A long time ago, I had to block a girl for giving me a hard time. She made a huge deal out of… lines in the hair of a cartoon drawing… and she would just NOT let it go. It was ridiculous, and I could not understand why it was so important to her. So I blocked her due to her toxic behavior. So I was done, I was ready to move on and forget about her…
Oh, but no… she couldn’t get over being blocked either. Whereas I decided not to bring attention to the incident, SHE made it public by writing a journal, and worst of all, filling it with lies. I wasn’t going to write a journal at all, but then she wrote one, and the only way to defend myself was to call her out on all of her lies. My journal is no longer on DA because the staff deleted it because it was “harassment,” and yet her journals (I recently found out it’s more than one!) are still up. I’ve reported them of course.
That journal was the only proof I had against her. It sucked that I didn’t have it anymore, but I figured it was over anyway. I WAS WRONG. She’s STILL making a big deal out of this, and it happened last December!! I hadn’t known that she still was until another one of her victims came forward to me. I will not release their name. They too released a journal about what happened after Midnight spread lies about THEM as well, and boy, this poor person was actually abused by her. I won’t go into detail for the sake of this person’s privacy; they made it public on DA, but I don’t have permission to share the story here.
But luckily, this person actually had my journal! This hadn’t been important to me until I discovered another journal by Midnight bashing both of us. Well DA, you can’t touch me here. Nothing in this journal has been changed except a few typos, but there are probably still some. Here’s what REALLY happened:
xXMidnightMuffinXx posted a journal about me, which I can’t read because I blocked her, but apparently, if I block someone, I’M the one to blame, I’M the bitch, I’M just the worst person in the fucking world. so I want to clear some shit up for anyone who takes her words and believes them. after all, a lie gets half way around the world before the truth even has a chance to put its pants on.
what happened? well, first of all, I ALWAYS make it so that harassment, spam, trolling, etc. are no longer visible to the public because I can’t delete them on DA, it’s not possible. I do the same thing on youtube, except I can delete those. why do I delete them/hide them? so that I don’t have to see that bullshit, and no one else has to experience the unpleasantness, because whether you agree with me or the other person, it puts you in a bad mood and might start MORE shit. I block you for my health, because you started shit, you know it, you want to continue it, and I don’t want to deal with your behavior, nor do I want you harassing others in my comments section.
first off, I have to say that xXMidnightMuffinXx has caused me problems before, things that I had to deal with with as much patience as I can. she has started shit with other commenters and goaded them into arguments with her, and thankfully, when I told her both parties were at fault in some way, she DID apologize. but if she’s the person I think she is, she caused me a lot of trouble when she was a kid, like TEN, and she started watching muffins. I’m not going to say for certain that she is the same person, because I can’t remember. needless to say, I have been given many reasons to have gotten annoyed and spiteful toward her, but overall, she was still kind to me, so despite all of this, I remained civil and kind to her. remember, never throw the first stone.
but then she threw the stone, and she’s mad at ME for defending myself. not to mention that she caught me at the worst time; I hadn’t taken my meds yet. if I had had my meds, I could’ve handled the situation better unlike her, I am able to admit when I’m wrong and when I made mistakes. my mistake was allowing myself to respond without medication when I should have waited until a few hours AFTER I took it. regardless, her petty screenshot of whatever the fuck she took of our conversation is nothing. people have taken screenshots of convos with me before, always purposefully leaving out important parts that negate their claims. so you may not be able to see them first hand, but I will go ahead and show you here.
xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 1, 2018
Hmm…The mane looks a little off. Don’t the lines go sideways, like Inkie Pie’s?
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 1, 2018
this is a different mane style though
xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 1, 2018
But…completely??
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 1, 2018
well yeah, you gotta compare it to her mane when she was a filly
xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 1, 2018
So the lines moved?? I don’t understand.
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
it’s just hair, dude…
xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 2, 2018
Why would the lines in her hair shift over the years, that’s all I’m asking, jeez.
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
why does it matter?
xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 2, 2018
You’re normally accurate on these sorts of things.
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
but it doesn’t matter. I didn’t realize that me being perfect meant so much to you. I must be pretty stupid to not be perfect. maybe it’s that way just because it’s shorter? maybe it’s that way because it’s healthier? maybe it’s that way because that’s just the way I designed it, and instead of questioning it, you should just let it be because making a huge deal out of it is unnecessary and not something you should do because it’s fucking rude? I dunno, or maybe it’s just because I’m a fucking retard. that must be it. because wahw, I have to be accurate 100% of the time OR ELSE. I have to be PERFECT. I need to do everything right the first time I do it. maybe I should just drink bleach and kill myself like everyone tells me to. then I wouldn’t be such a burden on all of you. FUCK.
xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 2, 2018
I’M being rude? You’re not the only one who has insecurities. If you had just told me this from the start you wouldn’t have gotten pissed off.
