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The “MidnightMuffin” Incident

A long time ago, I had to block a girl for giving me a hard time. She made a huge deal out of… lines in the hair of a cartoon drawing… and she would just NOT let it go. It was ridiculous, and I could not understand why it was so important to her. So I blocked her due to her toxic behavior. So I was done, I was ready to move on and forget about her…

Oh, but no… she couldn’t get over being blocked either. Whereas I decided not to bring attention to the incident, SHE made it public by writing a journal, and worst of all, filling it with lies. I wasn’t going to write a journal at all, but then she wrote one, and the only way to defend myself was to call her out on all of her lies. My journal is no longer on DA because the staff deleted it because it was “harassment,” and yet her journals (I recently found out it’s more than one!) are still up. I’ve reported them of course.

That journal was the only proof I had against her. It sucked that I didn’t have it anymore, but I figured it was over anyway. I WAS WRONG. She’s STILL making a big deal out of this, and it happened last December!! I hadn’t known that she still was until another one of her victims came forward to me. I will not release their name. They too released a journal about what happened after Midnight spread lies about THEM as well, and boy, this poor person was actually abused by her. I won’t go into detail for the sake of this person’s privacy; they made it public on DA, but I don’t have permission to share the story here.

But luckily, this person actually had my journal! This hadn’t been important to me until I discovered another journal by Midnight bashing both of us. Well DA, you can’t touch me here. Nothing in this journal has been changed except a few typos, but there are probably still some. Here’s what REALLY happened:


xXMidnightMuffinXx posted a journal about me, which I can’t read because I blocked her, but apparently, if I block someone, I’M the one to blame, I’M the bitch, I’M just the worst person in the fucking world. so I want to clear some shit up for anyone who takes her words and believes them. after all, a lie gets half way around the world before the truth even has a chance to put its pants on.

what happened? well, first of all, I ALWAYS make it so that harassment, spam, trolling, etc. are no longer visible to the public because I can’t delete them on DA, it’s not possible. I do the same thing on youtube, except I can delete those. why do I delete them/hide them? so that I don’t have to see that bullshit, and no one else has to experience the unpleasantness, because whether you agree with me or the other person, it puts you in a bad mood and might start MORE shit. I block you for my health, because you started shit, you know it, you want to continue it, and I don’t want to deal with your behavior, nor do I want you harassing others in my comments section.

first off, I have to say that xXMidnightMuffinXx has caused me problems before, things that I had to deal with with as much patience as I can. she has started shit with other commenters and goaded them into arguments with her, and thankfully, when I told her both parties were at fault in some way, she DID apologize. but if she’s the person I think she is, she caused me a lot of trouble when she was a kid, like TEN, and she started watching muffins. I’m not going to say for certain that she is the same person, because I can’t remember. needless to say, I have been given many reasons to have gotten annoyed and spiteful toward her, but overall, she was still kind to me, so despite all of this, I remained civil and kind to her. remember, never throw the first stone.

but then she threw the stone, and she’s mad at ME for defending myself. not to mention that she caught me at the worst time; I hadn’t taken my meds yet. if I had had my meds, I could’ve handled the situation better unlike her, I am able to admit when I’m wrong and when I made mistakes. my mistake was allowing myself to respond without medication when I should have waited until a few hours AFTER I took it. regardless, her petty screenshot of whatever the fuck she took of our conversation is nothing. people have taken screenshots of convos with me before, always purposefully leaving out important parts that negate their claims. so you may not be able to see them first hand, but I will go ahead and show you here.


xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 1, 2018
Hmm…The mane looks a little off. Don’t the lines go sideways, like Inkie Pie’s?

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 1, 2018
this is a different mane style though

xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 1, 2018

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 1, 2018
well yeah, you gotta compare it to her mane when she was a filly

xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 1, 2018
So the lines moved?? I don’t understand.

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
it’s just hair, dude…

xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 2, 2018
Why would the lines in her hair shift over the years, that’s all I’m asking, jeez.

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
why does it matter?

xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 2, 2018
You’re normally accurate on these sorts of things.

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
but it doesn’t matter. I didn’t realize that me being perfect meant so much to you. I must be pretty stupid to not be perfect. maybe it’s that way just because it’s shorter? maybe it’s that way because it’s healthier? maybe it’s that way because that’s just the way I designed it, and instead of questioning it, you should just let it be because making a huge deal out of it is unnecessary and not something you should do because it’s fucking rude? I dunno, or maybe it’s just because I’m a fucking retard. that must be it. because wahw, I have to be accurate 100% of the time OR ELSE. I have to be PERFECT. I need to do everything right the first time I do it. maybe I should just drink bleach and kill myself like everyone tells me to. then I wouldn’t be such a burden on all of you. FUCK.

xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 2, 2018
I’M being rude? You’re not the only one who has insecurities. If you had just told me this from the start you wouldn’t have gotten pissed off.

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
sometimes you say the most asinine things.

xXMidnightMuffinXx Edited Dec 3, 2018
Right, sure. You’re just afraid to admit that you were being the rude one. I’ve seen this before in other people.

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 3, 2018
no, I was not being rude, you were being rude for continuing to ask a question that clearly didn’t need more answers than I gave. I’m not “afraid to admit” anything, I always admit when I’m wrong. the thing is, you’ve done this before, MULTIPLE times. it’s a personality flaw of yours that drives me absolutely up the wall. you make the biggest deal out of the littlest things, wasting energy and aggravating people in the process. I think you need to step back and evaluate yourself and how you speak to people. there are times when you should just say “okay” instead of badgering someone about something that doesn’t matter. if you continue this toxic behavior, I will have to ban you from commenting for my health.

xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 3, 2018
You’re seriously one to talk, just saying. :/

Reitanna-Seishin Dec 3, 2018
you don’t know anything about me. I’ve never done shit to you. I treat people the way I want to be treated, that is, unless they treat me the way I DON’T want to be treated. if you SERIOUSLY don’t think you did anything wrong, then you SERIOUSLY need help. go take your “artists need to make everything perfect” attitude to tumblr. “you’re one to talk.” honestly, really? that doesn’t even make sense.


and then I blocked her. alright, first to point out, the comment was unnecessary to begin with. she often asks these unnecessary questions that either don’t need explanation, or the answer is obvious. next, I gave an explanation, so that’s where she should have said, “okay.” then she claims she doesn’t understand. in my experience, she doesn’t understand a lot of simple things. I’d hide my annoyance at having to explain things to her more than was necessary, thinking to myself, “how can you NOT understand this?” but by this point, she was already making a big deal out of nothing, so I calmly said, “it’s just hair, dude…” like… chill out, it’s not important. it’s hair, and as a trained hair dresser, I can tell you from experience that hair likes to do its own thing. but it’s JUST hair. it’s not big deal. but then she said, “Why would the lines in her hair shift over the years, that’s all I’m asking, jeez.” jeez? why the defensiveness. all you had to say was, “yeah, you’re right, lol.” I mean, you wouldn’t even have to say I was right, just acknowledge that you were making a mountain out of a molehill and let it go.

so now that my scales had been rubbed the wrong way, I ask why it matters, and she has the gall to say that I’m normally accurate with those things. here is where you can obviously tell that “Annatier” has decided to take over my part of the conversation, but even now, looking at the entire thing and completely stable, even though I see my errors, I still feel pissed about the conversation, so I know that it WASN’T all “Annatier’s” fault. xXMidnightMuffinXx should’ve known better. for how much I beat myself up for not being perfect? for how much stress and anxiety I have to endure every time I make a mistake that hardly anyone else will notice? not to mention the constant bullying I get from people who assume my desire to be perfect means that I think I AM perfect. do you know how many people tell me to kill myself? knowing I’m suicidal? thank god for my meds, or “Anna” would have her way, and all of those people who hate me would be happy. “Anna” says that mommy would be happy too. hey, at least I’d be free from months of constant nightmares. but regardless, my meds do great things concerning my suicidal tendancies, and the closest I got to breaking was after Tommy’s passing when I was being violently harassed about it on youtube. BUT I DIDN’T. I didn’t hurt myself once. and no matter how down I’ve gotten, I haven’t considered offing myself, or harming myself. I’m SAFE right now, but only from my own hand. “Anna” still likes to tell me shit, like if I don’t do everything perfectly, it’s the reason why mommy didn’t love me, the reason anything bad has happened to me, and it’s the reason I’m worthless. my self esteem is DANGEROUSLY low, and unlike our BELOVED president, I don’t have narcissistic personality disorder to fool me into thinking I’m the best. people accuse me of being vain, but you know, I really wish I were a little vain, then I wouldn’t be so damaged by my own fucking flaws and accidental mistakes.

then xXMidnightMuffinXx says I’m not the only one with insecurities. um…. duh? I know that. there’s nearly eight BILLION people on the planet, and if there is a single person without ANY insecurities, I want to meet them and learn their secret. besides, that has nothing to do with what you did. you deliberately targeted my insecurities to set me off. again, I’d have handled that MUCH better if I had been in control, but I think many of you have been on the butt end of “Anna’s” fury before. some of you left me because you assume I was just like that. those of you who stayed knew it wasn’t ME talking. those of you who came back learned later that it wasn’t me, and you were able to empathize, which is all I ever ask of people. I’ve apologized for this behavior, but those of you who are intelligent know that I cannot cure it, I just have to stay on my meds. and I do, but if something catches me before I take them, well… I’m unpredictable.

so then I was able to take back control for a brief moment. I had a moment where my rational mind stepped in and said, “relax, she does this all the time, you don’t need to write another paragraph.” I only spoke the truth; “sometimes you say the most asinine things.” she does. though in truth, it’s not sometimes, it’s often. that’s where I felt done. but “Anna” eagerly awaited the chance to throw another tantrum, and lo and behold, it did come. not only did xXMidnightMuffinXx tell me I was afraid to admit something, but she acted like she’s figured me all out, like she just knows how people are, like it’s black and white. completely IGNORING her own statements, she acted as though I responded to her first comment with “Anna’s” first reply.

