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My Dreams Have Continuing Storylines

It’s fascinating, really, how the mind weaves dreams into either utter chaos, uncertainty, and randomness, or complex overarching tales that are revisited and progressed forward days, months, even years after they started. I can’t make sense of this phenomenon, and I’m not sure who can, but I’ve noticed it many times in my life, now having three instances where my dreams have continued a story. It’s like when I fall asleep in this reality, I wake up in a new one, going about my days normally.

However, my tasks in that other reality are anything but normal. I will explain the very first instance of continuing dreams. This storyline has been going since my childhood. When I was a kid, I wanted very badly to fly. This was my urge to escape the confines of her violent hands. I did not understand that humans could not fly, but when I fell asleep, that no longer mattered.

I began to learn to fly. Sometimes I had help, a teacher to tell me what I should and should not do. Other times, I had to practice by myself. It took many years to learn to fly in my dreams, but I eventually got the hang of it as a young adult. Sometimes I still struggle, but otherwise, I can fly freely. These dreams have shown me my own struggle with learning how to do this, and I have many times mentioned to dream people, “I am only learning how to fly right now.” In dreams after I learned, I have periodically said, “it took me years to learn how to fly.” It’s as if I was taking a journey in my mind while asleep, getting closer to my goal over the span of uncountable years.

The second storyline is one that started after I graduated high school. Now, everyone has school dreams, and they don’t stop after you finally are able to leave. However, in my school dreams, I am not my teenage self, but my present self. I have voluntarily gone back to high school for another four years to graduate for a second time.

I’ve had the normal struggles: finding my classes, accidentally losing my schedule, not remembering the code for my locker, trying to remember which periods I had breaks between, trying not to be late for school, and trying to remember which bus I had to take to get home. Not only that, but all of the students eventually get familiar with the fact that this twenty-something year old woman is working on her second high school graduation, as do the teachers.

I can leave at any time. I don’t have to be there, I’m not required to do any of the work, and I can miss as many days that I want… this just means I’d be giving up my goal of graduating a second time. Naturally, school is just as annoying as it always was, so there are days where I consider giving up and just not going anymore. However, something tells me to wake up to my cell’s alarm each weekday morning, do my makeup, and take the morning bus to school.

I hang out with friends, though my real self doesn’t know their names. I often have problems socializing with anyone I’m not close to, which, again, is normal. It’s difficult to find certain classes when the layout of the school changes every couple of dreams, or I look at my schedule and that classroom doesn’t exist. But I managed it, I graduated a second time to add to my GPA, getting a seven point something. Because, ya know, you can totally do that.

I thought I was done with it, wondering what I was going to do now with two high school diplomas. Well, apparently I decided that seven point something wasn’t high enough, so I am currently attending school for another four years. I don’t know why I decided to go back, I mean, it’s not like I miss it. Sure, there are a couple things I miss, but otherwise, school was hell. It’s a little easier this time around for some reason.

But then… just recently… this third storyline began. You know how I just said school had been hell? Well, now I have a job… in actual Hell. Yup. I am not sure if I died or not, but I first went to Hell a few months ago. I was confused, not remembering dying, and I was asking everyone else where I was. Apparently, all of these other people worked for the devil, who preferred to be called Mephistopheles. Because that name is so long, I’ll just call him Satan in this blog.

Now, I have to make this clear: I AM NOT SATANIC. I don’t believe in the devil. I’m non-religious, which means I don’t believe in even having a religion. But apparently God and Satan both exist in this second realm I live in. Maybe I did die. Heh, I was surprised by my death, not by where I ended up.

We all congregate at this huge mansion. It’s practically never ending. It’s always extremely dark outside, almost to the point where you can’t see unless you have a flashlight. Inside the mansion, it’s dimly lit by mostly neon bulbs, which is pretty cool. We all have to take turns with maintaining the house, having a white board that shows who does what chore for the day. Aside from that, we also have the actual jobs which we get paid for. I’m not sure what this currency is we use, but it’s just a bunch of dull yellow coins.