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 2, 2018
sometimes you say the most asinine things.
xXMidnightMuffinXx Edited Dec 3, 2018
Right, sure. You’re just afraid to admit that you were being the rude one. I’ve seen this before in other people.
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 3, 2018
no, I was not being rude, you were being rude for continuing to ask a question that clearly didn’t need more answers than I gave. I’m not “afraid to admit” anything, I always admit when I’m wrong. the thing is, you’ve done this before, MULTIPLE times. it’s a personality flaw of yours that drives me absolutely up the wall. you make the biggest deal out of the littlest things, wasting energy and aggravating people in the process. I think you need to step back and evaluate yourself and how you speak to people. there are times when you should just say “okay” instead of badgering someone about something that doesn’t matter. if you continue this toxic behavior, I will have to ban you from commenting for my health.
xXMidnightMuffinXx Dec 3, 2018
You’re seriously one to talk, just saying. 
Reitanna-Seishin Dec 3, 2018
you don’t know anything about me. I’ve never done shit to you. I treat people the way I want to be treated, that is, unless they treat me the way I DON’T want to be treated. if you SERIOUSLY don’t think you did anything wrong, then you SERIOUSLY need help. go take your “artists need to make everything perfect” attitude to tumblr. “you’re one to talk.” honestly, really? that doesn’t even make sense.
and then I blocked her. alright, first to point out, the comment was unnecessary to begin with. she often asks these unnecessary questions that either don’t need explanation, or the answer is obvious. next, I gave an explanation, so that’s where she should have said, “okay.” then she claims she doesn’t understand. in my experience, she doesn’t understand a lot of simple things. I’d hide my annoyance at having to explain things to her more than was necessary, thinking to myself, “how can you NOT understand this?” but by this point, she was already making a big deal out of nothing, so I calmly said, “it’s just hair, dude…” like… chill out, it’s not important. it’s hair, and as a trained hair dresser, I can tell you from experience that hair likes to do its own thing. but it’s JUST hair. it’s not big deal. but then she said, “Why would the lines in her hair shift over the years, that’s all I’m asking, jeez.” jeez? why the defensiveness. all you had to say was, “yeah, you’re right, lol.” I mean, you wouldn’t even have to say I was right, just acknowledge that you were making a mountain out of a molehill and let it go.
so now that my scales had been rubbed the wrong way, I ask why it matters, and she has the gall to say that I’m normally accurate with those things. here is where you can obviously tell that “Annatier” has decided to take over my part of the conversation, but even now, looking at the entire thing and completely stable, even though I see my errors, I still feel pissed about the conversation, so I know that it WASN’T all “Annatier’s” fault. xXMidnightMuffinXx should’ve known better. for how much I beat myself up for not being perfect? for how much stress and anxiety I have to endure every time I make a mistake that hardly anyone else will notice? not to mention the constant bullying I get from people who assume my desire to be perfect means that I think I AM perfect. do you know how many people tell me to kill myself? knowing I’m suicidal? thank god for my meds, or “Anna” would have her way, and all of those people who hate me would be happy. “Anna” says that mommy would be happy too. hey, at least I’d be free from months of constant nightmares. but regardless, my meds do great things concerning my suicidal tendancies, and the closest I got to breaking was after Tommy’s passing when I was being violently harassed about it on youtube. BUT I DIDN’T. I didn’t hurt myself once. and no matter how down I’ve gotten, I haven’t considered offing myself, or harming myself. I’m SAFE right now, but only from my own hand. “Anna” still likes to tell me shit, like if I don’t do everything perfectly, it’s the reason why mommy didn’t love me, the reason anything bad has happened to me, and it’s the reason I’m worthless. my self esteem is DANGEROUSLY low, and unlike our BELOVED president, I don’t have narcissistic personality disorder to fool me into thinking I’m the best. people accuse me of being vain, but you know, I really wish I were a little vain, then I wouldn’t be so damaged by my own fucking flaws and accidental mistakes.
then xXMidnightMuffinXx says I’m not the only one with insecurities. um…. duh? I know that. there’s nearly eight BILLION people on the planet, and if there is a single person without ANY insecurities, I want to meet them and learn their secret. besides, that has nothing to do with what you did. you deliberately targeted my insecurities to set me off. again, I’d have handled that MUCH better if I had been in control, but I think many of you have been on the butt end of “Anna’s” fury before. some of you left me because you assume I was just like that. those of you who stayed knew it wasn’t ME talking. those of you who came back learned later that it wasn’t me, and you were able to empathize, which is all I ever ask of people. I’ve apologized for this behavior, but those of you who are intelligent know that I cannot cure it, I just have to stay on my meds. and I do, but if something catches me before I take them, well… I’m unpredictable.