everyone knows I’m not afraid to admit anything. not anymore. well, I do feel the fear, naturally, but it doesn’t stop me. I have better common sense than that, I know the consequences of lying. why do you think honesty is my code of honor? I’ve gone seven years without lying to people by choice. if I killed someone, I’d call the police on myself. why? because I know I’d be EASILY found. I’m not sneaky, smooth, and careful… nor smart enough… to compare to serial killers who went decades without getting caught. maybe if I thought there was a chance I could get away with it, I’d milk it a little bit, but that’s the part of me who still lives in the world of Hannibal Lecter and other fictional killers. I KNOW the law, I KNOW the process, I KNOW how it all works in reality, so I’d fess up immediately, do my time, and be done with it. if you run and fight, you get harder time. same with small things, like when I accidentally left a drawer out after opening back when I worked at walgreens. I HATED opening shifts; I’m terrible at mornings, and I am sleepy and incoherent. anyway, the drawer was still on the counter, filled with money, and ANYONE could’ve jacked it. I saw my mistake, made sure the money was still there, and put the drawer away. I could’ve just kept silent about it… no one would know, right? well, my paranoid mind walks in and says, “what if they need to check the security footage for some reason, and they just happen to see your error?” bam. I went straight to my boss’ office, told him exactly what happened, and I got ZERO punishment. he simply said he was glad I fixed it, that nothing was stolen, and to be more careful. I never made that mistake again.

the point is, even though we fear the consequences of our actions and wish to conceal them, it’s easier to tell the truth, and if you do, any punishment for said action will be so much less than if you lie and they find the truth out on their own. I mean, look at all the political figures who are going to jail for lying to people like the FBI? keeping up lies is harder too, because you have to try and keep the story straight. with a memory like mine… heh, I USED to be able to lie really well, but then 2009 happened, and even though I was in the process of teaching myself to be honest, I’d still slip up, and I realized how much harder it was anyway. I lied more when I was a kid, toward the end of high school, I was working on myself because I was sick of everyone lying to me, so I felt, “well, it makes ME feel horrible, it must make other people feel horrible too.” the hardest part was to get myself to stop saying, “I’m fine” when people asked how I was, and I totally was not fine. the second hardest part was keeping from lying to myself.

I ALWAYS admit when I’m wrong. if I don’t know if I’m right or not, i’ll say so. if I’m right, I KNOW I’m right. if I THINK I’m right, and someone proves me wrong, it SUCKS, and I HATE the feeling, but I admit that I was wrong. you see, there’s a natural reaction that happens to all of us when we’re told we’re wrong. it actually triggers the fight or flight response, you know, the thing that happens when our lives are in danger. so, when proven wrong, or even told we’re wrong, even if we aren’t, we enter fight or flight, and that’s why we get so hostile, that’s why we feel genuine pain when we’re told we’re wrong. to ADMIT you’re wrong takes courage. “courage is the mastering of fear, not the absence of it.” I could be scared to death to admit something, but that doesn’t mean I can’t, because I have a lot of courage that I wish I had when I was younger. so no, I’m not afraid to admit anything.

“Anna” and I were sort of having a tug of war with my reply to that. you can still see the immaturity, but it’s still more rational than that really dramatic reply. the truth is, it just seems like xXMidnightMuffinXx is never aware of the things she does wrong, and I’m not saying accidental mistakes that make us human, I mean with her attitude. when she says something rude, or offending, or asinine, it just blows over her head. now… my question is WHY? does she have the same problem I do? was she sheltered and forced to stay quiet through most of her childhood? does she have speech and social development issues? do the things she says genuinely sound fine in her head, and she can’t figure out why others take offense to it so often?

these were things I had to figure out myself about myself. like I said, “step back and evaluate.” I had to do that. that’s when I realized, once again, another part of my childhood that was not normal. just like I never learned that not all children got hit for tiny reasons, and not all parents were like mine, I had to think about people with normal childhoods and realize, “wait, other children don’t usually get punished for speaking.” children with good parents, even ones with social anxiety disorder, wouldn’t have speech development issues caused my lack of communication. an extreme example of this would be feral children like Genie. THAT POOR CHILD. god, her story is just… disgusting… anyway, she’s a prime example of what happens if children are not allowed to communicate with other humans properly. my case is not NEARLY as severe, not even close. I still had opportunities to speak with friends, and times when Erin was sober that I could talk, laugh, and all that. going to my grandmother’s every summer since I was ten was VERY beneficial to my speech development, but as Genie has helped proven, there is a critical period when humans cannot retain a language, which is why it’s so difficult for adults to learn new languages, and why I just cannot remember how to speak French, or the amount of Japanese I learned myself. after a child hits puberty, the ability to retain language is significantly harder, and can be impossible in severe cases, like with Genie. I, however, was exposed to enough language due to school and other times of freedom in my childhood before puberty that I could speak fluently and, for the most part, comprehensively. however, with social anxiety disorder and abuse, my social development was much slower. my most recent blog tries to explain why I seem so bitchy through text: reitannaseishin.wordpress.com/…  but it’s not just text, it’s happened verbally in person too.

so… is the same thing happening with xXMidnightMuffinXx? Do I do the same thing people do to me? did I have a moment where my irrational brain tells me I’m the only one? it’s not just possible, but probable. I can’t know that for sure. if that is indeed the case, I can understand, and I’m more at fault than it seems. this could have been a misunderstanding that was exacerbated by my lack of stability at the time due to no meds. that would excuse xXMidnightMuffinXx from being so rude because, if she TRULY didn’t know what she was saying, then it’s NOT her fault, but it is at the same time. She just can’t REALIZE she’s at fault because that part of development would be missing. it’s like… it’s her fault, but it’s not her fault that she doesn’t realize it’s her fault. I get what I’m saying, I don’t blame you guys for not getting it… that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help, she still needs to step back and understand why people take offense to her so often, and she needs to try and think about what she says before saying it, ESPECIALLY through text, where we are ALL guilty of reading it wrong.

oh, but “Annatier” doesn’t think it’s our fault at all. she’d rather believe that we’re the only one with this problem, and you all know how she feels entitled to being understood without bothering to understand others who may be in our exact same situation. she’s the one who tells me we’re the only one in the world with these problems, which makes me feel alone. without my meds, my rational mind has a hard time convincing me that she’s wrong… because she IS wrong. it’s obvious in “Anna’s” replies that I was unable to step back and think about myself, and the possibility that xXMidnightMuffinXx is in my boat, and I’m just doing the same thing people do to me. “Anna” is a huge hypocrite in nature, and she is blinded by her own feeling of isolation to accept possibilities. she too is guilty of thinking human nature is black and white.

so yeah, we were rude…. but only after xXMidnightMuffinXx was. it’s human nature to defend oneself in such a situation. I had the right to defend myself, but my emotions fucked me up, and instead of inquiring if xXMidnightMuffinXx had meant it in such a rude way, “Annatier” took control. if I had been in a rational and stabilized state, I could have cleared up a misunderstanding if this was indeed a misunderstanding. that’s why I could not understand what she meant by, “you’re one to talk.” but all the same, that was uncalled for, and the “just saying :/” did not help sooth the child that she had unknowingly been talking to.

again, I can’t be sure of this theory. BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE HER FROM HER FUCKING JOURNAL. even though I can’t read it, I’ve read her comments and the description of her latest muffins group submission. she has no excuse to, for one, make this public, and for two, talk shit about me when she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about. did I make a journal about her afterward? no. because it was over. I block you, I don’t talk to you, and hopefully, my mind erases you. that’s when you’re supposed to get over it. but no, she says, “I figured that despite Reitanna being a complete and utter asswipe to me (read about that here: www.deviantart.com/xxmidnightm…) I wouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying her fanfictions, Muffins included, much less drawing fanart and submitting it to the group.” she could have said, “despite Reitanna and I having a falling out, I wouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying her fanfictions,” WITHOUT a link to a journal because the journal should not exist. I am only making this journal to stop her from fueling a fire that I thought was extinguished, but no, I’m apparently SUPER important to her, because she can’t let this go. she wastes her energy telling everyone in her comments that I’m this and that and that and this, when I should not even exist to her anymore. news flash, girly, I’M NOT THAT IMPORTANT. I’m a complete stranger to you, I’m nothing, I’m a fabrication to you.

this happens a lot. I block someone, nine times out of ten for a good reason, and they just can’t deal with it. they act like I punched them in the gut and stole their kidney. why do they care so much? they’ve never met me in person, they haven’t spent time with me, I’m not worth their energy. A pair of them went out of their way to make that ED page about me. that would’ve taken HOURS! HOURS spent on… ME?! what am I to you?! an idol? a GOD?! Jesus Christ, what fantastical version of me have you made up to think that I’M something so special?! if I were MJK, I could understand, but I’m not! I’m a nobody! if I’m your version of white Jesus, then you need a reality check. stop putting me on a pedestal that I have no right to be on. if I fucking block you, you did something wrong, even if you think you didn’t. I’m talking to you, CreepyMax123. and that friend you mentioned, the charlotte person I blocked “for some reason,” I don’t even recognize that screen name, but I can assure you, she did something to deserve it, and so did you. I just can’t remember what it was.

and your little conversation about how I “manipulate” people and accept apologies face-to-face or whatever? what the fuck? what the ACTUAL fuck? he says, “& that type of shit makes her go nuts. I mean criticism is a good thing to improve on certain subjects, but to her it’s more like we’re saying that it’s shit.” um… FUCKING DUH. have you been paying attention at ALL? but you fuckers wouldn’t know what real criticism is anyway. let me give you an example of someone who ACTUALLY gave me proper constructive criticism… for the first time in YEARS!


