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“Randy” in Parallel Universes

WARNING: Adult content.

I had a stream of different dreams last night, some nightmares that had me wake up in a cold sweat Will Graham style, and a few others that were… pleasant. I’ll try to keep this shorter, as I’ve got to leave at one o’clock for a dentist appointment; I had three teeth pulled last Tuesday, and this is the follow up.

The pleasant ones involve Randy, funnily enough. Remember how I said I hoped I never saw him again? Well, I did, but this time (we’re now speaking as if the dream/multiverse theory is 100% fact), I saw him in two different parallel universes.

The first one was a universe where I refused the offer to stay at my aunt and her wife’s house during the summer before senior year. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read this.) However, there was about a week long period where I didn’t call or text Randy at all, and it was because of a series of checkups with my doctor about my sleeping episodes and the goo I cough up. When I finally called Randy to meet me at the park, I gave him the TIGHTEST hug ever, though he showed some disdain, and he said, “I almost thought you forgot about me.” I told him that I felt guilty, that I should’ve called him, but next thing I knew it, it had been a week, but I definitely did not forget about him. By the way, because I wasn’t going to my aunt’s in this universe, that day in his room never happened. Still, it seemed to become more apparent to him that I was starting to like him back, and after hearing me tell him I had wanted to call him so badly, he was acting more confident. Not only that, but he almost seemed more mature, like how a controlled seventeen year old should be.

We walked around the park a bit, but I didn’t bring him into the forest; I was feeling selfish and didn’t want to distract him from me. He told me he stopped hanging around his old crew, he stopped doing drugs, drinking, tagging, and he hadn’t felt so calm in his entire life. “It’s like there’s nothing to be angry about,” he said. I noticed his hair was starting to grow out too. I said he should apologize to Max about how he treated him for so many years, but he confessed that he wasn’t ready to admit that wrong to him yet. “One step at a time, I guess,” I said. We walked and talked until it started to get dark, and then we hugged and parted ways.

I spent some time with my other friends for a couple of days, and then Steve called me, saying that there was a video game competition, and Randy wanted me to be on his team. It was a first person shooter we had played at his house, but I wasn’t very good at it. I said, “if Randy wants to win, he shouldn’t have me on his team.” Steve said that didn’t matter to him, he just wanted to do something special with me, and this warmed my heart. Of course, this still meant trying to win, so I spent a lot of time at their house practicing. I uh… still wasn’t too good. XD

I ended up seeing Randy’s room at some point, and unlike in the other universe, it was actually clean. There was no mirror that had been punched, probably having been discarded after Randy started to feel well enough to clean, the bed had sheets, wasn’t filthy, and there was no knife. Even the curtains were open. There were open spaces on the walls where I could tell posters had been torn down, and he had a neat stack of CD cases next to his stereo. When we were in there, his father told him to keep the door open, but he disobeyed, quietly shutting it and grinning at me. I felt nervous, but sneered flirtatiously, “are you expecting something to happen?” He sat me on the bed, sitting very close next to me, putting an arm around my waist and resting his forehead on my temple.

“I don’t expect anything, but I want it,” he said. I giggled, my heart pounding, and my teenage hormones were screaming at me. I still had some common sense, though, so all I did was gently touch his forearm, which was resting across his own lap. When I did, he placed that hand on my knee, nuzzled my temple with his nose, and admitted that he wanted to kiss me. I felt like Randy was the type of person to aggressively start a make out session, but that was the old Randy; this Randy was so under control, he no longer acted like a desperate boy, but a smooth man. I couldn’t help it. I turned my head and met his lips. It was brief, and he didn’t push it further, but his expression was the happiest I had ever seen on his face. We ended up lying on his bed and cuddling, though at some point he turned on some music, and that’s how I discovered we had similar tastes in that area. While we cuddled, we talked a little bit, but he kept caressing different parts of my body, though nothing too close to anything… important.

Steve ended up walking in, scolding Randy for disobeying their father and closing the door. Randy wasn’t even upset that he hadn’t knocked before entering, just shrugged it off and turned down his music to hear what his brother was saying. Steve noticed the lack of hostility, and that we both also were fully clothed, and he kept a friendly tone, even teasing Randy, saying, “were you making out with your girlfriend?” Randy calmly replied with a no, not even a blush, and I was so impressed, I never wanted to make out with him so badly. >_< (I guess I can’t keep this short, I have to go. Not that that matters to you, the reader… I’ll be back. o_O)

(Woo! No issues! I’m healing just fine!) Anyway, Steve convinced us to come out and practice with the video game again, so we did, joining him and Oliver. I mean… I was getting better… but my aim was off. It didn’t help that Randy and I kept flirting with each other. By the way, the game was some kind of US Military vs. Alien menace type thing, it took place on their planet, which was mostly purple and dark green, and I don’t exactly know the actual plot. Then their mother came home from work and decided to take us all out for dinner… she had a VAN now, so when we got to that blasted turn, she had us all get out and walk behind the vehicle until she cleared it. I remember crossing my fingers and saying, “please make it, please make it, please make it!” I kept expecting the van to topple over the cliff, but like I said in my last dream, she was an expert! She just didn’t want to risk killing all of us! And so, we got back into the van.