so then I was able to take back control for a brief moment. I had a moment where my rational mind stepped in and said, “relax, she does this all the time, you don’t need to write another paragraph.” I only spoke the truth; “sometimes you say the most asinine things.” she does. though in truth, it’s not sometimes, it’s often. that’s where I felt done. but “Anna” eagerly awaited the chance to throw another tantrum, and lo and behold, it did come. not only did xXMidnightMuffinXx tell me I was afraid to admit something, but she acted like she’s figured me all out, like she just knows how people are, like it’s black and white. completely IGNORING her own statements, she acted as though I responded to her first comment with “Anna’s” first reply.
everyone knows I’m not afraid to admit anything. not anymore. well, I do feel the fear, naturally, but it doesn’t stop me. I have better common sense than that, I know the consequences of lying. why do you think honesty is my code of honor? I’ve gone seven years without lying to people by choice. if I killed someone, I’d call the police on myself. why? because I know I’d be EASILY found. I’m not sneaky, smooth, and careful… nor smart enough… to compare to serial killers who went decades without getting caught. maybe if I thought there was a chance I could get away with it, I’d milk it a little bit, but that’s the part of me who still lives in the world of Hannibal Lecter and other fictional killers. I KNOW the law, I KNOW the process, I KNOW how it all works in reality, so I’d fess up immediately, do my time, and be done with it. if you run and fight, you get harder time. same with small things, like when I accidentally left a drawer out after opening back when I worked at walgreens. I HATED opening shifts; I’m terrible at mornings, and I am sleepy and incoherent. anyway, the drawer was still on the counter, filled with money, and ANYONE could’ve jacked it. I saw my mistake, made sure the money was still there, and put the drawer away. I could’ve just kept silent about it… no one would know, right? well, my paranoid mind walks in and says, “what if they need to check the security footage for some reason, and they just happen to see your error?” bam. I went straight to my boss’ office, told him exactly what happened, and I got ZERO punishment. he simply said he was glad I fixed it, that nothing was stolen, and to be more careful. I never made that mistake again.
the point is, even though we fear the consequences of our actions and wish to conceal them, it’s easier to tell the truth, and if you do, any punishment for said action will be so much less than if you lie and they find the truth out on their own. I mean, look at all the political figures who are going to jail for lying to people like the FBI? keeping up lies is harder too, because you have to try and keep the story straight. with a memory like mine… heh, I USED to be able to lie really well, but then 2009 happened, and even though I was in the process of teaching myself to be honest, I’d still slip up, and I realized how much harder it was anyway. I lied more when I was a kid, toward the end of high school, I was working on myself because I was sick of everyone lying to me, so I felt, “well, it makes ME feel horrible, it must make other people feel horrible too.” the hardest part was to get myself to stop saying, “I’m fine” when people asked how I was, and I totally was not fine. the second hardest part was keeping from lying to myself.
I ALWAYS admit when I’m wrong. if I don’t know if I’m right or not, i’ll say so. if I’m right, I KNOW I’m right. if I THINK I’m right, and someone proves me wrong, it SUCKS, and I HATE the feeling, but I admit that I was wrong. you see, there’s a natural reaction that happens to all of us when we’re told we’re wrong. it actually triggers the fight or flight response, you know, the thing that happens when our lives are in danger. so, when proven wrong, or even told we’re wrong, even if we aren’t, we enter fight or flight, and that’s why we get so hostile, that’s why we feel genuine pain when we’re told we’re wrong. to ADMIT you’re wrong takes courage. “courage is the mastering of fear, not the absence of it.” I could be scared to death to admit something, but that doesn’t mean I can’t, because I have a lot of courage that I wish I had when I was younger. so no, I’m not afraid to admit anything.
“Anna” and I were sort of having a tug of war with my reply to that. you can still see the immaturity, but it’s still more rational than that really dramatic reply. the truth is, it just seems like xXMidnightMuffinXx is never aware of the things she does wrong, and I’m not saying accidental mistakes that make us human, I mean with her attitude. when she says something rude, or offending, or asinine, it just blows over her head. now… my question is WHY? does she have the same problem I do? was she sheltered and forced to stay quiet through most of her childhood? does she have speech and social development issues? do the things she says genuinely sound fine in her head, and she can’t figure out why others take offense to it so often?