“Can I just suggest something, for the skirt, I think it should be a darker colour because I feel like it doesn’t typically match the setting for the character or even a pastel. I could send you a couple of colours that would work with the setting you’re trying to put. The cigarette as the tail could have been removed but you do what you’d like. The spine on the torso could use some work, it looks too simplistic but you tried and I don’t blame you. The sharp ‘teeth’ really do add a creepy vibe. I also love how you did the bear. You could also add some stuffing that’s coming out but yet this is your choice to take most or some of these suggestions, or even none if you feel fine with it.

You don’t have to listen to me at all and please, respond if you have anything to say about this and PLEASE don’t hesitate whether or not if I had said something or anything in general. I welcome anyone with open arms to say anything about this.”

Thank you and have a wonderful day! :)”


THAT’S how you do it! THAT is civil! THAT is kind! THAT is helpful!!! you can’t just tell me that my shit is shit and NOT expect me to get mad! all y’all who make a big deal out of me being unable to handle criticism need to get over it because even if it’s true, it might NOT be as true as I always thought. YOU people think criticism means insulting and downing someone. the person who wrote the comment above? NONE of that bothered me at ALL, and I even agreed with some of it. the parts I may not agree with were simply because it’s that way for a specific reason. that also gets me… when I tell someone it’s that way for a reason, and they act like I shot them in the leg. GET OVER IT. but I replied to this kind person and I thanked him/her for the first civil criticism I’ve received in a LONG time, YEARS. I got another one somewhere after that from someone else, and I thanked them as well. you don’t have to fucking agree with me, you don’t have to fucking see it my way to be NICE!

CreepyMax123 goes on to say, “That’s what she does, she makes us feel we’re the bad guy as she’s the good guy. We all have different views and opinions, but it seems like she wants everyone that follows her to have her views and such.” O RLY? I make the “bad guys” know they’re the “bad guys.” you’re just butthurt because YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! I don’t pretend to be the good-NEVER-bad guy! I just used this journal to analyze a conversation and prove that, YES, I too was a bad guy! again, WHY have you got it in your head that I’m perfect?! and “it seems like she wants everyone that follows her to have her views and such?” where the FUCK did you get that idea??? do you know how good it feels to discover when someone shares the same views? notice how I say “TO DISCOVER?” that means I don’t expect people to share my exact views! all I ever want is for people to be able to UNDERSTAND the situation! to see it from my point of view enough to be able to figure out the problem! I have NEVER expected people to share all my views. I guarantee there are some of you who don’t support the death penalty or think medicinal marijuana needs to be banned everywhere! stupid people don’t share my views on racism, sexism, and LGBT matters because those are non-negotiable. my views are no different than the rest of the intelligent people who realize we’re all equal. but you know, if you caught “Anna,” yeah, she wants everyone to see things our way, but Max, YOU DIDN’T CATCH “ANNA.” that comment and the following are bullshit, and you know it.

“What’s worse is that she doesn’t accept any apologies through online, she wants it face-to-face…Like as if I’m gonna drive across America to Idaho”

what. the. FUCK. what fantasy world do you live in? I have NEVER said that. in fact, just a few days ago, I received a message from someone apologizing for what they said to me in 2015, which resulted in whatever account they used to get blocked. I did not remember this person, of course, but he/she explained to me what happened, and guess what? did what YOU need to do and admitted they had been in the wrong. I could tell that they truly meant their apology, so I forgave them. that’s not just a one-time thing, either, there is NO evidence of me saying that I don’t accept apologies online and that I want it face-to-face. STOP. LYING. I’m not generous with forgiveness, meaning I don’t just blindly forgive people. I have to see that they mean it. I’ve said that it’s EASIER to tell when someone means it face-to-face, but I have NEVER said I NEEDED it. you call me manipulative, but you twist my words around to get people like Midnight on your side, as she responds with, “okay what the fuck I’m not sure how many brain cells I lost when reading that.” well, hunny, I question the number of brain cells you had in the first place to just accept that what he says is fact. I know you don’t know me that well, but DAMN, you know me enough to know that that doesn’t even sound like something I’d say. not even “Anna” would say that. with a statement as stupid as Max’s, that’s when you should’ve said, “well, wait, that doesn’t sound like her.” no, instead, you take this fictional person Max has created and think that she’s actually me. but you just kept adding to this fictional character, didn’t you?

“Kinda weird for you to be commenting now but okay.”

“But yeah she tends to post a lot of uncredited shit. I get the bases but when she traces screenshots from like anime or something, isn’t that illegal? Not to mention she gets all butthurt when people ask her to use her vectors and question her when she says no.”

T_T why. why? why are you making shit up when you know people can easily call you out on it? and did you totally miss my journal about fair use? HERE: www.deviantart.com/reitanna-se… 

any “uncredited shit” is free to use without credit. it’s called PUBLIC DOMAIN, you nitwit. then you say I trace screenshots from anime or something? I am unaware of me doing this, as the few things I trace, I always say I traced it, and what from. how do you think people make bases that aren’t their original work? 99% of MLP bases are traced from screenshots of the show. I don’t leave links to certain things, either because I don’t remember where I got it because I’m an image hoarder, or I CAN’T because the source is NSFW. posting links to NSFW stuff on DA is AGAINST THE FUCKING RULES. and guess what? I even have pictures that I did trace as a teenager where, when I saw them recently, I actually edited the description and said, “I don’t know why I didn’t specify that this was traced.” regardless, I don’t trace very often, at least, unless it’s a base. that’s kind of the nature of bases, you know? but it’s not 100% traced because I have to fix certain proportions that the base creator messed up. other things? I FUCKING REFERENCE. that means you look at the picture and try to draw it on your own. so if you’re talking about me tracing Pinkamena recently, THAT’S HOW ALL OF THE MLP VECTORS ARE MADE.

oh, and “Not to mention she gets all butthurt when people ask her to use her vectors and question her when she says no?” NO SHIT SHERLOCK!! if someone asks you for permission, and you say no, the right thing to do is to say, “okay,” not pester you and ask why! no means no, and that’s that! are you saying that, if someone asks another for sex, and they say no, the one who asked should inquire WHY?! are you saying that, if a video game developer wants to use an asset from another game, and the developer of the other game says no, the first person should ask WHY?! I mean, come on, I can excuse you if you have speech and social development issues, but remember when I said, “sometimes you say the most asinine things?” YEAH. THIS. PRIME EXAMPLE. it’s STUPID!

ShysWorld, love you, but I actually didn’t understand your comment on the situation, so I sent you a PM. Her comment was not about me, I misunderstood due to use of pronouns. XD but the response from Midnight when Shy told her I marked her comments as spam…

“SPAM”? Are you fucking serious? If she considers that to be SPAM than she’s stupider and crazier than we thought. Fuck, I should’ve screenshotted the conversation.”

I’m crazy and stupid for marking your comment as spam. *sigh* I’m surprised I have to explain this one too. you see, on DA, you can’t report comments for abuse. you can report the user, but it’s easier on everyone if you simply bring the comments to DA’s attention, and THEY can decide if it’s worth taking action. the only way to do that is to mark it as spam. do you get it? I just… I just cannot get over you calling me stupid for something that is… not stupid or crazy at all. WHERE is your brain?!

LightningandDash, I actually don’t know who you are, but your comments don’t make me think you’re a fakie or anything. in fact, it was harmless until you said, “I don’t see why I should be forced to like more than just that however, that’s the vibe I get from her.” I’m sorry you get that vibe? I am actually really shocked that you said that. see, I don’t get where some people are getting their information. why would I force you to like stuff? fakies are the fans of Muffins who, not only just like Muffins, but don’t respect that I have other projects, don’t care that I have other interests, and tell me to stop working on said projects so that I can make more Muffins just for them. if there is a source you can find where I gave you the wrong impression, I’d be happy to review it and clear things up for you. I often tell fakies to try my other stuff, but I have NEVER attempted to force my other stuff on people. a suggestion is not the same as forcing. so again, I’m sorry you got such a distasteful vibe from me, and if there are any other things you have trouble understanding, again, please come to me if it bothers you so I can explain. all I ever ask is for people to understand and respect. honestly, Midnight is not helping in this situation and is probably making the vibe worse for you. I also should probably be ignoring this situation, but when someone is spreading MORE lies about me, I have a passionate desire to let everyone know the truth, and Midnight has taken this so far, I am… just… this needs to be done. Midnight says, “I knew she gets pissed over nothing but a block is a little unnecessary.” I get pissed over nothing? I’m sorry, but who was the one making a huge deal about lines in the hair of a cartoon character? XD and no, the block was not unnecessary. regardless if you share my same problems with speech and social development, it doesn’t change the fact that this was the last straw. unmedicated, I acted unfavorably, yes, but every other time, I’ve had my medication. you have it in your mind that you did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. I know what I did wrong. you NEVER think you did something wrong, and it bugs me. I blocked you because your behavior was bad for my health. if you have the same problems I do, you should understand that that is a completely reasonable reason to block someone. in fact…

a few years ago, I got a message from a fan, a private message, and at the time, I was going through a LOT of shit that I was venting about. that person flat out told me that, even though they usually like my stuff and don’t have anything really against me as a person, being a watcher of mine was messing with their own chemical imbalances, and that, FOR THEIR HEALTH, they had to stay away from my stuff for while. they apologized but said they had to block me so they don’t see my stuff. they were EXTREMELY civil, explained their situation perfectly, and even though I was off my meds and my feelings were hurt, I was able to tell this person that I was sorry for causing any harm, that I understood, and that I hoped they’d be able to keep themselves in a better place. I don’t know if that person ever returned to my stuff, but it doesn’t matter. if my content and my behavior at the time was affecting their health negatively, then they had EVERY right to quit me, and I have the utmost respect for the way that person handled it. I’m pretty surprised “Anna” was able to handle it so well too.

you think you’re innocent, but you’re not. can’t you at least recognize where you were at fault? maybe I DID misunderstand your tone, that was my fault, and I’m sorry if that is indeed the case. however, there’s no way in hell an intelligent person can’t see where they were wrong, and during the years of knowing you, I’ve got QUITE a lot to work with to measure your intelligence… I don’t remember how old you are now, but Jesus, I can’t count how many times I’ve had to sit back with my face in my hands, resisting the temptation to seriously ask you if you’re trolling me, or just plain stupid. Michael has caught me in some of these situations, and he is extremely intelligent, albeit sometimes unobservant, but he’s seen your comments in these instances and laughed at the idiocy. We’re both above average intelligence, we are not geniuses, we don’t think we’re smarter than everyone, but dammit, like anyone in our places and above, stupid seriously hurts. to define stupidity, it is lack of proper judgment, not the lack of knowledge. well, we know by now that common sense isn’t very common at all.