On like my second day there, a girl told me Satan wished to speak with me personally. Apparently this was rare, and it either meant something really good, or… torture. You can’t die again, but you can definitely feel pain. She didn’t know which it was, so I was terrified, and also excited. I mean, this was my boss, as well as the most important being in Hell. You don’t get fired if you lose your job, you get eternal damnation!

So I slowly made my way toward his office, having trouble walking like I always do in dreams, and ended up floating there instead. Floating is a bit harder to control than flying, and sometimes I go in directions I didn’t mean to go, but I got there. His office is large, cluttered, and… checkered. Seriously, the floor and the walls are black and white checkers. I sat in front of his desk, but he was turned away from me. As soon as I sat, he spun around, and my heart jumped into my throat, partly because of him being my very scary and evil boss, but also because he was extraordinarily attractive; I had never seen him prior to this meeting.

To my surprise, he was smiling kindly at me. He told me how he picks his employees, and that’s by reaching into people’s minds and finding their inner evil. He only chooses the most demented and ruthless people to work directly under him. (As a side note, I’m super badass in the dream realm, and I don’t hold back my urges. I worked for the Yakuza, but got fired because I was too ruthless, and other than that, I’ve killed a lot of people just from anger.) Everyone already knows how he chooses them, and they take great pride in it, but I told him I was confused as to why he was telling me this personally.

“Because I’m looking for a protégé,” he told me. “Someone who is nearly as evil as I am, you know, to train, to have someone to take over in emergencies.” He explained that he was very impressed with my lack of empathy, as well as my willingness to torture and kill. He said I was the most unmerciful person he’s seen in Hell since… well, he said some serial killer’s name, but I can’t remember who exactly it was. He was choosing me to be his protégé.

I was scared. “What if I’m not very good?” I asked him. “What if I fail you?” He told me I wouldn’t… how he was so sure, I had no idea, but this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up for something as trivial as fear. I’m in Hell, I wouldn’t last five minutes if I didn’t let go of my fears. Besides… he was sexy. Can’t argue with a man that has a face and body like that. He’s no goat-man, trust me.

I mainly fly everywhere because walking is tedious, but sometimes I’m reduced to walking when in the mansion. I’m not gonna lie, I always refuse to do the chores by saying, “oh, I forgot to look at the schedule,” so someone else has to do them. There are two girls I don’t get along with, one really skinny and pretty Latina, and a very large and muscular girl whose ethnicity I can’t quite figure out. They always push me around, and they’ve sent Satan complaints about me not doing my chores. He’s never spoken to me about this, so I assume he doesn’t give a shit. He treats me kind of special.

The work we have to do involves going to the “real world.” So, it’s the dream realm’s version of this realm. It’s more like this realm, but you can tell things are sort of different. There are never any stars out at night, civilization is more progressed, and daylight isn’t excruciating. Sometimes we have to go up, invisible to the living eye, and manipulate the environment. We have to cause minor to major accidents, whisper in people’s ears to get them to do something, or tweak the weather. I remember one day I was working with two guys that I was on good terms with, and we were at a skate park. One guy was causing the skaters to fall off of their boards, while me and the other guy were making up fake news reports on the radio they had. It was hilarious.

Satan is able to communicate with us telepathically, and we all have been given different powers to aid us. For example, we can teleport and move very quickly. Teleportation took me some time to get used to, but I get more one-on-one time with Satan than everyone else does. After getting used to the basics of the job, he gave me a special assignment that is usually for the higher-ups. I had to crash a high speed train that travelled on tracks above a city instead of on the ground. It was at night, so it was hard to see, and I had to track the train down myself. There was a lot of teleporting involved, but I finally managed to catch up with it, short circuit the wires that powered it, and caused it to fall off of the tracks.