these were things I had to figure out myself about myself. like I said, “step back and evaluate.” I had to do that. that’s when I realized, once again, another part of my childhood that was not normal. just like I never learned that not all children got hit for tiny reasons, and not all parents were like mine, I had to think about people with normal childhoods and realize, “wait, other children don’t usually get punished for speaking.” children with good parents, even ones with social anxiety disorder, wouldn’t have speech development issues caused my lack of communication. an extreme example of this would be feral children like Genie. THAT POOR CHILD. god, her story is just… disgusting… anyway, she’s a prime example of what happens if children are not allowed to communicate with other humans properly. my case is not NEARLY as severe, not even close. I still had opportunities to speak with friends, and times when Erin was sober that I could talk, laugh, and all that. going to my grandmother’s every summer since I was ten was VERY beneficial to my speech development, but as Genie has helped proven, there is a critical period when humans cannot retain a language, which is why it’s so difficult for adults to learn new languages, and why I just cannot remember how to speak French, or the amount of Japanese I learned myself. after a child hits puberty, the ability to retain language is significantly harder, and can be impossible in severe cases, like with Genie. I, however, was exposed to enough language due to school and other times of freedom in my childhood before puberty that I could speak fluently and, for the most part, comprehensively. however, with social anxiety disorder and abuse, my social development was much slower. my most recent blog tries to explain why I seem so bitchy through text: reitannaseishin.wordpress.com/… but it’s not just text, it’s happened verbally in person too.
so… is the same thing happening with xXMidnightMuffinXx? Do I do the same thing people do to me? did I have a moment where my irrational brain tells me I’m the only one? it’s not just possible, but probable. I can’t know that for sure. if that is indeed the case, I can understand, and I’m more at fault than it seems. this could have been a misunderstanding that was exacerbated by my lack of stability at the time due to no meds. that would excuse xXMidnightMuffinXx from being so rude because, if she TRULY didn’t know what she was saying, then it’s NOT her fault, but it is at the same time. She just can’t REALIZE she’s at fault because that part of development would be missing. it’s like… it’s her fault, but it’s not her fault that she doesn’t realize it’s her fault. I get what I’m saying, I don’t blame you guys for not getting it… that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help, she still needs to step back and understand why people take offense to her so often, and she needs to try and think about what she says before saying it, ESPECIALLY through text, where we are ALL guilty of reading it wrong.
oh, but “Annatier” doesn’t think it’s our fault at all. she’d rather believe that we’re the only one with this problem, and you all know how she feels entitled to being understood without bothering to understand others who may be in our exact same situation. she’s the one who tells me we’re the only one in the world with these problems, which makes me feel alone. without my meds, my rational mind has a hard time convincing me that she’s wrong… because she IS wrong. it’s obvious in “Anna’s” replies that I was unable to step back and think about myself, and the possibility that xXMidnightMuffinXx is in my boat, and I’m just doing the same thing people do to me. “Anna” is a huge hypocrite in nature, and she is blinded by her own feeling of isolation to accept possibilities. she too is guilty of thinking human nature is black and white.
so yeah, we were rude…. but only after xXMidnightMuffinXx was. it’s human nature to defend oneself in such a situation. I had the right to defend myself, but my emotions fucked me up, and instead of inquiring if xXMidnightMuffinXx had meant it in such a rude way, “Annatier” took control. if I had been in a rational and stabilized state, I could have cleared up a misunderstanding if this was indeed a misunderstanding. that’s why I could not understand what she meant by, “you’re one to talk.” but all the same, that was uncalled for, and the “just saying :/” did not help sooth the child that she had unknowingly been talking to.
again, I can’t be sure of this theory. BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE HER FROM HER FUCKING JOURNAL. even though I can’t read it, I’ve read her comments and the description of her latest muffins group submission. she has no excuse to, for one, make this public, and for two, talk shit about me when she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about. did I make a journal about her afterward? no. because it was over. I block you, I don’t talk to you, and hopefully, my mind erases you. that’s when you’re supposed to get over it. but no, she says, “I figured that despite Reitanna being a complete and utter asswipe to me (read about that here: www.deviantart.com/xxmidnightm…) I wouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying her fanfictions, Muffins included, much less drawing fanart and submitting it to the group.” she could have said, “despite Reitanna and I having a falling out, I wouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying her fanfictions,” WITHOUT a link to a journal because the journal should not exist. I am only making this journal to stop her from fueling a fire that I thought was extinguished, but no, I’m apparently SUPER important to her, because she can’t let this go. she wastes her energy telling everyone in her comments that I’m this and that and that and this, when I should not even exist to her anymore. news flash, girly, I’M NOT THAT IMPORTANT. I’m a complete stranger to you, I’m nothing, I’m a fabrication to you.