I could’ve forgiven you, admitted my wrongs straight to you, and apologized for my hand in the fight. you could’ve explained to me what you meant by the comments that I read in a rude tone. we could’ve had a discussion, or you could’ve just taken the block and pretend like you’ve never spoken to me before, and only know my fanfictions. but no, you continued making a big deal out of something, talked shit about me to others, insulted me, and worst of all, LIED to people about me. if you had truly wanted to be unblocked, you could have been the mature one to admit where you were wrong and apologize, in which I would do the same. instead, you sabotaged yourself and made sure that I’d never want to have anything to do with you again. you did something that “Annatier” would’ve done. and you know you lied, you AND Max. your past behavior is something I could’ve excused, but your recent behavior is absolutely inexcusable. for everything I’ve had to put up with from you, I never thought you’d sink this low, I never thought that you’d turn to straight and deliberate harassment. I could report you for this. I could also log out and read your little journal about me, which probably spreads more lies. I didn’t even want to spend this energy on you, I wanted to let my mind wipe you away. what else have you lied about? what lies have you told me that I could not catch? and you say you were recently diagnosed with short term memory loss. where this is entirely possible, I can’t help but find it ironic, and due to your dishonesty, I also can’t help but think you’re making it up to have an excuse. I don’t know for sure, maybe you ARE telling the truth about that. but if you’re not, let me just say that, as someone who ACTUALLY suffers from short term memory loss, it’s not fucking funny. it’s SCARY, alright? granted, it’s super convenient if I want to forget a small, parasitic memory and/or person, but it makes life SO much harder, I can’t even remember faces well and there are moments in time where it’s just… BLANK. it’s not fun, it’s not cool, I hate it, and it’s my fault. so if you’re faking, seriously? step off.

this is not what I wanted to wake up to today. I managed to have a nightmare-less sleep, and I woke up having won a fight. if I had stayed asleep, there’s a good chance it could’ve gone downhill, but I escaped, and I was going to work on my mod today, but now I’m filled with absolute disappointment and more bewilderment at how humans like this behave. I don’t know why I’m surprised anymore, but I am. as much harm as I did on my side, it doesn’t compare to the harm done by the other side in the aftermath.

note that all comments have been copy and pasted directly from their source. I specify this to let you know that none of the words have been tampered with, and no important details have been left out. you see, I’ve often had the feeling that people tamper with my own text to fit their narrative, and I have to make sure that I am not suspected of doing the same, since so many people don’t know what a code of honor is, or they don’t know the definition of honesty. it’s not like these comments CAN’T be found anyway unless she actually deletes the journal and deviation, and unless I deleted my deviation where the comments are hidden, which I’m not gonna do. also, note that I wish I could disable comments on this journal. I know there’s a lot of sheep bait in here. I’m not going to waste my time on further harassment or bullying, so if you’re in with Midnight’s Dishonesty Posse, you and I will not be conversing. if you’ve got nothing… CIVIL to say… don’t say it at all. (the saying calls for the word “nice,” but that might give the haters an excuse to say that I want everyone to like… compliment me or side with me or something. because I’m totally your leader in this cult. T_T)

guys… do me a favor… when I die, bury me face down. that way the world can kiss my fucking ass.



and just as a response to a more recent thing she said (that these are “pity paragraphs”), everyone who knows me knows I don’t like pity or sympathy. there is no reason to read these paragraphs and think it was pity. Midnight, if you’re such a “big fan,” you would never have said that. you wouldn’t be saying a lot of things you know are bullshit. learn what empathy means. apparently, she read my journal, but everything sailed over her head. I can’t handle more stupidity from her. she needs to GET OVER IT. I will NEVER unblock her, I will NEVER forgive her, and I will NEVER speak to her again. she is NOTHING to me but a… what she calls “fan.” Midnight, I caught you telling lies about me, and your “I’d be happy to talk this out” is fucking meaningless because you resorted to harassment AND you can’t admit your side of the fault. if you read my journal word for word, and you STILL don’t fucking get it, SERIOUSLY. YOU IDIOT. I am BAFFLED by your continued behavior. YOU posted shit about me after I blocked you. I was over it after I blocked you. and now I’m over this. YOU’RE PERMANENTLY BLOCKED. GET OVER IT. GOODBYE.


Sorry if the links don’t work, I’m a bit too lazy to fix them. When I discovered her second journal, I was seriously so angry, I wanted to cry, especially since some people in her comments believed her. Not to mention that she hasn’t learned anything and ABUSED this person who came forward. I won’t get into details about why they messaged me.

Midnight sarcastically referred to me as “our lord and savior.” Is this because she’s convinced herself that I think I’m some kind of godly figure? Or did SHE actually worship me? The latter seems more probable because… HELLO! WHY HASN’T SHE JUST LET THIS GO!?!? She claims to have “cut herself” after I blocked her. Why? Why is she so obsessed with me? I am not that important! Are you gonna come shoot me too? Huh, Mark David Chapman?

My informant told me, “I think the saddest part is that she probably won’t ever learn. Trying to teach her anything was like pulling teeth (and that’s saying a lot, coming from me), and she’s been sheltered her whole life. Her grandma coddles and spoils her, Her dad spoils her as well, and her new boyfriend is just as blind to her bullshit as I once was and always feeds her exactly what she wants to hear. It’s going to be pretty hard for her to progress in the real world when she surrounds herself in yesmen.” In one of Midnight’s replies to someone, I saw her say that she likes drama. It made me want to throw up, especially after hearing what she did to this other victim.

Who else has she done this too? Why does she enjoy spreading lies about people when we can easily prove her wrong? Why does she like to hurt people? Why can’t she just get over a couple of lines in a cartoon character’s hair?! Not only that, but many of my watchers messaged me privately back in 2018 and told me she had been PMing them to try and turn them against me. Pathetic. Really, the only people who are on their side are people who have never met me and don’t bother to fact check, and people I’ve blocked because they did something stupid. These people get all butthurt when I block them, and I’m like, “then maybe you should’ve checked your attitude at the door, huh?” THEY got themselves blocked, it was THEIR choice to say rude and/or insulting things. That’s why there’s a blocking function, you asswipes.

Honestly, it makes me wish I could track her down and beat the shit out of her. She’d be singing a different tune even if all I did was stand in front of her. I’d skip my meds, and maybe THEN she’d learn not to abuse and lie about people. I still cannot BELIEVE she isn’t over this. I hadn’t even thought of her until her other victim approached me. I want more people who have been abused by her to come out with their stories. People genuinely believe her, and that’s disturbing. It’s also disturbing that I have to be forced to spend MORE energy on her. She WANTS me to give her attention. She thinks this is a BATTLE, like one of us should win. No, it’s just her being a horrible human being and me making sure no one believes her to protect myself. All she had to do in the first place was LET IT GO.

If someone is spreading shit about me that concerns you, please come to me before believing it. Unlike the people who are spreading shit, I’m actually going to tell you the truth.


Punished for Not Liking Rape

This happened on the adult custom game content site, LoversLab.

I got multiple unfair warning points and suspensions because I don’t like rape mods. I posted a status that quoted the mods’ reasoning for my first suspension, which literally told me I was being punished BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE THEM. Then I was suspended a second time because of this status, which was on MY profile, not on any thread, and I was accused of “crusading” against the mods that I don’t like. I can’t even begin to describe how completely idiotic that is. For one, you can’t punish me for voicing my opinion on MY profile if it’s not harassing someone. For two, you cannot punish me FOR NOT LIKING SOMETHING. I don’t like rape. I am a normal and sane person (well, not entirely, but still). You cannot change my mind, and you cannot force me to like it. I’M SORRY. This is not how forums work. There is no rule that says, “you are required to like all mods regardless of their content.” I don’t like the drug mods either. But most of all, I was not and am not CRUSADING. If I were crusading, I’d probably try to start a petition, I’d gather up as many LoversLab users as I could find that agree with me, and we’d all be actively DOING SOMETHING. I didn’t do shit. I am allowed to complain about it when it’s not even directed at anyone. So if “crusading” means giving up, not doing anything to change things, and simply saying how horrible it is, then I’d like to know where that definition came from.