We were at like some… Italian restaurant or something, and the waiter was super rude for no reason. Then we ran into some religious nutcase that was so sexist against men, she started saying out loud that Randy’s mother and I would probably be tied in a basement and repeatedly raped if we associated with the four males for too long. Oliver was crying, and I could tell every single person in the family wanted to lash out at her, especially Randy, who was red in the face and clutching his fist. The family was too polite to shoot back, and Randy was trying to control his anger around me, but I was never one to not stand up for people I cared about. I stood right up, went to where her and her friend were sitting (which was within our view), and started chewing her out about how men and women were equal. I chose pretty colorful language, so she and everyone else within earshot were pretty appalled, parents covering their children’s ears, save for Oliver, because his parents were too shocked that I had the gall to do something like that. We didn’t get kicked out, but we got a strict warning, and the religious woman and her friend left.

After dinner, we took a walk around the town at night, Randy and I lagging behind everyone else, Oliver on Steve’s shoulders, the parents in the front. Randy told me that my standing up for guys was really awesome, and kind of sexy. I clutched his hand, leaning in close to him, and said, “sexy, huh?” I asked him if he thought I was sexy, and he laughed as if it were a stupid question, and he said, “you should know the answer to that by now.” I admitted in a whisper in his ear that I thought he was sexy too, and after that, our flirting became a little less PG, and I allowed his hands to have just a little more freedom when they wandered.

Before they drove back home, I said goodbye to them, and I told Randy I’d text him. I walked to my house… I still haven’t seen my parents in this universe! It was like… they were home, but I never actually saw them! I just went up to my room and thought about my now obvious boyfriend, even though neither of us actually said, “will you go out with me?” It was just something that didn’t need to be said. I wondered to myself how far I should let Randy go… I mean, I was seventeen (in this universe, I hadn’t lost my virginity yet), so it wasn’t like we were still kids. I also thought about our past, everything that Randy and his friends had done to me, and the drugging incident came to mind a few times. But I was changing him, just like Steve had said at the beginning of the summer. I couldn’t even remember the last time Randy had actually lost his temper, but then again, I didn’t see him as often as his family did, so I decided to shoot a text at Steve, asking him when the last time Randy blew up was. “Not since the school year when you and him weren’t talking.” I made a mental note to ask about that next time I saw them.

I didn’t go back to their house for a few days because I went to have a slumber party with my girl friends, which isn’t really the same thing as a bunch of tweens having a slumber party; we didn’t give each other makeovers or fight with pillows or talk about boys, no, we ate pizza, chips, ice cream, and watched a bunch of movies. I’m not as big of a horror junkie in this universe, so my tastes in films were more diverse. Even though I spent that time with them, I made sure not to neglect giving Randy attention this time, texting him whenever I had the chance. I remember one text that said, “our cat just threw up in Steve’s room. He was whining about it, and then I told him that all cats throw up, it’s normal. It’s normal, right?” I told him hairballs were normal, if the cat was throwing up food and junk frequently, there was something wrong. He confirmed that it was just a hairball.

I immediately went back to his house after a day to myself. I was drawing, apparently… of course I was a way better artist than I actually am… I don’t remember what it was though. Anyway, we were playing that video game as usual, but Randy started saying he was getting sort of bored, so he insisted he’d just watch us play. I soon learned that this was just an excuse to discreetly tease me while his brothers were distracted, and I tested to see how far he’d go if I didn’t protest. I didn’t stop him when he put his hands in between my legs, and this was obviously a triumph for him, so he didn’t stop… it was difficult for me to focus on my aim. T_T Eventually, I said I was bored too, and Randy and I casually mentioned we’d be in his room. Again, he closed the door, and I let him push me onto the bed, pin me to it, and kiss me as deeply as he wanted.

Both of his hands were busy playing with my hair, but I decided to pay him back with a firm grope through his pants. He broke the kiss and gave me a look that said, “I can’t believe you just did that.” I guess he didn’t expect me to be so forward, that maybe I’d ask first. But he didn’t ask, it was simply silent consent. I told him I couldn’t help it because he had turned me on, and he admitted that he’s fantasized about me for… pretty much the entire time he’s known me. His feisty happiness dampened when he brought up the drugging, and he said, “even though I already tried apologizing for that, I never stop guilting myself for it. I was such a selfish idiot, I was willing to become a criminal just so I could have you. I won’t ever expect you to forgive me.”

“And I won’t forgive you for that, but I can tell you’ve changed, so I think you’re trying to make up for all of those horrible things by creating new, better memories for us,” I replied. He said that he was in love with me, and he’d never hurt me again. He even said that he was considering going to a therapist to assist in his anger issues; even though he was in control at the moment, he didn’t want to risk an explosion. Ironic, huh? Because exactly that happened in the other universe. I said I was pretty sure I was in love with him too, and this was good enough for him at that moment, and we ended up getting pretty intimate. We didn’t have the opportunity to have sex because Steve rapped his knuckles hard on Randy’s door. He didn’t say anything, but it was enough to tell us that we needed to calm down and keep the door open. It wasn’t too much of a disappointment simply because we were happy just being together.