this happens a lot. I block someone, nine times out of ten for a good reason, and they just can’t deal with it. they act like I punched them in the gut and stole their kidney. why do they care so much? they’ve never met me in person, they haven’t spent time with me, I’m not worth their energy. A pair of them went out of their way to make that ED page about me. that would’ve taken HOURS! HOURS spent on… ME?! what am I to you?! an idol? a GOD?! Jesus Christ, what fantastical version of me have you made up to think that I’M something so special?! if I were MJK, I could understand, but I’m not! I’m a nobody! if I’m your version of white Jesus, then you need a reality check. stop putting me on a pedestal that I have no right to be on. if I fucking block you, you did something wrong, even if you think you didn’t. I’m talking to you, CreepyMax123. and that friend you mentioned, the charlotte person I blocked “for some reason,” I don’t even recognize that screen name, but I can assure you, she did something to deserve it, and so did you. I just can’t remember what it was.
and your little conversation about how I “manipulate” people and accept apologies face-to-face or whatever? what the fuck? what the ACTUAL fuck? he says, “& that type of shit makes her go nuts. I mean criticism is a good thing to improve on certain subjects, but to her it’s more like we’re saying that it’s shit.” um… FUCKING DUH. have you been paying attention at ALL? but you fuckers wouldn’t know what real criticism is anyway. let me give you an example of someone who ACTUALLY gave me proper constructive criticism… for the first time in YEARS!
“Can I just suggest something, for the skirt, I think it should be a darker colour because I feel like it doesn’t typically match the setting for the character or even a pastel. I could send you a couple of colours that would work with the setting you’re trying to put. The cigarette as the tail could have been removed but you do what you’d like. The spine on the torso could use some work, it looks too simplistic but you tried and I don’t blame you. The sharp ‘teeth’ really do add a creepy vibe. I also love how you did the bear. You could also add some stuffing that’s coming out but yet this is your choice to take most or some of these suggestions, or even none if you feel fine with it.
You don’t have to listen to me at all and please, respond if you have anything to say about this and PLEASE don’t hesitate whether or not if I had said something or anything in general. I welcome anyone with open arms to say anything about this.”
Thank you and have a wonderful day! :)”
THAT’S how you do it! THAT is civil! THAT is kind! THAT is helpful!!! you can’t just tell me that my shit is shit and NOT expect me to get mad! all y’all who make a big deal out of me being unable to handle criticism need to get over it because even if it’s true, it might NOT be as true as I always thought. YOU people think criticism means insulting and downing someone. the person who wrote the comment above? NONE of that bothered me at ALL, and I even agreed with some of it. the parts I may not agree with were simply because it’s that way for a specific reason. that also gets me… when I tell someone it’s that way for a reason, and they act like I shot them in the leg. GET OVER IT. but I replied to this kind person and I thanked him/her for the first civil criticism I’ve received in a LONG time, YEARS. I got another one somewhere after that from someone else, and I thanked them as well. you don’t have to fucking agree with me, you don’t have to fucking see it my way to be NICE!
CreepyMax123 goes on to say, “That’s what she does, she makes us feel we’re the bad guy as she’s the good guy. We all have different views and opinions, but it seems like she wants everyone that follows her to have her views and such.” O RLY? I make the “bad guys” know they’re the “bad guys.” you’re just butthurt because YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! I don’t pretend to be the good-NEVER-bad guy! I just used this journal to analyze a conversation and prove that, YES, I too was a bad guy! again, WHY have you got it in your head that I’m perfect?! and “it seems like she wants everyone that follows her to have her views and such?” where the FUCK did you get that idea??? do you know how good it feels to discover when someone shares the same views? notice how I say “TO DISCOVER?” that means I don’t expect people to share my exact views! all I ever want is for people to be able to UNDERSTAND the situation! to see it from my point of view enough to be able to figure out the problem! I have NEVER expected people to share all my views. I guarantee there are some of you who don’t support the death penalty or think medicinal marijuana needs to be banned everywhere! stupid people don’t share my views on racism, sexism, and LGBT matters because those are non-negotiable. my views are no different than the rest of the intelligent people who realize we’re all equal. but you know, if you caught “Anna,” yeah, she wants everyone to see things our way, but Max, YOU DIDN’T CATCH “ANNA.” that comment and the following are bullshit, and you know it.
“What’s worse is that she doesn’t accept any apologies through online, she wants it face-to-face…Like as if I’m gonna drive across America to Idaho”
what. the. FUCK. what fantasy world do you live in? I have NEVER said that. in fact, just a few days ago, I received a message from someone apologizing for what they said to me in 2015, which resulted in whatever account they used to get blocked. I did not remember this person, of course, but he/she explained to me what happened, and guess what? did what YOU need to do and admitted they had been in the wrong. I could tell that they truly meant their apology, so I forgave them. that’s not just a one-time thing, either, there is NO evidence of me saying that I don’t accept apologies online and that I want it face-to-face. STOP. LYING. I’m not generous with forgiveness, meaning I don’t just blindly forgive people. I have to see that they mean it. I’ve said that it’s EASIER to tell when someone means it face-to-face, but I have NEVER said I NEEDED it. you call me manipulative, but you twist my words around to get people like Midnight on your side, as she responds with, “okay what the fuck I’m not sure how many brain cells I lost when reading that.” well, hunny, I question the number of brain cells you had in the first place to just accept that what he says is fact. I know you don’t know me that well, but DAMN, you know me enough to know that that doesn’t even sound like something I’d say. not even “Anna” would say that. with a statement as stupid as Max’s, that’s when you should’ve said, “well, wait, that doesn’t sound like her.” no, instead, you take this fictional person Max has created and think that she’s actually me. but you just kept adding to this fictional character, didn’t you?