My status last time showed the message I received from a mod that said I was being punished for not liking something on the site. I wanted to show how ludicrous that was. Again, you can’t punish someone for NOT LIKING SOMETHING!! That’s like if I was with a group of people who liked onions, but I don’t like onions, so they stone me to death! It doesn’t make sense and you know it. I contacted Ashal about this, but as far as I know, nothing’s been done so far since my points have not been removed. Let me mention that I correctly reported the mod. When you click “report,” it gives you reasons for reporting it that you have to check before providing additional details (I included a screenshot). If there hadn’t been a reason that matched mine, I wouldn’t have reported it, but there was. THE VERY FIRST ONE said, “this is okay, but I want to tell a moderator about it.” After filling it out, I got warned for it. Um, okay? When I questioned this, I was told that I reported a mod, not a comment. Uh… yeah, I know, and I was able to report it because my reason was on the checklist. I was told, “The abuse of the report button comes from you reporting something you deem is wrong and that we should take it down because you don’t like it.” For one, if I’m not allowed to report it for the reason I chose, why is the option there? For two, no, I didn’t say, “you should take it down because I don’t like it.” I can’t actually access my report, so I can’t quote it, but I KNOW I didn’t say that. I’m sure I mentioned that it was indeed wrong, and it should be taken down… not because I don’t like it, because it’s WRONG. I wanted the moderators to be aware of its existence because I DID NOT KNOW THAT ZOOPHILIA WAS ALLOWED HERE. How could I know that something as vile as child pornography was allowed here? I CORRECTLY reported something using the reasons I was given as choices to check. What should’ve happened was that a moderator should’ve messaged me and said, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing we can do, as this is allowed on site.” Not. A fucking. Warning.

Second warning point was for “abusive behavior,” which I assume came about when I was asking someone on the support thread how anyone could think it was okay. I explained my feelings and was trying to understand from them what the appeal was. I was sobbing as I wrote it, and I’m trying not to cry right now. The reason I was given was this:

“You are getting a warning point that will last for a month because you don’t like something that is allowed on this site.

You will not be able to post or respond to any topic for a week.

If you don’t like a mod just skip it. If its content is not against our rules it will stay.”

That’s right, like I said before… because I don’t like it. Not because I argued about it, not because my desperate attempt to understand was mistaken for harassment, but BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE IT. After my suspension, I posted a status quoting this message, and then I said something like, “I didn’t know we’re required to like every mod. Sorry, but I’m not a sick freak,” or something. It’s been too long, I don’t remember, and it’s gone now, THEY deleted it. Then, I was given THREE warning points with this message:

“You’re given an additional warning and a month-long posting restriction for continuing your crusade against content we allow in your status update, after being repeatedly told to stop. What is and isn’t allowed in terms of content isn’t going to change. What you can and cannot say when you don’t like a type of content is also set in stone: see our site rule number 1. It’s the first one for a reason. If you cannot abide by it, feel free to delete your account. Continuing like this will result in a ban.” (Let me mention that I was not repeatedly told to stop, as it was my first status on the matter. Actually, I was not repeatedly told to stop anything, only repeatedly told I abused the report button, WHICH I DIDN’T).

Rule number one states the following:

“The biggest and most important thing of this community is that the modders come first. They are the ones who make this community worth coming to, they are the ones enabling you to even play these mods.  Meaning if you don’t like the way a mod is going, don’t be a jerk about it, they can take the mod in whatever direction they want. Don’t like it? Then make your own release and put the work in yourself. Find a bug or issue that needs to be fixed? Don’t be a jerk about it and raise your concerns and feedback in a constructive manner.”

What I take from that is say…. let’s see… well, I have a problem with heterosexual incest for scientific reasons, and not because it’s taboo. However, if like… a brother and a sister are stupid enough to fuck, well… it’s not hurting either of them, is it? It’s consensual. It’s illegal in most places for a VERY good reason, but the reason has nothing to do with force. The only person it technically harms is the messed up baby they might have. So rule number one says I can’t comment on a mod with heterosexual incest couples and say like, “this is wrong, you know that they can reproduce, right? We don’t need any more fuck ups in the gene pool.” Sure, I’m thinking this, but I’m not gonna say it! Why? Because it’s not really hurting anyone.

Same with drug mods. I figured that they are allowed here, but that doesn’t mean I like them. In my head, I am shaming every single person who wants such a thing in their game because I am hardcore straight edge and for good reasons. Still, I keep my mouth shut and move on.

But rape? RAPE?! That doesn’t even come CLOSE to what I previously mentioned!! Understandably, child porn is not allowed here because it’s not just illegal, but harmful, MORALLY WRONG, and can trigger PTSD flashbacks in real people who come across it. What else falls under those reasons? Rape (zoophilia is rape). I was told this:

“You reported a MOD not a comment. On the report you stated how you think the fetish is wrong and that we the moderators should have enough common sense and take it down. We have common sense we know what is and isn’t allowed on the site. Bestiality isn’t against the sites rules.

“The foundation of this site is built upon fetishes like bestiality rape slavery vore nudity sex and so on. As long as the stuff isn’t against the sites rules like stuff dealing with children then it’s allowed on the site.

We get too many people who report files just because they don’t like a specific fetish.”

Once again, yes, I know I reported a mod, and I chose the correct reason to do so. If I’m not allowed to do that, DON’T MAKE IT AN OPTION. And yes, people with common sense would not allow these kinds of things on their site. Now… how was I supposed to know that bestiality wasn’t against the rules? I don’t see it there. I don’t see a rule that says rape is allowed. I see that CP is not. I also see rule number four:

“If you find yourself asking, ‘Should I post this questionably legal content?’ The answer is simply no.”

Funny, ain’t it? In fact, the only way I learned that human rape is allowed here was by me reporting a “forced sex” mod when I was new to this site. Actually, this story relates to another thing I was told:

“The abuse of the report button comes from you reporting something you deem is wrong and that we should take it down because you don’t like it. Bestiality mods are not against the sites rules and my warning that you got isn’t the first one you have gotten from a moderator for the same thing so you can’t try to play innocent. [person] [person] [person] and me have all given you a warning for the same thing.

Your free to message Ashal if you like.”

(I love the use of proper punctuation.) “You can’t try to play innocent.” I don’t “play” anything. Dude, I’m twenty-eight years old, what adult “plays” innocent? I AM innocent, and I’ll tell you why. The first time I reported a mod (the forced sex one), I was properly reacted to with a civil message from an admin that explained it was allowed on the site. They even said they personally don’t agree with it. I questioned them about why, but eventually, even though I still don’t understand why, it came to, “that’s just the way it is.” HOWEVER… after I reported the mod, I reported a comment for asking the creator, “can you make them scream and cry so it seems like they’re suffering more?” This comment made me want to throw up. I thought, “this is illegal,” so I clicked report on the comment. So far, I had clicked the report button ONCE on two separate things. So I got warned by the RUDEST admin here, but as you may have noticed, I’m not mentioning people by name. Anyway, he gave me a warning for “abusing the report button.” That’s when I contacted Ashal, and long story short, he agreed that the admin should not have acted that way, and my point was removed.

I had another run in with this site’s rudest admin, but I don’t remember why, probably because it was another stupid reason. He was even more rude, and at one point, he said, “I busted your ass for abusing the report button too.” I reminded him that Ashal said he was out of line, and even showed him the messages. I had to contact Ashal AGAIN to set this guy straight! So yeah, moderator who said “you can’t try to play innocent,” I HAVE gotten warning points before… and they were ruled as unjustified and REMOVED. And those other admins you mentioned were also in the wrong for warning me for this! I reported the zoophilia mod ONCE. I clicked the button ONCE. I was able to find my reason given to me BY THE SITE. I. Did. Not. Do. Anything. WRONG!!

And they said, “We get too many people who report files just because they don’t like a specific fetish.” OKAY! There you go! If you get that many people complaining about fucking RAPE, then don’t allow it!! JESUS CHRIST!! And it’s not a fetish! These are criminal urges that these monsters have, and you’re encouraging them! I’ve never been raped in reality, but upon seeing the zoophilia mod, I almost threw up. I was crying, I was SCARRED, I could not find happiness for WEEKS. After this ordeal that you people have put me through, I feel like I need therapy!

I was brutally raped in a nightmare I had once, one of the most detailed and realistic ones I’ve ever had. First let me explain that I suffer from C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder), which is a type of PTSD victims of abuse suffer from. I was only molested once in my life for a brief moment, but I was too young to understand it, and it has not scarred me. My PTSD comes from child abuse. Because of this, I have what I affectionately call “nightmare seasons.” Ask anyone who has a form of PTSD, and they can confirm that this is a regular thing. It’s where you have brutal nightmares and night terrors that occur nearly every night for weeks, sometimes months on end. They will stop for a brief period of time (a few days or weeks), and you will have normal nightmares and dreams, but then the nightmares return for another merciless round. These are nightmares that haunt you for days at a time, maybe more. They affect your mood during the day, you can’t get them out of your head, you feel physically exhausted, mentally drained, and you usually wake up drenched in cold sweat. My side of the mattress has a big pink stain where my sweat has made the pink color of our sheets run. Not only that, but my dreams are so realistic, it’s as if the me in this reality goes to bed only to shift to another me in a different reality, and then I return to my reality when SHE goes to sleep.

Anyway, I wrote a blog about it, one that took me six hours to write. It’s here if you want to read it: https://reitannaseishin.wordpress.com/2017/04/24/dreams-and-the-multiverse-theory/

This projection (person who exists in your dreams), Randy, shows up a lot. In short, this extremely violent nightmare tied together a string of other nightmares into a story (I wrote a blog about how my dreams all connect with each other too), solving a LOT of mysteries, like why I’m crippled in most of my dreams. It’s because Randy, after brutally killing my adopted child, held me on my hands and knees, pointed a gun at the back of my head, raped me, and then shot me in the spine. I FELT EVERYTHING. I always do. I ALWAYS feel pain in my dreams, and also pleasure, but this hurt. This hurt so bad, I am still not over it. It was so fucking real, when I woke up, I was confused as to where I was. I started sobbing, and my poor boyfriend was absolutely bewildered. I didn’t think that that would scar me… it wasn’t real, right? But it did. I am not saying that I now qualify as a rape victim. What I’m saying is, if a DREAM did that to me, how the fuck do you think it affects people who experience it for REAL?