The video game competition toward the end of the summer turned out exactly as I expected: we lost. I mean, we didn’t lose too badly, we were in the top ten, but we didn’t make it to the finals. However, none of us were sore about it, not even Randy, because it had been loads of fun. We were sitting outside an ice cream parlor with cones in our hands, and Steve joked, “if you two hadn’t been making out so much, we would’ve won.” Randy said we only made out once, but Steve said, “really? Well your guys’ attention definitely wasn’t on the game, was it?” Oliver, being twelve, didn’t fully get what that meant, but Randy and I just laughed. When we were walking to his car to drive back to his house, he told us that, if we were going to try and fool around, we’d better do it when no one was home, like tomorrow around two. Nice hint there, Steven.

Long story short, the next day, their parents were out and Steve took Oliver to a movie. The teenagers left behind finally gave in to each other, and that was that. It certainly wasn’t the last time, either. Our relationship was… solid. There were no problems. I asked Randy what he got angry about the last time he blew up, and he said it was because he thought he fucked up when I first went to his house. He punched his mirror after we didn’t talk for a few days, wondering what he did wrong, and why he was so messed up, and then spent the rest of the school year in a deep depression. When summer started, and I came over the second time, he said he felt like the angry part of his soul had rushed out of his body in a single exhale. Still, he knew he wasn’t healthy, and he said, “if I want to continue being with you, I’m going to have to get help. I don’t want something to set me off and I end up hurting you.” He had become so sweet and thoughtful, and yet still retained his confidence and sassiness. It was like the old Randy had died.

The school year started, and Randy ended up refusing to hang out with John and Jose when they first approached him, saying that they no longer shared the same interests, and they were both flabbergasted to see him holding my hand… as was the rest of the students who knew us. I hadn’t told my friends about our relationship, and they hadn’t seen him for a whole three months, so they kept warning me about him. Max also said I was making a mistake, and I could see how hurt he was that I had chosen Randy out of all people over him. I tried to tell them all that he was better, but it didn’t help that being back at school brought back a lot of stresses for all of us. Randy was a bit short tempered again, and I was scared about him relapsing, but that very first weekend, he told his mother he wanted to see a psychiatrist, and they set up all sorts of appointments for therapy and all of that.

After that, he never even skipped an appointment, having to cancel a few dates with me to ensure he never missed one. The difference was incredible. He’d come to school acting more like he did during the summer, and he explained to me that he had anger issues due to some psychological problems, so he was on medication, and his therapist was teaching him things to do whenever he felt his temper rising. Everyone we knew at school was in disbelief when they noticed how calm and content he was, and he never picked on anyone, laughed from happiness and not from causing other people pain, and he was even keeping up with his school work, so his grades didn’t slip. He wasn’t void of negative emotion, of course, he still got angry, but now it was because of real things instead of little things, and he reacted at the level the situation needed to be reacted to. He was so much more mature, and I had no regrets.

That’s as far as I saw of that universe. Next, I found myself in a different one where I still had my old dog, Kona, and my old cat, Tiger, but we lived in the filthiest house… but I won’t go into that one, because the next pleasant one was another parallel universe with Randy, but this time, he didn’t have anger issues at all. He wasn’t friends with John or Jose, but was friends with Max, and in our freshman year, he only watched me every so often. It wasn’t until some kid was picking on me that Randy defended me, for he still developed a crush on me in this universe, and he ended up getting punched in the gut. That was all the damage that had been done because a teacher saw it, and took the kid to the principal’s office. I thanked Randy, and we introduced ourselves.

I only recognized him, as he was in one of my classes, Math I think, and I had said, “oh, you’re in one of my classes!” He said he saw me drawing a lot, and then dug into his backpack and pulled out two buttons with characters from some video game. “Do these interest you at all?” I said that they did, so he gave them to me, and that started our first conversation that led to a loose friendship.

In sophomore year (our friendship much tighter at this point), I had that sleeping attack that sent me to the hospital, and when I came back, he had a card and some balloons. He had said that his parents didn’t allow him to go see me in the hospital because they didn’t want him distracting the doctors, but I was still happy to receive the gifts. That year, he was in my English class instead of Geometry, and that bitchy teacher was harking on me for “faking sick” just so I didn’t have to do the work because I was stupid. Randy stood up, came over to me, and pulled my binder out of my backpack without asking. He held it up and said, “this thing is filled with so many notes, she has trouble closing it. She has to hold the extra papers together with a paperclip, which is getting weaker the more she adds. She’s never skipped assignments or tests before, so why would she now? I think I speak for all of us when I say you need to leave her alone and just do your job.”

The class vocalized their agreement very heartily, but she still gave both of us detention, even though I hadn’t spoken out of turn. Still, he didn’t regret standing up for me, just like any other time he’s stood up to a student, and he took pride in serving the detention.

That’s all I saw of that one, I didn’t see if we ever got together or anything. I also didn’t see too much of Max, just in some of my classes, but we didn’t converse much because Randy wasn’t too close to him after he became friends with me. I don’t think Max ever developed a crush on me, but he was definitely sturdy and able to fend for himself instead of the cowardly version of him in the other two universes.