“Kinda weird for you to be commenting now but okay.”
“But yeah she tends to post a lot of uncredited shit. I get the bases but when she traces screenshots from like anime or something, isn’t that illegal? Not to mention she gets all butthurt when people ask her to use her vectors and question her when she says no.”
T_T why. why? why are you making shit up when you know people can easily call you out on it? and did you totally miss my journal about fair use? HERE: www.deviantart.com/reitanna-se…
any “uncredited shit” is free to use without credit. it’s called PUBLIC DOMAIN, you nitwit. then you say I trace screenshots from anime or something? I am unaware of me doing this, as the few things I trace, I always say I traced it, and what from. how do you think people make bases that aren’t their original work? 99% of MLP bases are traced from screenshots of the show. I don’t leave links to certain things, either because I don’t remember where I got it because I’m an image hoarder, or I CAN’T because the source is NSFW. posting links to NSFW stuff on DA is AGAINST THE FUCKING RULES. and guess what? I even have pictures that I did trace as a teenager where, when I saw them recently, I actually edited the description and said, “I don’t know why I didn’t specify that this was traced.” regardless, I don’t trace very often, at least, unless it’s a base. that’s kind of the nature of bases, you know? but it’s not 100% traced because I have to fix certain proportions that the base creator messed up. other things? I FUCKING REFERENCE. that means you look at the picture and try to draw it on your own. so if you’re talking about me tracing Pinkamena recently, THAT’S HOW ALL OF THE MLP VECTORS ARE MADE.
oh, and “Not to mention she gets all butthurt when people ask her to use her vectors and question her when she says no?” NO SHIT SHERLOCK!! if someone asks you for permission, and you say no, the right thing to do is to say, “okay,” not pester you and ask why! no means no, and that’s that! are you saying that, if someone asks another for sex, and they say no, the one who asked should inquire WHY?! are you saying that, if a video game developer wants to use an asset from another game, and the developer of the other game says no, the first person should ask WHY?! I mean, come on, I can excuse you if you have speech and social development issues, but remember when I said, “sometimes you say the most asinine things?” YEAH. THIS. PRIME EXAMPLE. it’s STUPID!
ShysWorld, love you, but I actually didn’t understand your comment on the situation, so I sent you a PM. Her comment was not about me, I misunderstood due to use of pronouns. XD but the response from Midnight when Shy told her I marked her comments as spam…
“SPAM”? Are you fucking serious? If she considers that to be SPAM than she’s stupider and crazier than we thought. Fuck, I should’ve screenshotted the conversation.”
I’m crazy and stupid for marking your comment as spam. *sigh* I’m surprised I have to explain this one too. you see, on DA, you can’t report comments for abuse. you can report the user, but it’s easier on everyone if you simply bring the comments to DA’s attention, and THEY can decide if it’s worth taking action. the only way to do that is to mark it as spam. do you get it? I just… I just cannot get over you calling me stupid for something that is… not stupid or crazy at all. WHERE is your brain?!