Fetishes are not supposed to harm people unless all who are involved consent to it. Rape of any species is not a fetish. When I complained about it, I was bullied for it. “Land of Confusion,” anyone? One mentioned that it didn’t hurt anyone because it was just a game, that it’s ENTERTAINING if it’s fake. But you know what? It DOES hurt people. It didn’t just hurt me to see it, it fucking DESTROYED me. Even trying to ignore it, if it’s even MENTIONED, I break down. The human rape mods aren’t as bad as the zoophilia one, so you can imagine just how traumatizing it was. Would you fuck your child? Well, that’s what you’re doing to your beloved cat or dog. You’re RAPING your child. I look at my son, Jerry, who is a rat, and I don’t see someone sexy, I see someone precious that I want to protect and care for, someone to love platonically until I die, someone to cherish and respect. It’d be the same if he were a dog, cat, or even a lizard. He is my child, I adopted him, and he is EVERYTHING TO ME.

I actually did try to change things on this site. I tried contacting the company the site was bought from, and I tried bringing the case to EA. I never got an answer from the former, and I didn’t hear the conclusion from the latter. After that, I gave up trying to change it, and I ignored it like y’all wanted me to. But then you accuse me of CRUSADING just by posting a status? Am I going to get banned for posting this blog? I’m doing this because I NEED TO. I’m not trying to change your mind, if I were, I’d actually DO something! I’m not some SJW that acts like she’s gonna do something about it but doesn’t! I have very important rules that I live by. The first one is, NEVER TRUST ANYONE. Second, ALWAYS be honest. Third, hope is a waste of time, faith is a lie, and you should give up on your dreams because they never come true anyway. Are you afraid of me? You shouldn’t be, I have no power. I’d love to snap my fingers and eliminate all of the disgusting monsters on this planet, but I can’t. I am no threat to you. You guys did a lot of mental damage to me, congratulations, but seriously, what are you expecting me to do? Do you know how much I’ve had to endure during my life? Enough to know that giving up is the only option. I gave up before you gave me that second fucking suspension, in which case ALL warning points and suspensions were unjustified, unreasonable, and unfair.

I seriously hope Ashal delivers repercussions for your insubordination. Plus, how many people are reading my blogs or looking at my status anyway? One or two people?! Yup, I’m building me an army. Maybe you guys should mention in the rules that crimes such as rape are allowed. That way, instead of punishing people, and THEN telling them it’s allowed, they will already know. You can’t punish a child for drawing on the walls if you never taught it that it’s wrong.

Now leave me alone.



I got banned for posting this journal. My account was reactivated, but still, I got banned simply for speaking my mind, and the journal was removed. The only reason I still go to LoversLab is because it’s the only place that has quality adult Sims content. Otherwise I wouldn’t deal with the heavy corruption happening behind the scenes of this website. I’m sorry, but if you enjoy rape, if you consider it a fetish, if you WANT it, you are sick, you are a criminal, and you should be eradicated. I wish I ruled the world.

I Know I Can Seem Bitchy

Not a lot of people read my blog here, which is part of the reason I go to it to really vent. Whether people read it or not, posting my feelings makes me feel like I’m speaking to someone who is there just to listen, like a therapist. And those who do read it have told me how much they can relate to me.

But I completely understand that, especially through text, I can come off as abrasive, hostile, unfriendly, and downright bitchy. Well, there’s honestly a few reasons for that. With text, the main reason is how the reader chooses to read something, and that applies to many people online; so many misunderstandings have ended up in fights and lost friendships just because someone chose to read the text in an unfriendly tone. Not only that, but everyone who knows me knows that I have speech and social development problems that cannot be fixed. I hate them. People accuse me of thinking I’m better than everyone else, or that I’m vain, or that I think I’m special. The one that really grinds my gears is when people think I talk about my problems because I want others to feel sorry for me.

I am sorry I come off this way. I would change it if I could. I try my hardest to be nice to individuals who are also kind, people who deserve to be treated well because they treat others well. But when I rant, I’m releasing a lot of pent up feelings and emotions that aren’t directed toward any one person alone, but types of people, or situations, or even things that really aren’t a big deal. That’s me bitching, I know. I’m a woman, women bitch. XD Still, it’s my therapy, and it makes me feel better. Plus, it’s a very healthy way to get out your anger and frustrations, something I have been told by professionals and non-professionals alike. Some people drink or do drugs. Some people punch holes in their walls or beat their spouse. Some people kill people. I complain on a blog that hardly anyone reads. Sometimes I complain on videos, which surprised me when people gave positive feedback. Sometimes I’ll rant in a journal on DeviantArt if I feel I need some feedback or response, if I need to see if people feel the same way so that I know I’m not alone. Not everyone is going to agree with my views, and I get that. Still, sometimes, even though my logical brain knows that there are nearly eight billion people on the planet, and statistically, it’s impossible for me to be the only one with these specific views or problems, my irrational brain will tell me, “you’re abnormal, no one feels the same as you, you’re alone.” Those are not happy thoughts. If I can find comfort in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone, I am allowed to do that, even if a small few find it annoying, or even if some incredibly sad person decides to post segments of my rants up on a cyberbullying website and deliberately leaves out ANYTHING that shows that what they are saying of me is not true.

I am an honest person with many problems. Just because I’m open about my problems, doesn’t mean I enjoy having them. Honestly, I have mad respect for my boyfriend, who is mentally healthy and can shove things off easily. I wish I could do that. I choose to try, naturally, but my brain does not allow it. My brain does not allow me to take criticism, though most “criticism” I get is from people who don’t know the difference between “criticism” and blatantly insulting someone’s work. I’m sorry, but I can’t control this either, but why should it concern anyone else? It’s not your problem, and letting it bother you is just wasting your time and energy off of something that’s nothing. It’s not because I only want to hear good things, it’s because, if something is wrong with my work, my irrational brain says, “well, there you go, you fucked it up. Good job, you worthless piece of shit. Why do you even try? Just give up.” These thoughts aren’t fun, and I don’t understand how people could hold it against me for having them. If you’ve got a problem with how my irrational brain works, please, for the love of god, become a scientist and find the cure for mental illness. I will bow down to you and praise you like a deity.

What people don’t understand is, I may seem bitchy when I’m complaining, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a friendly person. There are other people like me who lack certain social skills. In fact, for those of you who watch The Game Theorists on YouTube, you’ll know that one of their editors (and dear friend) killed himself. When MatPat was describing his personality, it was shockingly similar to mine, how his way of speaking was something others had to get used to, how only his close friends ever knew what he meant when he was speaking, HOW PEOPLE THOUGHT HE WAS EXTREMELY RUDE OR UNKIND WHEN HE WASN’T MEANING TO COME OFF THAT WAY. In fact, one of the things Ronnie didn’t have in common with me is that he bottled everything up. I’m willing to bet that he could have greatly benefitted from doing what I do and just letting it all out, just so that it doesn’t fester inside and create this unstable ball of misery and self-loathing. He’s not the only one either. I try to encourage people to get things off their chest, even if no one is listening. People come to me to vent or to get advice, and I love that because it means that they are using me as an outlet to feel better about themselves… you know, in a way that isn’t harassment. And you know what? So many people have told me that I stopped them from killing themselves. That makes me feel good because this world needs to be rid of the bad people, not the kind-hearted. Do I think I’ll save the world? Of course not, that’s silly. How much difference am I making? I don’t know, but even a small difference is important to me. I don’t believe I have any other purpose but to try and help people not be like me. It also makes me hate humanity even more when people vent to me about problems way worse than I’ve ever personally dealt with, things that make me feel sick. I’ll never understand how people enjoy using sex as a weapon.

Also, the “pity” thing. I’ve said it so many times, I’m surprised people still accuse me of trying to get y’all to feel sorry for me. “Oh, poor Reitanna! She has to deal with so much crap! I feel so sorry for her!” Tell me, does that sound pleasant to you? Yeah, me either. When people pity me for my personal shortcomings, it makes me feel like I shouldn’t try to battle them, it makes me feel like… well, like I’m pitiful! I need sympathy in the times that really matter, such as the sickness or death of a loved one, and really, that sympathy isn’t even for me, it’s for the one who suffered. If I have a pet who dies, I tell everyone because, for one, people often fall in love with my babies too, and for two, because that baby deserves the love that is expressed by those giving their sympathy. But for my own sicknesses? My flaws? My upbringing? Sure, no one deserves what I’ve been though, but the truth is, millions do. I’m far from the only one suffering, and as previously mentioned, there are plenty of people who suffer worse fates. This isn’t some contest. I just love how people don’t realize that I am helping myself. I chose to see a psychiatrist and get help. I choose to vent my feelings instead of drown in them. I choose to try and stay as strong as I can for the people I love. To pity me is like saying none of it was worth it, that as far as I’ve come, it was a waste of time. All I ever want when I am talking about my problems is for people to understand and empathize. I mean, how else am I going to defend myself when people think I’m being a bitch?! “This is why I come off like that…” I explain my issues to help people understand why they misjudged me. That’s not a crime, that’s just honesty. What, am I supposed to make up some fake reason? That’s called “lying.”