I noticed a lot of jealousy after returning to the mansion and collecting my payment at the career kiosk. Some asked me why I, a rookie, was allowed to derail a train. I told them, “that’s what Satan asked me to do, so I did it.” I was supported by very few, for I don’t have many friends there, but Satan praised me immensely. I’m rather disliked because of all of the time I get to spend with him, like he considers me a friend instead of just a student.

Other jobs to be done are to kill living people when it’s their time to die, and drag them to Hell if they’re not sucked up into the sky by God. I had to visit Heaven once to speak with God, and all of the angels glared at me. It’s not like I wanted to be there. Sempai had been permitted to visit me in Hell, but she accidentally stayed too long, so God locked her away in his prison. Satan told me to go up and plead with him, tell him it wasn’t her fault, so I did. I wasn’t supposed to fly around him because it was rude in Heaven, so I had to awkwardly walk into his chamber, nearly slipping on the tile. Long story short, God agreed to free my best friend. Why she was dead, I will never know.

Sometimes I do feel like more than a student, and not just because of my special privileges. Satan has me keep him company for most days, telling me funny stories, making fun of his other employees, and just hanging out. He’s really chill when he’s in a good mood. Now, this is what’s going to sound weird, but it’s just how things are done in this business. There’s a select few with whom he’s formed romantic relationships with, and I was shocked when I was no longer an exception. Yeah, it’s normal, and considered an extreme honor. Basically, if you’re sleeping with the devil, you’re the shit. I didn’t really have a choice, but I didn’t try to refuse either. Dream Mike (who is also dead) said it was okay, and he actually said, “you better get in the big guy’s pants!” This version of dream Mike is different than the bad dream Mike, who is very much alive, but I’m trying to kill. If I kill him, I’m hoping he won’t show up in my dreams anymore. He’s the meanest, most selfish, and abusive douchebag you can imagine.

Anyway, I’m considered very important, and Satan remains my only true friend because everyone thinks it’s unfair that he plays favorites with me. It doesn’t bother me much. As long as I stay on Satan’s good side, no one can touch me. However, last night I made him really mad, and he almost dropped me completely.

So, I’ve become pretty selfish with him, and I don’t want to share him in any sense of the word. But besides me, he’s got like two other girls and one guy, and I always get really jealous when they’re around. Still, I seem to be the favorite, even though the two chicks are way hotter than me. I guess Satan prefers the mind more than the body. I started to get possessive, and even began beating the shit out of the guy, as well as insulting the girls. Well, this annoyed Satan, and there is no in between content and angry, it’s either one or the other.

First, he starts giving me the silent treatment, throwing me into an empty dimension so I couldn’t find him. He wouldn’t talk to me, and it was upsetting. This dimension looked like an every day suburban house, complete with bedrooms that belonged to children. However, no one lived there. I started to try and plead with him, telling him I was sorry for being a leech, and that it wouldn’t happen again. I thought he had forgiven me when he made a hamster appear in the house for me to play with and love.

I spent a few hours with the hamster, but I don’t remember the name I gave him, and Satan eventually showed up in the house. I went to hug him, but he pushed me back so violently, I fell onto the floor. Then, in front of my eyes, he ate the hamster I had bonded with. I cried, apologizing over and over again, pleading for forgiveness. He knelt down next to me and pet my head.

“I do this because I care about you,” he said. “What you did hurt me, and you needed to be taught a lesson. If this happens again, you’ll never see me again, and the rest of your days will be nothing but agony and misery. Do you understand?” All of this was said so gently and kindly, but it still scared me. I told him I’d never do it again, so he brought me back. I guess he wanted to test my loyalty after all of that, so he made me engage in a sort of orgy with him and the other three. Just to make him happy, I didn’t put all of my focus on him, and started making out with one of the girls.