LightningandDash, I actually don’t know who you are, but your comments don’t make me think you’re a fakie or anything. in fact, it was harmless until you said, “I don’t see why I should be forced to like more than just that however, that’s the vibe I get from her.” I’m sorry you get that vibe? I am actually really shocked that you said that. see, I don’t get where some people are getting their information. why would I force you to like stuff? fakies are the fans of Muffins who, not only just like Muffins, but don’t respect that I have other projects, don’t care that I have other interests, and tell me to stop working on said projects so that I can make more Muffins just for them. if there is a source you can find where I gave you the wrong impression, I’d be happy to review it and clear things up for you. I often tell fakies to try my other stuff, but I have NEVER attempted to force my other stuff on people. a suggestion is not the same as forcing. so again, I’m sorry you got such a distasteful vibe from me, and if there are any other things you have trouble understanding, again, please come to me if it bothers you so I can explain. all I ever ask is for people to understand and respect. honestly, Midnight is not helping in this situation and is probably making the vibe worse for you. I also should probably be ignoring this situation, but when someone is spreading MORE lies about me, I have a passionate desire to let everyone know the truth, and Midnight has taken this so far, I am… just… this needs to be done. Midnight says, “I knew she gets pissed over nothing but a block is a little unnecessary.” I get pissed over nothing? I’m sorry, but who was the one making a huge deal about lines in the hair of a cartoon character? XD and no, the block was not unnecessary. regardless if you share my same problems with speech and social development, it doesn’t change the fact that this was the last straw. unmedicated, I acted unfavorably, yes, but every other time, I’ve had my medication. you have it in your mind that you did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. I know what I did wrong. you NEVER think you did something wrong, and it bugs me. I blocked you because your behavior was bad for my health. if you have the same problems I do, you should understand that that is a completely reasonable reason to block someone. in fact…
a few years ago, I got a message from a fan, a private message, and at the time, I was going through a LOT of shit that I was venting about. that person flat out told me that, even though they usually like my stuff and don’t have anything really against me as a person, being a watcher of mine was messing with their own chemical imbalances, and that, FOR THEIR HEALTH, they had to stay away from my stuff for while. they apologized but said they had to block me so they don’t see my stuff. they were EXTREMELY civil, explained their situation perfectly, and even though I was off my meds and my feelings were hurt, I was able to tell this person that I was sorry for causing any harm, that I understood, and that I hoped they’d be able to keep themselves in a better place. I don’t know if that person ever returned to my stuff, but it doesn’t matter. if my content and my behavior at the time was affecting their health negatively, then they had EVERY right to quit me, and I have the utmost respect for the way that person handled it. I’m pretty surprised “Anna” was able to handle it so well too.
you think you’re innocent, but you’re not. can’t you at least recognize where you were at fault? maybe I DID misunderstand your tone, that was my fault, and I’m sorry if that is indeed the case. however, there’s no way in hell an intelligent person can’t see where they were wrong, and during the years of knowing you, I’ve got QUITE a lot to work with to measure your intelligence… I don’t remember how old you are now, but Jesus, I can’t count how many times I’ve had to sit back with my face in my hands, resisting the temptation to seriously ask you if you’re trolling me, or just plain stupid. Michael has caught me in some of these situations, and he is extremely intelligent, albeit sometimes unobservant, but he’s seen your comments in these instances and laughed at the idiocy. We’re both above average intelligence, we are not geniuses, we don’t think we’re smarter than everyone, but dammit, like anyone in our places and above, stupid seriously hurts. to define stupidity, it is lack of proper judgment, not the lack of knowledge. well, we know by now that common sense isn’t very common at all.
I could’ve forgiven you, admitted my wrongs straight to you, and apologized for my hand in the fight. you could’ve explained to me what you meant by the comments that I read in a rude tone. we could’ve had a discussion, or you could’ve just taken the block and pretend like you’ve never spoken to me before, and only know my fanfictions. but no, you continued making a big deal out of something, talked shit about me to others, insulted me, and worst of all, LIED to people about me. if you had truly wanted to be unblocked, you could have been the mature one to admit where you were wrong and apologize, in which I would do the same. instead, you sabotaged yourself and made sure that I’d never want to have anything to do with you again. you did something that “Annatier” would’ve done. and you know you lied, you AND Max. your past behavior is something I could’ve excused, but your recent behavior is absolutely inexcusable. for everything I’ve had to put up with from you, I never thought you’d sink this low, I never thought that you’d turn to straight and deliberate harassment. I could report you for this. I could also log out and read your little journal about me, which probably spreads more lies. I didn’t even want to spend this energy on you, I wanted to let my mind wipe you away. what else have you lied about? what lies have you told me that I could not catch? and you say you were recently diagnosed with short term memory loss. where this is entirely possible, I can’t help but find it ironic, and due to your dishonesty, I also can’t help but think you’re making it up to have an excuse. I don’t know for sure, maybe you ARE telling the truth about that. but if you’re not, let me just say that, as someone who ACTUALLY suffers from short term memory loss, it’s not fucking funny. it’s SCARY, alright? granted, it’s super convenient if I want to forget a small, parasitic memory and/or person, but it makes life SO much harder, I can’t even remember faces well and there are moments in time where it’s just… BLANK. it’s not fun, it’s not cool, I hate it, and it’s my fault. so if you’re faking, seriously? step off.
this is not what I wanted to wake up to today. I managed to have a nightmare-less sleep, and I woke up having won a fight. if I had stayed asleep, there’s a good chance it could’ve gone downhill, but I escaped, and I was going to work on my mod today, but now I’m filled with absolute disappointment and more bewilderment at how humans like this behave. I don’t know why I’m surprised anymore, but I am. as much harm as I did on my side, it doesn’t compare to the harm done by the other side in the aftermath.