People also think that I’m upset or something when I’m not, simply because of the way I type, but if you heard me speak, you’d know the difference. Actually, if you’ve seen the way I type when I’m upset, the difference is black and white. In my channel video, I’m showing my bubbliness, and in the description, it says not to leave hateful comments. That’s not me going from 😀 to >:(, that’s me giving a reasonable demand to help protect both myself and people commenting on my videos. There’s not indication that that sentence gave any negative intent, you know, unless you wanted to leave a hateful comment, in which case, you’re a very sad individual with whom I don’t wish to associate. If I’m upset or being mean, you’ll know. “And don’t you fuckers leave any fucking shitty comments, or I swear to FUCKING god…” Doesn’t that sound hostile? Doesn’t that make, “don’t leave hateful comments” sound civil now? That’s because it always was, you just chose to take offense to something that does not show offensiveness. If people find me even the least bit annoying, which I don’t blame you, and they have nothing better to do than to make mountains out of molehills, which I do blame you for, they will fit my words to their narrative. For instance, the blog I posted about my dermatillomania… showing only the things I say where I’m bitching, and then not posting the part where I say I’m not looking for pity makes others believe I want pity. That’s why I always tell people to come to me to get the truth. Most people who make hateful threads about me are people who either misunderstand me, or are just hateful bastards who want to ruin my, what they call “popularity.” Or they want my “white knights” to fight with them or something. They are simply juveniles with lower self esteem than I have, and that’s saying something. I mean, c’mon… “white knights?” That’s pitiful.

And they say, “if you don’t want hate, don’t post shit on the internet.” You know, that’s sad. It’s sad that the human race is so hateful, that we are supposed to expect everyone to bash our heads in every time we post something. Yeah, it’s true that most of the people who use the internet are sheep who hide behind their computer screens pretending to be big bad wolves, but that doesn’t change the fact that there are still kind, honest, and fun people to communicate with. I have social anxiety disorder, this is my only means of socializing. No, I don’t expect to receive hate for what I post, because I’m not doing anything wrong. If I do receive hate, it’s not my fault, it’s theirs. I want to have fun, be happy, feel accomplished, and share my successes that prove I am ten times better than either of my stupid parents ever even hoped to be. Every human likes praise and positive attention. I work hard, I work to get the kind of attention everyone wants, the kind that all hard workers deserve. I have a curse; the desire to prove myself. You would too if you were told all your life that you’d fail by the people who were supposed to love you.

And yeah, I think I’m ugly without makeup. I am a very eccentric person, I like bright colors, flashy clothes, gaudy jewelry, etc. And you know what? Without my makeup, all I see in the mirror is the woman who gave birth to me just to make my life a living hell. That whore is the ugliest piece of shit on the fucking planet, and I could literally be her twin. I love makeup. I’m even a certified makeup artist. I can do all types of makeup, from subtle and casual to dramatic and whimsical. I’ve gotten more compliments on my appearance when I’m wearing what I like to wear than without. My boyfriend also loves it when I make myself look my best (he thinks I’m pretty anyway, but I disagree with him). I’m his type of girl. If you have a problem with my choice in fashion, that’s your problem, not mine. Maybe you just need to dress the way you want too and stop being a sheep. Or maybe you need to focus on real problems, like school, your job, bills, chores, whatever. Get up, go learn a new skill, get a hobby or two! Here I am learning 3D modeling and game coding on top of many other talents and hobbies, and here you are, sitting in a corner, hating on someone that doesn’t deserve it, being all unhappy and angry… I’m going to be someone’s wife soon.

But really, to whoever is reading this, I just want you to know that I am easily misunderstood due to my less desirable idiosyncrasies, and I am sorry if you hear some really bad things about me. I’m even more sorry if you believe them. If you truly don’t like me for whatever reason, there are two things you can do: You can either come to me and ask me civil questions to cure your misunderstandings, or you could just forget me. I’m not everywhere, I’m not in the news, I’m not “trending,” it’s easy to move on from me. I am not important to you. I am not hurting you. I think I deserve the same kindness I am giving you by not hurting you. I don’t have any reason to bitch at any one person unless they start shit first. And just because I bitch about stuff in rants, and just because I bitch out people who decided to throw the first stone at me, does not mean I am a bitch to everyone, and it also does not mean that everything I say is bitchy. Not everyone is going to like everyone, but no one deserves to be a victim of slander.

And as a parting note, I don’t think I’m special. No one is special. I’m a perfectionist that is far from perfect, and that drives me INSANE. There’s a difference between vanity and self esteem, and when I try to have a little self esteem, it’s no excuse for anyone to claim I’m vain. Actually, I wish I were vain… then I’d have high self esteem. XD


This post has not been proofread. Any typos or misspellings simply prove I’m human.

Pardon Me for a Second…

I need to get something out. This entry has no other purpose. I will be referencing “you,” but I guarantee the “you” is no one reading this. So… just let me empty my bottle for a moment…






Alright then. Back to work.

Problem with Sims 4 CC Creators

Okay, so here’s the deal. Too many creators of Sims CC have this idea in their heads that they can restrict other people from using their content in certain ways; not including the mesh when recoloring, not modifying the mesh, not posting their creations on other websites even with credit, and worst of all, charging money for “exclusive” content. Sometimes it’s just because creators didn’t read EA’s service agreement… and sometimes it’s outright vanity. Note that what I post here comes straight from EA and the Sims team, and are absolute fact.


First off, section five of the service agreement: https://www.ea.com/terms-of-service#section5


“You are responsible for your UGC. You may not upload UGC that infringes a third party’s intellectual property rights or that violates the law, this Agreement or a third party’s right of privacy or right of publicity.

EA may, in its sole discretion, remove, edit or disable UGC for any reason, including if EA reasonably determines that UGC violates this Agreement. EA does not assume any responsibility or liability for UGC, for removing it, or not removing it or other Content. EA does not pre-screen all UGC and does not endorse or approve any UGC available on EA Services.

When you contribute UGC, you grant to EA, its licensors and licensees a non-exclusive, perpetual, transferable, worldwide, sublicensable license to use, host, store, reproduce, modify, create derivative works, publicly perform, publicly display or otherwise transmit and communicate the UGC, or any portion thereof, in any manner or form and in any medium or forum, whether now known or hereafter devised, without notice, payment or attribution of any kind to you or any third party. You also grant all other users who can access and use your UGC on an EA Service the right to use, copy, modify, display, perform, create derivative works from, and otherwise communicate and distribute your UGC on or through the relevant EA Service without further notice, attribution or compensation to you.”


I went ahead and asked for a short of “dumbed down” summary of this section. I was told this: https://answers.ea.com/t5/Game-Information/inquiry-about-EA-service-agreement/m-p/6476531/highlight/false#M1933





“As per the User Agreement, all user generated content (UGC) cannot be restricted by the creator if they use EA game assets. UGC includes not only CC or mods, UGC can also be screenshots from the game, videos, or content you upload to the Gallery.

By restricting we mean the following:

  • Requires payment
  • Requires creator permission


However, even if not required, it is considered common courtesy to credit a creator if you re-use and slightly modify their created content.”


And lastly, from a SimGuru: http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/comment/16175450/#Comment_16175450


“CC/Mods locked behind a paywall and Patreon.

  1. CC/Mods Locked Behind Paywalls – Creators cannot lock content they make using our game behind a paywall. While we do not police this content (there is no way we would create a team simply to monitor this) we do take reports sent to us seriously and action accordingly.
  2. Patreon – We understand that folks who make CC / Mods for others to enjoy are doing it in their free time and may desire to offset costs to create the content by using this service. As long as the content is still made available FOR FREE we do not mind these types of pages. Folks who have a Patreon page are welcome to provide folks with “early access” incentives for their content but it should be made available to the general public within 2-3 weeks of it being given to folks early.”


I think all of that is pretty clear. I myself was under the assumption some time ago that I owned my CC, and that I could say things like, “you cannot recolor without my permission!! You can’t include the mesh!!!” Welp, I was wrong, just like many creators are. OR SOME PEOPLE DON’T CARE LIKE PANDORASIMS. That site indeed steals free content from creators and demands you pay a monthly fee to have access to all of it. They even say on their contact page: *WARNING: NSFW-ADULT CONTENT-18+*http://pandorasims.net/contact.html




  1. Asking about anything not related to this site.
  2. Stupid stuff like just saying hello.
  3. Requests for free subscriptions.
  4. About what I am doing is wrong. Tough tits I’m doing it I DON’T CARE what YOU think! I don’t even read these emails don’t waste your time!
  5. Copyright bullshit. These are unofficial mods they have NO copyright so All your mods are belong to me!
  6. About how you paid for mods your paying for the convenience and the self installer which makes YOUR life easier that’s what YOUR paying for!
  7. ANY spam will automatically get deleted and your email BLOCKED FOREVER. So your wasting your time!
  8. ANY urls or web address’s will be blocked. SO kiss my ass spammers!”


As far as I know, the site is ran by one person, and they sound like some angsty teen who likes to break any rule because that makes them “hardcore.” On the FAQ, it says: http://pandorasims.net/faq.html


Q: Do you realize what your doing is unethical and wrong?!
A: No it’s not because everything created in the sims is unofficial mods and they have NO copyright.”


That answer is NOT correct. But of course, if you were to try and email them with the correct information, they’d “delete it sucka!” Some of YOUR stuff might even be on PandoraSims. Please urge anyone with an account to cancel it, and report the site to EA to help get it shut down. It’s not just unethical, it’s illegal.

As for actual creators, yes, we must have common courtesy and credit anyone whose work we use, but creators must also know that they cannot put such restrictions on their content. All of this should not be used as an excuse to claim other people’s work as your own, but it SHOULD be used to broaden creative freedom and abolish fear mongering. We may all use any CC however we want, and that opens up new and broader opportunities for artists developing this content, but we should not be rude about it.

If you’re on Patreon, and you have exclusive content only available to people who donate, please consider the facts and operate honestly, allow all of your content to anyone, and simply switch to the early access option mentioned above. Know your rights as creators.

A recent incident has caused Emma’s Simposium to shut down because Emma was being constantly harassed by eight Patreon users, the “leader” being Leosims. Leosims allegedly said that no matter where Emma went or what she did, Leosims would be there and she would destroy Emma and Emma’s Simposium.

