon anyone, things I won’t dare say on the internet because they are that terrible. I may be a fucked up person, I may have more problems than I can handle, I may be a victim to my own psyche, BUT AT LEAST I’M NOT WHATEVER YOU ARE. And if your life is already shitty, and you’re just pushing your misery onto other people, you DESERVE your shitty life. You deserve MORE than a shitty life. You are less than scum. Do us all a favor and die before you have the chance to reproduce.

Why didn’t I say all of that? Because I’m not that far gone. It’s only been like ten hours since I last took my meds, and that’s not nearly enough time to lose myself. If I had been off my meds for a good couple of weeks, I’d have written that, probably something worse, and then I would’ve had an attack. Thankfully, I still have enough common sense to tell myself that that’s what they probably wanted. They wanted me to chew them out. They wanted to upset me. They were probably trying to get a video made about them. Well, they got one thing they wanted; it upset me. While “Annatier” is whispering in my ear to teach this person a lesson, my sanity is yelling in my other ear that it’s not worth it, that this person isn’t worth it. My sanity is also telling me that ranting about it is a waste of my time, but hey, I’m far from perfect. Still, my fantasies are kept from bleeding into my reality, so I can live another day with a flawlessly blank criminal record.

In the most unrealistic of fantasy worlds, I’m friends with Hannibal Lecter, and we’d make sure this person was cooked to perfection. Of course, I would not partake in the consumption because I’m a vegetarian, but at least Hannibal would get to enjoy prime lamb.

My sanity tells me having fantasies like that is childish. Well, that’s what happens when you never got the chance to be a child. At least I can still differentiate between reality and fantasy, though sometimes I wish I couldn’t. Then I could lose myself in those fantasies to escape reality, and I could live in a world that follows my laws, with fictional characters surrounding me that do as I want them to do, behave how I want them to behave.

Alas, this is why I’m not technically considered insane.

WE ARE THE END

I was contemplating human existence a few days ago, and realized something: we’re it. We are the end of the evolutionary line. We are the last species on this planet, and we’ll never evolve into anything more, even if the Earth manages to live for another billion years or so. Nope. We are literally the end.

Think about it. Really think. Humans are the only creatures on Earth that defy nature, that go against instinct, and serve no purpose to other creatures or the planet itself, except to destroy it. We are also the only species on this planet that exude evil. One of my favorite quotes from the Hannibal TV series is, “Human emotions are a gift from our animal ancestors. Cruelty is a gift humanity has given itself.” As humans, we are born evil. Some of us will learn to suppress most of that evil, but it will always be there. We have evolved into the end of the world. How did it happen? How did we gain the ability to be cruel to everyone and everything?

We’ve already proven that nothing will come after us unless we literally create it. You see it every new generation, you see it with every child that is born. There are too many people on this planet, yet we keep reproducing. Why? What’s the point? We don’t need more of us! The whole reason animals reproduce is to continue the species. It’s a survival thing. Well, it doesn’t look like we’re going to go extinct any time soon, not before the planet becomes uninhabitable.

And look at the people who are reproducing; parents that think they’re ready, but aren’t, teenagers and young adults that get pregnant by accident, women who get pregnant by rape, drug addicts that can’t stop fucking each other, and people who refuse to get abortions because of their religion or whatever. Then look at their kids. Oh… their kids… seriously, just look at the children in this generation. Now look at them from the previous generation, and the one before that, and the one before that. Notice how each new generation is getting…………… worse? Uh, yeah… and no one has thought to stop it why?

“Children are our future.” Children grow up and have children of their own… humans are the end… what does this mean? It means that the only reason nature has allowed us to exist is to destroy this planet. Is this all part of god’s plan? I already thought, “if god exists, he’s one messed up mother fucker.” Heh, another quote from Hannibal: “Killing must feel good to God, too. He does it all the time, and are we not created in his image?” If god exists, his whole plan was to build up this project called “Earth,” and then create something that would kill it all. Why? Just for the lulz! God is just one big troll!

I know I won’t get the chance to see the end of humanity, but the fact that we’re already looking for another planet to move to is concerning. I hope we never make it to another planet. Do you know what will happen? We’ll end up destroying that one too… and the next one… and the next one… if humans continue to exist, our race will be the destroyer of worlds. We are a threat to the universe. Why is it that the geniuses of our time are trying to find ways to prolong our existence instead of trying to stop it? We have no problem stopping other species from existing. But even if we do move on to more planets, we’re not going to evolve any further. We are stuck in evolutionary limbo, and the only direction we can go is backward. WE ARE THE END.

There are people who will agree with me, but there are also those who think I’m very wrong. Only time will tell, won’t it? If I’m wrong, I won’t be around to see it, but if I’m right, I won’t be around to tell future humans, “I told you so.” And if there are people reading this thinking I’m just being a Negative Nancy, I just have one thing to say to you…

Don’t blame the player, blame the game, son. Open your eyes.