note that all comments have been copy and pasted directly from their source. I specify this to let you know that none of the words have been tampered with, and no important details have been left out. you see, I’ve often had the feeling that people tamper with my own text to fit their narrative, and I have to make sure that I am not suspected of doing the same, since so many people don’t know what a code of honor is, or they don’t know the definition of honesty. it’s not like these comments CAN’T be found anyway unless she actually deletes the journal and deviation, and unless I deleted my deviation where the comments are hidden, which I’m not gonna do. also, note that I wish I could disable comments on this journal. I know there’s a lot of sheep bait in here. I’m not going to waste my time on further harassment or bullying, so if you’re in with Midnight’s Dishonesty Posse, you and I will not be conversing. if you’ve got nothing… CIVIL to say… don’t say it at all. (the saying calls for the word “nice,” but that might give the haters an excuse to say that I want everyone to like… compliment me or side with me or something. because I’m totally your leader in this cult. T_T)
guys… do me a favor… when I die, bury me face down. that way the world can kiss my fucking ass.
:::UPDATE:::
and just as a response to a more recent thing she said (that these are “pity paragraphs”), everyone who knows me knows I don’t like pity or sympathy. there is no reason to read these paragraphs and think it was pity. Midnight, if you’re such a “big fan,” you would never have said that. you wouldn’t be saying a lot of things you know are bullshit. learn what empathy means. apparently, she read my journal, but everything sailed over her head. I can’t handle more stupidity from her. she needs to GET OVER IT. I will NEVER unblock her, I will NEVER forgive her, and I will NEVER speak to her again. she is NOTHING to me but a… what she calls “fan.” Midnight, I caught you telling lies about me, and your “I’d be happy to talk this out” is fucking meaningless because you resorted to harassment AND you can’t admit your side of the fault. if you read my journal word for word, and you STILL don’t fucking get it, SERIOUSLY. YOU IDIOT. I am BAFFLED by your continued behavior. YOU posted shit about me after I blocked you. I was over it after I blocked you. and now I’m over this. YOU’RE PERMANENTLY BLOCKED. GET OVER IT. GOODBYE.
Sorry if the links don’t work, I’m a bit too lazy to fix them. When I discovered her second journal, I was seriously so angry, I wanted to cry, especially since some people in her comments believed her. Not to mention that she hasn’t learned anything and ABUSED this person who came forward. I won’t get into details about why they messaged me.
Midnight sarcastically referred to me as “our lord and savior.” Is this because she’s convinced herself that I think I’m some kind of godly figure? Or did SHE actually worship me? The latter seems more probable because… HELLO! WHY HASN’T SHE JUST LET THIS GO!?!? She claims to have “cut herself” after I blocked her. Why? Why is she so obsessed with me? I am not that important! Are you gonna come shoot me too? Huh, Mark David Chapman?
My informant told me, “I think the saddest part is that she probably won’t ever learn. Trying to teach her anything was like pulling teeth (and that’s saying a lot, coming from me), and she’s been sheltered her whole life. Her grandma coddles and spoils her, Her dad spoils her as well, and her new boyfriend is just as blind to her bullshit as I once was and always feeds her exactly what she wants to hear. It’s going to be pretty hard for her to progress in the real world when she surrounds herself in yesmen.” In one of Midnight’s replies to someone, I saw her say that she likes drama. It made me want to throw up, especially after hearing what she did to this other victim.
Who else has she done this too? Why does she enjoy spreading lies about people when we can easily prove her wrong? Why does she like to hurt people? Why can’t she just get over a couple of lines in a cartoon character’s hair?! Not only that, but many of my watchers messaged me privately back in 2018 and told me she had been PMing them to try and turn them against me. Pathetic. Really, the only people who are on their side are people who have never met me and don’t bother to fact check, and people I’ve blocked because they did something stupid. These people get all butthurt when I block them, and I’m like, “then maybe you should’ve checked your attitude at the door, huh?” THEY got themselves blocked, it was THEIR choice to say rude and/or insulting things. That’s why there’s a blocking function, you asswipes.
Honestly, it makes me wish I could track her down and beat the shit out of her. She’d be singing a different tune even if all I did was stand in front of her. I’d skip my meds, and maybe THEN she’d learn not to abuse and lie about people. I still cannot BELIEVE she isn’t over this. I hadn’t even thought of her until her other victim approached me. I want more people who have been abused by her to come out with their stories. People genuinely believe her, and that’s disturbing. It’s also disturbing that I have to be forced to spend MORE energy on her. She WANTS me to give her attention. She thinks this is a BATTLE, like one of us should win. No, it’s just her being a horrible human being and me making sure no one believes her to protect myself. All she had to do in the first place was LET IT GO.
If someone is spreading shit about me that concerns you, please come to me before believing it. Unlike the people who are spreading shit, I’m actually going to tell you the truth.