For those of you who do not know what Emma’s Simposium was, it was a site that provided lost content, as well as content that the original creators demand money for. Every item was credited, and as said above, she had every right to post that stuff. Still, she was being harassed, so she quit providing Patreon content. Apparently someone else took that up, but Leosims and seven unnamed creators accused the person of being Emma, and ended up threating them. An email from Emma began with, “When I decided to give up the paid/patreon content and let someone else carry the burden for a while I thought that would be the end of it and I could focus on the missing content and create a new site that would out shine any other site that offered to find and share missing content. But that was not the case. After enduring a ton of harassment and being threatened even after I no longer had anything to do with the sharing of patreon content and the threats to an innocent person that had nothing to do with the patreon content I have decided to quit the sims all together. Believe me this decision did not come easy and comes with a heavy heart.”

This was all because a few creators don’t understand (or care) about the law. It is disgusting that someone would do this when it is within their rights. I can only imagine the cruelty that these creators decided to bestow upon innocent people in order to “destroy” them. Leosims and those seven other creators should feel ashamed of themselves, and Leosims needs to get off her high horse and start obeying the law. Not only that, she has ensured that missing and payment exclusive content cannot be provided for people.

There are quite a few creators that restrict their CC behind a paywall; Maysims, Newsea, and Butterflysims are the ones that come to mind immediately. Any attempts to contact them about the issue go unanswered… hell, MaySims’ contact form doesn’t even work. There are plenty of people who want to fight against payment exclusive content, but let’s face it, the bad guys always win.

If any creator who does these things sees this, I have provided you with the hard facts, and if you disagree with them, you are wrong. There are links and everything. Instead of acting like little school children and saying, “nuh-uh!” go do the research yourself, this case isn’t too hard, all you’ve got to do is read the service agreement and contact some actual game developers and employees of the company. Wait… I’ve done that for you. But if you want to go in a circle, go ahead. Perhaps it’ll give you the hard slap in the face you clearly need.

Leosims and your seven sheep, you did a horrible thing, and I hope you’re proud of yourselves.

“I Should Play God”

So sick of stupid ass shits who think they’re so “hardcore” because they can say whatever shit they want to anyone and think they can get away with it. Don’t even have the fucking brain capacity to think and consider their actions. It’s like if you express any intelligence to reason with them, and they respond with, “duhr hur yer legs r stoopid!” And they’ll never learn because they’re stupid fucks who rely on mommy and daddy to provide for them. Maybe they’ll learn when they go out into the real world, get denied a loan, can’t find a job, have to live on the street selling blow jobs, begging for drugs, and getting mugged and raped until they’re lucky enough for someone to take a gun to their fucking heads and do us all a fucking favor. Or maybe they’ll learn when they push someone too far, and that person finds where they live and shoots them in the fucking head. “I’m tired of waiting, I should play god and shoot you myself.” It’s so easy to get a gun in Murica. Too bad I don’t like them. I don’t like loud sounds. Mama, when are you going to come around and put it back the way it ought to be?

If I Could, I Would

It’s 9:30 AM, got woken up around seven or eight by my rat, Jerry, chewing on the bars. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Haven’t taken my medicine yet. Yesterday I saw a comment on an old video showing anger toward mother’s day that accused me of lying about my past. I wish I had copied it before I deleted it to quote here, but I wasn’t planning on ranting about this. Bad mood. Worse mood. It started out with, “That’s a lie!!!!” It then proceeded to tell me that everything I said in the video, everything I said about what Erin did to me, did not happen, that I was “painting a picture for my fans.”

Everyone knows I don’t lie by choice. I didn’t want to include the comment in a Hall of Shame video because that series is for entertainment, not for comments that get to me. This got to me. Maybe it’s because I still have to fucking deal with it, I still have to struggle with the problems she gave me. They even said that the police had been called because of ME, and not because of her. I wanted to chew this person out, but instead, I simply said, “either learn how to swim, or get out of the gene pool. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.” Here’s what I wanted to say.

How DARE you? For one, how can you possibly say something didn’t happen if you weren’t even there? You have no right or reason to claim something that isn’t true if you don’t know if it was or not. For two, I don’t lie, honesty is my code of honor. Sorry if you’re a two-faced lying bitch, but I’m not. For three, oh? It didn’t happen? So I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for no reason? I have constant night terrors every night for months at a time because I “painted a picture?” I have flashbacks, break downs, attacks, and my adult life has been ruined due to my broken childhood because why? My hatred for the woman who gave birth to me and was supposed to love me gives me permanent resentment toward parents and family in general, I have witnesses, which is the reason why custody was taken away from her in the first place! I was a child of the state! I had to be fucking ADOPTED by my grandmother, who was the one adult who finally saw what she was doing to me! February 14, 2007. That day, my entire life changed. And each year, on February 14, I get shell shock. It’s not as bad as it was a few years ago, but it still happens. But oh, I must be lying about that too, huh? Just because someone on the internet isn’t afraid to hide their demons, doesn’t mean they’re PAINTING A FUCKING PICTURE, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT. Good for you for having a loving, caring mommy! Good for you for being so PERFECT! Good for you for being a fucking IDIOT!! There are things I can’t do now because of what she did! NORMAL things! Like talk on the phone, for one! I’m TERRIFIED of anyone taller than me! I can’t wake people up if I wake up before them! I can’t assist someone unless I ask for permission first! People raising their voice, holding up their hand too quickly, holding up cooking utensils, ALL of that makes me flinch with fear! THAT’S NOT FUCKING NORMAL!! YOU ARE A WORTHLESS LITTLE BRAT THAT ASSUMES THAT, IF SOMEONE HAS HAD A BAD LIFE, THEY’RE LYING BECAUSE THE WORLD CAN’T POSSIBLY BE THAT CRUEL, RIGHT?! Get a fucking reality check! YOU’RE A MORON!! You’re one of the types of people that helps society rot in their own waste, and then throws it around at everyone with a fucking brain so that they have to deal with it too! YOU’RE A SHEEP!! Do you know what happens to sheep? THEY GET SLAUGHTERED!! I sincerely hope that something terrible happens to you. An accident, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, ANYTHING! People like you need to fucking DIE. To quote MJK, “I should play god and shoot you myself.” You’re fucking LUCKY that I’m not the type of person to hunt you down. I’d force you to look at every scar on my body that she directly caused, then I’d give you EVERY detail of the things she did to me, to the point where you lose faith in all of humanity, and finally, I’d do TERRIBLE things to you. But that’s one of the reasons I’m on medication, because I’m not just a danger to myself, I’m a danger to OTHER PEOPLE TOO. And when I take my meds today, this comment isn’t going to bug me so much, I’ll just shake my head at your stupidity, though I will still hope that you get what you deserve because the medication doesn’t change how I feel, it just makes it so I don’t feel things at extremes. But there’s a reason why people I know in person are AFRAID to piss me off. It’s because they know what I’m capable of. I’ve had countless people describe me as “scary,” and that’s not being overly dramatic. Yeah, I can say shit on the internet, but it doesn’t have nearly as much effect as it does in person, when you can see my eyes, hear my voice, read my body language, and feel my rage. I’d be your WORST NIGHTMARE, you stupid, egotistical cunt. You’d regret every single moment of your life where you deliberately tried to mess with someone’s head. Next time, you might not get so lucky. You might mess with someone who is the type to come hunt you down, and they’ll do it. They’ll find you, they’ll torture and kill you, and you know what? I hope they do. I hope that happens to you. If I could, I’d give you all of my memories of her, my trauma, the problems she caused, my nightmares, my fears, EVERYTHING. I’d give them all to you so that you’d have to deal with it, and I’d be free. You’d kill yourself. You would FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. And I would not care. Then again, if I gave you all of the problems she caused, I wouldn’t be a sociopath, so I probably would care! Because empathy is a weakness! But right now, I’m wishing horrible things on you, things I’d NEVER wish upon anyone, things I won’t dare say on the internet because they are that terrible. I may be a fucked up person, I may have more problems than I can handle, I may be a victim to my own psyche, BUT AT LEAST I’M NOT WHATEVER YOU ARE. And if your life is already shitty, and you’re just pushing your misery onto other people, you DESERVE your shitty life. You deserve MORE than a shitty life. You are less than scum. Do us all a favor and die before you have the chance to reproduce.

Why didn’t I say all of that? Because I’m not that far gone. It’s only been like ten hours since I last took my meds, and that’s not nearly enough time to lose myself. If I had been off my meds for a good couple of weeks, I’d have written that, probably something worse, and then I would’ve had an attack. Thankfully, I still have enough common sense to tell myself that that’s what they probably wanted. They wanted me to chew them out. They wanted to upset me. They were probably trying to get a video made about them. Well, they got one thing they wanted; it upset me. While “Annatier” is whispering in my ear to teach this person a lesson, my sanity is yelling in my other ear that it’s not worth it, that this person isn’t worth it. My sanity is also telling me that ranting about it is a waste of my time, but hey, I’m far from perfect. Still, my fantasies are kept from bleeding into my reality, so I can live another day with a flawlessly blank criminal record.

In the most unrealistic of fantasy worlds, I’m friends with Hannibal Lecter, and we’d make sure this person was cooked to perfection. Of course, I would not partake in the consumption because I’m a vegetarian, but at least Hannibal would get to enjoy prime lamb.

My sanity tells me having fantasies like that is childish. Well, that’s what happens when you never got the chance to be a child. At least I can still differentiate between reality and fantasy, though sometimes I wish I couldn’t. Then I could lose myself in those fantasies to escape reality, and I could live in a world that follows my laws, with fictional characters surrounding me that do as I want them to do, behave how I want them to behave.

Alas, this is why I’m not technically considered insane.