I’m not sure why I saw these, especially in one night. I have never seen these other versions of Randy; it was always him from the first universe. It’s almost like my mind was making up for showing me that awful reality by taking me to others that showed me that, because of different circumstances, Randy was actually a good person in alternate realities. It’s comforting, actually, whether these are dreams or other universes, because it shows me that, if things had gone a certain way, Randy would’ve had the opportunities to get help. I assume the second one was a universe where Randy just wasn’t born with any mental problems. So… he was a good person overall, it was simply the paths he took that led him to different consequences, both good and bad.

Now, if the dream/multiverse theory is correct, where does my reality fall in this? I once had a dream where I was sent to a universe where both my parents never had problems, where I wasn’t a mistake, and everything was great… I was even pretty. I wonder if that’s in the same realities where I knew Randy, because in that one, I never went to California… then again, in the last dream, I knew Michael and ended up marrying him. If the theory is correct, does my universe have a “Randy?” If so, where is he? What kind of person is he? I knew a Randy in middle school, but for one, he looked nothing like this one, and for two, I’m not actually certain his name is Randy because I just know it starts with an R. Moreover, does this person even exist? Was he even born? I don’t remember anyone who looked like him in high school, but then again, in those universes, I attended a different high school…

Maybe (this is still if the theory is correct) those universes were ones where I never left Alpine. Those cliffs definitely look as though they could be in Alpine, and so does the scenery. I met Randy in high school, so maybe he never went to the same middle school I did, and I never attended high school in Alpine in my universe. What if, if this theory is correct, a version of Randy was at the high school I would’ve went to if I hadn’t moved away? I can imagine I’d move here some years later after what he did to me, so I would’ve met Michael, and Alpine is only forty-five minutes away. The only reason I moved out of Alpine was because my so called mother was a terrible person, and we had to mooch off my grandmother… who later adopted me because she and my aunt called the police on her after witnessing her abuse toward me, and custody was taken away from her. Then again, what would explain Sempai going to high school with me in those universes?

Well, Sempai does believe in fate, as do I, and she believes that we were meant to become friends no matter what life we’re living. She believes we’re “soul friends,” that reincarnation exists, and that we’ve been friends in past lives as well. What if this is all true? What if certain things led her to Alpine just because the forces were making sure we were together no matter what? It’s really crazy if you think deeply about it, and connecting certain events actually makes it make sense… I wouldn’t understand half of this if I had never seen Donnie Darko. XD

I am really supporting this theory now, but it’s nothing for me to dwell on, study, or try to prove. I just think it’s interesting and a good learning experience. If it’s real, awesome, maybe I can learn to control where I go. If it’s all bunk, cool, but my mind has a wilder imagination than I originally thought. You know, in this dream, I was able to enter a dimension where I could see and choose a universe to enter… what if that was real? That would mean that universes with magic exist, which would explain my powers and abilities in some. But if this is all real, I just have one question…

Where the fuck is the purple universe I went to when I was four?!? Everything was purple!! WHERE IS THAT UNIVERSE????!!! XD Aah, I’m glad I already forgot most of the nightmares I had last night. And my teeth are healthy, Mike is making spaghetti, we have ice cream, and my rats are rats. Today’s a pretty good day, I think. Foo, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that.

My Dreams Have Continuing Storylines

It’s fascinating, really, how the mind weaves dreams into either utter chaos, uncertainty, and randomness, or complex overarching tales that are revisited and progressed forward days, months, even years after they started. I can’t make sense of this phenomenon, and I’m not sure who can, but I’ve noticed it many times in my life, now having three instances where my dreams have continued a story. It’s like when I fall asleep in this reality, I wake up in a new one, going about my days normally.

However, my tasks in that other reality are anything but normal. I will explain the very first instance of continuing dreams. This storyline has been going since my childhood. When I was a kid, I wanted very badly to fly. This was my urge to escape the confines of her violent hands. I did not understand that humans could not fly, but when I fell asleep, that no longer mattered.

I began to learn to fly. Sometimes I had help, a teacher to tell me what I should and should not do. Other times, I had to practice by myself. It took many years to learn to fly in my dreams, but I eventually got the hang of it as a young adult. Sometimes I still struggle, but otherwise, I can fly freely. These dreams have shown me my own struggle with learning how to do this, and I have many times mentioned to dream people, “I am only learning how to fly right now.” In dreams after I learned, I have periodically said, “it took me years to learn how to fly.” It’s as if I was taking a journey in my mind while asleep, getting closer to my goal over the span of uncountable years.

The second storyline is one that started after I graduated high school. Now, everyone has school dreams, and they don’t stop after you finally are able to leave. However, in my school dreams, I am not my teenage self, but my present self. I have voluntarily gone back to high school for another four years to graduate for a second time.

I’ve had the normal struggles: finding my classes, accidentally losing my schedule, not remembering the code for my locker, trying to remember which periods I had breaks between, trying not to be late for school, and trying to remember which bus I had to take to get home. Not only that, but all of the students eventually get familiar with the fact that this twenty-something year old woman is working on her second high school graduation, as do the teachers.