For my act of… uh… participation, I guess? He rewarded me by bringing Rem and Ezio back to life. I cried again, but from happiness, and I hugged him. I don’t think he really wants to hurt me, but he’s the law, so he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. He really is much more caring toward me on a regular basis. Hopefully I can avoid pissing him off again. It may sound crazy, but I like being his student/friend/mistress (?). I guess. Whatever I am to him. He gives me attention that I like, that’s it.

And it’s not like these storylines are all separate, no. I’ve learned to fly, and go to school, and work as Satan’s protégé in Hell. And of course, on the side are my other dreams, the ones that seem to have no rhyme or reason. I always know, though, I always know about the things I do, and even talk about them. In fact, half the time, I’m actually lucid. When I had that meeting with God, I told him, “sorry, sir, I have trouble walking in my dreams because my real body is laying down.” Night before last, I had a nightmare where I was screaming, “Michael! Wake me up! Hurry, wake me up!” but it didn’t reach my vocal chords, so I didn’t scream out loud like I usually do.

Sometimes I can call on Satan for help in nightmares, and he takes me back to the mansion to escape. It’s rare, and I’m not sure why he can’t save me every time. It’s kind of frustrating when he doesn’t respond to my calls. Part of me assumes he’s busy, and then the lucid part says, “fuck, maybe he doesn’t exist in this dream.” I wish I had more control.

When I tried to kill bad dream Mike a couple nights ago, the pistol I tried to use had no bullets, and the only weapons I could find were ice picks, pins, and small screw drivers. He seems to be much fatter than real Mike, so when I stabbed him in the belly, it just sank into the fat. He sneered, “you can’t kill me.” I tried to find a knife, but I couldn’t find one anywhere. I’m afraid he might be controlling the environment in the dreams he appears in, making it so I can’t kill him. Maybe this truly means that, if I kill him, he won’t bother me anymore. He really causes me stress, but it’s nice to wake up to the real Mike and remember how he truly is. I need to find a way to arm myself before falling asleep. Problem is… I can’t control my lucidity.

Are dreams just dreams, or are they something more? Are we really going to a different realm and living a second, immensely different life? How is it that my mind has given me this second life that’s just as dynamic as living a real one, just… unrealistic? Well, one thing I know for sure is…

I’m REALLY badass in the dream realm. XD

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Sad Satan

First, before I get started, note that I will NOT be providing a link to the “real” game in this post. I will explain why “real” is in quotations and why I won’t give the link, so if you are curious about reading about the game, carry on. If you’re looking for a download, it’s not here.

So, while perusing YouTube, I came across a “Top 15 Most Disturbing Sites on the Deep Web” video. Now, I’ve been to the Deep Web, and actually explored as much as I could while avoiding drug and porn sites. As a horror/gore enthusiast, I was looking for something very specific, and after a few months, I stopped going on because I never found it. And they say you can find anything on the Deep Web…

Torbook is the Deep Web version of Facebook, and even though I don’t like Facebook, I enjoyed taking a different persona using this site. Thankfully, CP was specifically banned from this site. (CP is “Child Pornography,” or known to some as “Cheese Pizza.”) I didn’t have much to worry about when it came to images on that specific site. I also will not reveal who I was there because… well, that’d be foolish. I expect my “friends” there probably wonder where I disappeared to, but I lost interest in the Deep Web because I could not find what I was looking for. AND NO, you will not be arrested by BROWSING the Deep Web, that is just something people say. There are things you can do there to get you arrested, like drug dealing, distributing and buying CP, hacking, hiring hitmen, et cetera, but as a pretty avid law abider, I of course was not interested in anything illegal. Believe it or not, you can safely browse the Deep Web! You just gotta know your way around, and the Hidden Wiki helps with all of that. I was surprised at how honest and kind the people were compared to the Surface Web… you’d think an entire community of sleaze bags would be way worse than the usual people you get on this 4% of the internet…

ANYWAY, when I heard about this “game” that supposedly came from the Deep Web, a place I haven’t gone to for months, I was curious, so I looked up videos on YouTube. The video set I came to was uploaded by Obscure Horror Corner, and honestly, it wasn’t really like what the stories said. If you are unfamiliar with the story, the game is supposed to have many disturbing images, but all this footage had was gameplay that was halfway between LSD: Dream Emulator and SCP-087-B, a couple of random images that were not disturbing in any way, and strange audio. There wasn’t even any threat to your character. Confused, I did some digging.