I can leave at any time. I don’t have to be there, I’m not required to do any of the work, and I can miss as many days that I want… this just means I’d be giving up my goal of graduating a second time. Naturally, school is just as annoying as it always was, so there are days where I consider giving up and just not going anymore. However, something tells me to wake up to my cell’s alarm each weekday morning, do my makeup, and take the morning bus to school.

I hang out with friends, though my real self doesn’t know their names. I often have problems socializing with anyone I’m not close to, which, again, is normal. It’s difficult to find certain classes when the layout of the school changes every couple of dreams, or I look at my schedule and that classroom doesn’t exist. But I managed it, I graduated a second time to add to my GPA, getting a seven point something. Because, ya know, you can totally do that.

I thought I was done with it, wondering what I was going to do now with two high school diplomas. Well, apparently I decided that seven point something wasn’t high enough, so I am currently attending school for another four years. I don’t know why I decided to go back, I mean, it’s not like I miss it. Sure, there are a couple things I miss, but otherwise, school was hell. It’s a little easier this time around for some reason.

But then… just recently… this third storyline began. You know how I just said school had been hell? Well, now I have a job… in actual Hell. Yup. I am not sure if I died or not, but I first went to Hell a few months ago. I was confused, not remembering dying, and I was asking everyone else where I was. Apparently, all of these other people worked for the devil, who preferred to be called Mephistopheles. Because that name is so long, I’ll just call him Satan in this blog.

Now, I have to make this clear: I AM NOT SATANIC. I don’t believe in the devil. I’m non-religious, which means I don’t believe in even having a religion. But apparently God and Satan both exist in this second realm I live in. Maybe I did die. Heh, I was surprised by my death, not by where I ended up.

We all congregate at this huge mansion. It’s practically never ending. It’s always extremely dark outside, almost to the point where you can’t see unless you have a flashlight. Inside the mansion, it’s dimly lit by mostly neon bulbs, which is pretty cool. We all have to take turns with maintaining the house, having a white board that shows who does what chore for the day. Aside from that, we also have the actual jobs which we get paid for. I’m not sure what this currency is we use, but it’s just a bunch of dull yellow coins.

On like my second day there, a girl told me Satan wished to speak with me personally. Apparently this was rare, and it either meant something really good, or… torture. You can’t die again, but you can definitely feel pain. She didn’t know which it was, so I was terrified, and also excited. I mean, this was my boss, as well as the most important being in Hell. You don’t get fired if you lose your job, you get eternal damnation!

So I slowly made my way toward his office, having trouble walking like I always do in dreams, and ended up floating there instead. Floating is a bit harder to control than flying, and sometimes I go in directions I didn’t mean to go, but I got there. His office is large, cluttered, and… checkered. Seriously, the floor and the walls are black and white checkers. I sat in front of his desk, but he was turned away from me. As soon as I sat, he spun around, and my heart jumped into my throat, partly because of him being my very scary and evil boss, but also because he was extraordinarily attractive; I had never seen him prior to this meeting.

To my surprise, he was smiling kindly at me. He told me how he picks his employees, and that’s by reaching into people’s minds and finding their inner evil. He only chooses the most demented and ruthless people to work directly under him. (As a side note, I’m super badass in the dream realm, and I don’t hold back my urges. I worked for the Yakuza, but got fired because I was too ruthless, and other than that, I’ve killed a lot of people just from anger.) Everyone already knows how he chooses them, and they take great pride in it, but I told him I was confused as to why he was telling me this personally.

“Because I’m looking for a protégé,” he told me. “Someone who is nearly as evil as I am, you know, to train, to have someone to take over in emergencies.” He explained that he was very impressed with my lack of empathy, as well as my willingness to torture and kill. He said I was the most unmerciful person he’s seen in Hell since… well, he said some serial killer’s name, but I can’t remember who exactly it was. He was choosing me to be his protégé.

I was scared. “What if I’m not very good?” I asked him. “What if I fail you?” He told me I wouldn’t… how he was so sure, I had no idea, but this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up for something as trivial as fear. I’m in Hell, I wouldn’t last five minutes if I didn’t let go of my fears. Besides… he was sexy. Can’t argue with a man that has a face and body like that. He’s no goat-man, trust me.

I mainly fly everywhere because walking is tedious, but sometimes I’m reduced to walking when in the mansion. I’m not gonna lie, I always refuse to do the chores by saying, “oh, I forgot to look at the schedule,” so someone else has to do them. There are two girls I don’t get along with, one really skinny and pretty Latina, and a very large and muscular girl whose ethnicity I can’t quite figure out. They always push me around, and they’ve sent Satan complaints about me not doing my chores. He’s never spoken to me about this, so I assume he doesn’t give a shit. He treats me kind of special.

The work we have to do involves going to the “real world.” So, it’s the dream realm’s version of this realm. It’s more like this realm, but you can tell things are sort of different. There are never any stars out at night, civilization is more progressed, and daylight isn’t excruciating. Sometimes we have to go up, invisible to the living eye, and manipulate the environment. We have to cause minor to major accidents, whisper in people’s ears to get them to do something, or tweak the weather. I remember one day I was working with two guys that I was on good terms with, and we were at a skate park. One guy was causing the skaters to fall off of their boards, while me and the other guy were making up fake news reports on the radio they had. It was hilarious.

Satan is able to communicate with us telepathically, and we all have been given different powers to aid us. For example, we can teleport and move very quickly. Teleportation took me some time to get used to, but I get more one-on-one time with Satan than everyone else does. After getting used to the basics of the job, he gave me a special assignment that is usually for the higher-ups. I had to crash a high speed train that travelled on tracks above a city instead of on the ground. It was at night, so it was hard to see, and I had to track the train down myself. There was a lot of teleporting involved, but I finally managed to catch up with it, short circuit the wires that powered it, and caused it to fall off of the tracks.

I noticed a lot of jealousy after returning to the mansion and collecting my payment at the career kiosk. Some asked me why I, a rookie, was allowed to derail a train. I told them, “that’s what Satan asked me to do, so I did it.” I was supported by very few, for I don’t have many friends there, but Satan praised me immensely. I’m rather disliked because of all of the time I get to spend with him, like he considers me a friend instead of just a student.

Other jobs to be done are to kill living people when it’s their time to die, and drag them to Hell if they’re not sucked up into the sky by God. I had to visit Heaven once to speak with God, and all of the angels glared at me. It’s not like I wanted to be there. Sempai had been permitted to visit me in Hell, but she accidentally stayed too long, so God locked her away in his prison. Satan told me to go up and plead with him, tell him it wasn’t her fault, so I did. I wasn’t supposed to fly around him because it was rude in Heaven, so I had to awkwardly walk into his chamber, nearly slipping on the tile. Long story short, God agreed to free my best friend. Why she was dead, I will never know.

Sometimes I do feel like more than a student, and not just because of my special privileges. Satan has me keep him company for most days, telling me funny stories, making fun of his other employees, and just hanging out. He’s really chill when he’s in a good mood. Now, this is what’s going to sound weird, but it’s just how things are done in this business. There’s a select few with whom he’s formed romantic relationships with, and I was shocked when I was no longer an exception. Yeah, it’s normal, and considered an extreme honor. Basically, if you’re sleeping with the devil, you’re the shit. I didn’t really have a choice, but I didn’t try to refuse either. Dream Mike (who is also dead) said it was okay, and he actually said, “you better get in the big guy’s pants!” This version of dream Mike is different than the bad dream Mike, who is very much alive, but I’m trying to kill. If I kill him, I’m hoping he won’t show up in my dreams anymore. He’s the meanest, most selfish, and abusive douchebag you can imagine.

Anyway, I’m considered very important, and Satan remains my only true friend because everyone thinks it’s unfair that he plays favorites with me. It doesn’t bother me much. As long as I stay on Satan’s good side, no one can touch me. However, last night I made him really mad, and he almost dropped me completely.

So, I’ve become pretty selfish with him, and I don’t want to share him in any sense of the word. But besides me, he’s got like two other girls and one guy, and I always get really jealous when they’re around. Still, I seem to be the favorite, even though the two chicks are way hotter than me. I guess Satan prefers the mind more than the body. I started to get possessive, and even began beating the shit out of the guy, as well as insulting the girls. Well, this annoyed Satan, and there is no in between content and angry, it’s either one or the other.

First, he starts giving me the silent treatment, throwing me into an empty dimension so I couldn’t find him. He wouldn’t talk to me, and it was upsetting. This dimension looked like an every day suburban house, complete with bedrooms that belonged to children. However, no one lived there. I started to try and plead with him, telling him I was sorry for being a leech, and that it wouldn’t happen again. I thought he had forgiven me when he made a hamster appear in the house for me to play with and love.

I spent a few hours with the hamster, but I don’t remember the name I gave him, and Satan eventually showed up in the house. I went to hug him, but he pushed me back so violently, I fell onto the floor. Then, in front of my eyes, he ate the hamster I had bonded with. I cried, apologizing over and over again, pleading for forgiveness. He knelt down next to me and pet my head.

“I do this because I care about you,” he said. “What you did hurt me, and you needed to be taught a lesson. If this happens again, you’ll never see me again, and the rest of your days will be nothing but agony and misery. Do you understand?” All of this was said so gently and kindly, but it still scared me. I told him I’d never do it again, so he brought me back. I guess he wanted to test my loyalty after all of that, so he made me engage in a sort of orgy with him and the other three. Just to make him happy, I didn’t put all of my focus on him, and started making out with one of the girls.

For my act of… uh… participation, I guess? He rewarded me by bringing Rem and Ezio back to life. I cried again, but from happiness, and I hugged him. I don’t think he really wants to hurt me, but he’s the law, so he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. He really is much more caring toward me on a regular basis. Hopefully I can avoid pissing him off again. It may sound crazy, but I like being his student/friend/mistress (?). I guess. Whatever I am to him. He gives me attention that I like, that’s it.

And it’s not like these storylines are all separate, no. I’ve learned to fly, and go to school, and work as Satan’s protégé in Hell. And of course, on the side are my other dreams, the ones that seem to have no rhyme or reason. I always know, though, I always know about the things I do, and even talk about them. In fact, half the time, I’m actually lucid. When I had that meeting with God, I told him, “sorry, sir, I have trouble walking in my dreams because my real body is laying down.” Night before last, I had a nightmare where I was screaming, “Michael! Wake me up! Hurry, wake me up!” but it didn’t reach my vocal chords, so I didn’t scream out loud like I usually do.

Sometimes I can call on Satan for help in nightmares, and he takes me back to the mansion to escape. It’s rare, and I’m not sure why he can’t save me every time. It’s kind of frustrating when he doesn’t respond to my calls. Part of me assumes he’s busy, and then the lucid part says, “fuck, maybe he doesn’t exist in this dream.” I wish I had more control.

When I tried to kill bad dream Mike a couple nights ago, the pistol I tried to use had no bullets, and the only weapons I could find were ice picks, pins, and small screw drivers. He seems to be much fatter than real Mike, so when I stabbed him in the belly, it just sank into the fat. He sneered, “you can’t kill me.” I tried to find a knife, but I couldn’t find one anywhere. I’m afraid he might be controlling the environment in the dreams he appears in, making it so I can’t kill him. Maybe this truly means that, if I kill him, he won’t bother me anymore. He really causes me stress, but it’s nice to wake up to the real Mike and remember how he truly is. I need to find a way to arm myself before falling asleep. Problem is… I can’t control my lucidity.

Are dreams just dreams, or are they something more? Are we really going to a different realm and living a second, immensely different life? How is it that my mind has given me this second life that’s just as dynamic as living a real one, just… unrealistic? Well, one thing I know for sure is…

I’m REALLY badass in the dream realm. XD

“Back to School” Dreams

Man, there have been a lot of dream posts lately! Well, honestly, aside from being accused of being a Weeaboo, that’s the only interesting thing going on in my life! (About the Weeaboo thing, by definition, I’m not even an Otaku. I like a very small and select group of anime, haven’t read manga since I was in high school, and have studied Japanese language and culture because HALF OF MY FAMILY IS JAPANESE. As for music and movies, all Asian media interests me, and not because they’re Asian, it’s because certain bands/artists really click with me, and most Asian horror movies are the SHIT! But just like in America, and all other countries, Asia has music, movies, cartoons, books, et cetera that just don’t appeal to me. It’s not being obsessed with the culture, it’s about enjoying the product. Japan clicks mostly with me because I spent a lot of time with the Japanese part of my family, so yeah. Word to the wise, don’t accuse someone of being something unless you know them.)

Now that my mini rant is done, let’s get back to bweezness. (Name that reference!) For a few years, I’ve had the strangest dreams about being in high school. “But Reitanna, that’s totes normal!” No, I’m not just talking about general school dreams, which practically everyone has all the time, including me, I mean dreams where I decide to go back to high school for another four years AT MY CURRENT AGE.

At the time I am writing this blog, I am twenty-four. I will be twenty-five in November. So here I am, in my dream, willingly going back to my old high school, enrolling in classes, and planning to go the full four years to graduate a second time. (I graduated in 2009, by the way.) This would somehow add my new GPA to my old one, so in all, I would potentially have a 6.0 to 7.0 GPA after my second graduation. Not only that, but the staff and teachers know how old I am, and that this is my second time around. I can pull off looking like a sixteen year old, so students would assume I was just your typical Sophomore or Junior. Nope… twenty-four year old Freshman…………………. o_o

As far as I know, going to high school for a second time is not possible, nor is adding to your previous GPA, because isn’t 4.0 the highest you can get? It’s been so long since I’ve been in school, I forget. So why am I having these dreams? It can’t be that I miss going to school, I hated high school. I didn’t have trouble as a student, no, I have always loved learning. Sure, I hated certain classes and struggled in a few of them like any teenager would, but in the end, my GPA was around 3.4, I don’t remember the exact number. After graduation, I was DONE. I wasn’t going to Grad Night, I wasn’t going to the Senior picnic, and I will NEVER go to my high school reunion. I hated a majority of the students, I wasn’t too fond of a few of the teachers (especially the one that hated Latinos for some reason), and I hated that the principal cared more about our sports program than our arts and music programs. Seriously, when it gets to a point where orchestra and choir have to fund themselves, there’s a problem.

If two football players got in a physical fight, the teachers would just laugh and say, “now come on boys, no fighting.” But if any “outcast” got in a fight, they’d be suspended! It was like a corrupt government! Not to mention, since I wasn’t on medication, I had many panic attacks. I remember a time when I was having one, and I couldn’t stop crying. I wasn’t being violent toward anyone, not even myself, and the dear old principal was shouting at me to calm down or he’d call the police. This was after my gothic phase! So I wasn’t even scary looking! How can you seriously expect a Bipolar child to just stop having a panic attack when, A, she did nothing wrong, B, she wasn’t hurting anyone, C, you’re shouting at her, and D, you threaten to call the police? You can’t call the police on a teenager that has literally done absolutely NO HARM! One that’s never done drugs, never gotten in a physical fight, doesn’t have a history of suspension or expulsion on her permanent record, and does well in school! There was absolutely no reason for their hostility, they should’ve tried getting one of the councilors to calm me down enough for me to tell them what triggered the panic attack. Maybe then, they’d realize it wasn’t me who caused a problem, but the girl who threatened to KILL ME. Yeah, fuck you Principal I-Forget-Your-Name. You were old in 2009, I hope you’ve died by now.

I enjoyed choir though, even if Mrs. Grey was a bit harsh with me, but that was because she became pretty unpleasant after her mother passed away. She was much kinder to me my Senior year when she came to terms with it, and you know what, she was an excellent choir teacher. (Fun fact! Mrs. Grey was also Adam Lambert’s high school choir teacher a couple years before she transferred to the school I went to! When he was on American Idol, she would NOT stop talking about him. XD)

I also enjoyed Photography, which I took my Senior year. Wednesdays and Thursdays were known as “Tutorial days.” This was where you only had periods 1, 3, and 5 on Wednesday, and periods 2, 4, and 6 on Thursday. For normal days, we started at 7:30 and got out at 2:30, but on Tutorial days, we got out at 2:10. YAY SHORT DAY, right? Nope, long day. Each of our three periods were two hours long, and after 2:10, you had twenty minutes of your own personal study/work time, busses still came at 2:30. Mondays were short days, also known as “Staff Development” days. Classes would start at 8:00, be much shorter, and we’d get out at 2:30. Those were nice. Er… where was I going with this? OH YEAH! So, I had Photo on Thursdays, and those two hours of that class were my favorite out of the whole week. I could stay in there all day if I had been allowed to. So, of course, there were parts of high school I did like, but I’d never want to experience it again, especially not for another four years.

I have a couple of theories. One is that I feel bad that I’ve forgotten all of the subject matter I excelled at. I could tell you all of the classes I was top student in, but could I tell you what I learned using technical terms and all that? No, and this is partly because of my suicide attempt in the summer of 2009, and partly because time has simply passed with no practice in any of those particular subjects. I also took French, which I wasn’t fond of, but I could have a conversation. Now, however, I can only tell you that I can’t speak French, I speak cheese, and that I am a grapefruit. T_T Maybe the dreams are trying to fill the part of me that was dedicated to learning, but as an adult with a job, I don’t have time to learn something new that would take more than a day at the most. The most recent things I’ve learned about were Corona Mass Ejections, Strange Matter, how fireworks make specific shapes, and buried penises. (Because science!) Maybe I miss studying, completing assignments, being given a good grade for my work… maybe I miss reading books, which I used to love, but don’t have time for anymore. Maybe I miss forcing myself to get pretty and dress cutely every day. Maybe I miss having somewhere to go every day…

Or maybe… and note that I am not an egocentric person, but I do have fantasies about overpowering common people, making them abide by laws I’ve set, you know, dictator stuff that I’d realistically never be able to do. Maybe if I had that power, I would have an ego, but years of being bullied by peers, and abused my family members have killed any self worth I had, and I didn’t have much to begin with. Maybe if I were the oldest student in high school, one that’s already graduated once, I’d feel like I had a small amount of power because of my age. I felt that way when I was the only Senior taking health class, which was full of Freshman. Some of them looked up to me because I was older, dressed interestingly, and had the highest grade in the class… (I ended with a 120%, so I didn’t even have to take the final exam.) Some feared me because they realized they couldn’t pull any of their dumb Freshman tricks on me that would fool their fellow fourteen year old. I always felt so confident in that class, something I rarely felt, because I had seniority. Maybe, since I’ve spent most of my life lacking confidence, the dreams are trying to let me experience confidence and power by having had accomplished something none of the other students had, and by going for it a second time.

Those are the only reasons I can come up with for having these unrealistic dreams… I mean, dreams are usually unrealistic, but this one has occurred extremely often since I graduated from beauty school. Heh, when in beauty school, I was learning from books, taking tests, putting theory into practice… so I think my first theory may be the correct one. Whenever I think about all of the things I had learned being forgotten, and my lack of studying in my current life, I feel genuinely sad, unfulfilled, and… dumb. I am not actually stupid, though forgetful, but if I can’t even tell you how to use a simple Punnett square, something I used to be able to do with my eyes closed, I feel dumb! I can’t tell you most of the scientific names of animal groups I studied in Zoology, nor can I figure out the half-life of radioactive atoms! I can’t even tell you how F-Stops work! At least I can tell you why Pluto isn’t a planet… *Sarcastically twirls finger.*

I guess you lose part of yourself when you discover that you, a previously well educated person, have become uneducated. It hurts, because I don’t want to be just another uneducated American slob! At least I have street smarts, but I’ve always considered book smarts to be just as important. I mean, I used to read ahead in science books to chapters we hadn’t even gotten to yet. Now… all I can tell you is what an atom is composed of, but not how Ions form… I feel lost. That’s what I think the dreams are telling me, that I miss learning. God, what a downer.