Apparently, from what I’ve gathered, OHC created that “game” himself, claiming that someone sent it to him from the Deep Web. However, the .onion link was not a real link. But then someone on 4Chan provides a link to the “real” game, claiming to be the person who sent the game to OHC in the first place. Of course, people downloaded it like crazy. However, it was only similar to OHC’s videos, but had distinct differences.

The gameplay and audio is pretty much the same, and there are a couple of images that appear that are from OHC’s videos. Then there are the images that gave the game its creepy backstory. There are a bunch of gore pictures and one, count ’em, one CP image. But the biggest thing that is in the game……….. is a very vicious botnet virus. This virus is pretty sneaky; it can get passed both VMs and virus scanners, and does really heavy damage to your computer, to the point where you’d have to do a system reboot, and that’s not fun! Hope you didn’t have any important files!

There are eleven images; one “game over” screen, a screen that says “you won,” four gore pictures, one CP picture, and four seemingly pointless pictures that were found in OHC’s “original.” So this malicious version of the game is known as the “clone” of Sad Satan, and OHC later said that he purposefully provided a fake link because he did not want to distribute the game with the CP and gore in it. Many have speculated that this is all bunk.

Now, I am absolutely desensitized to anything that doesn’t involve animal abuse or rape/molestation. I actually get pretty irked if there’s even a consensual sex scene in the movies I watch, but that’s just because I personally don’t want to see other people having sex. Anything that’s bloody or disgusting, I can handle no problem. So I tracked down an uncensored video of someone playing the game (obviously not on YouTube because it violates the Terms of Service), and I was able to see most of the “horrific” images. I am glad to say that the uploader had the decency to blur the one CP picture, as I was quite afraid of seeing that one, but I wanted to find out if these gore pictures were really as bad as people said they were.

Well, for me, no, they were not. Most of them are just decapitations and/or severed limbs, and the one of someone’s head being crushed by a truck tire was too pixelated to even get a proper idea of what you were seeing. I’ve spent quite a lot of time on gore sites like BestGore, and these pictures were nothing. Then again, I’ve never seen anything on BestGore that disturbed me, but then again again, I avoid all sections of that site that involve animals or sex. Murders, suicides, accidents, all that stuff, no problems.

It’s fully possible that these images in the clone game are of real deaths, which is tragic. I’m not saying that it’s no big deal that people died, I’m saying that it just doesn’t disturb me like it does other people. I watched “3 Guys 1 Hammer,” and the only thing on my mind was, “that poor guy didn’t deserve to die.” Unlike many people’s reactions, I did not cry, I did not cringe, I did not vomit, the actual violence did not affect me, but even though I felt sorry for the victim, the death did not surprise me. I’m not afraid of death, and I’m not shocked when I read a story about people getting killed. There are filthy people out there committing these crimes, and I’m just so used to the fact that people are evil. This lack of sensitivity isn’t a bad thing, but it’s not exactly a good thing either.

There is a “clean” version of Sad Satan out there. A user on reddit took the clone and replaced the disturbing images with appropriate ones, and when you do that, the game itself is nothing special. It’s actually extremely boring. Then again, I found the clone boring anyway once I saw what all the fuss was about. If you want to go into depth about this game, here is a link to the reddit page: Sad Satan Reddit

Note that you will NOT find a download link to the original clone there either. You don’t want to! I myself didn’t even look for it because I wasn’t interested in attempting it. I have a very nice gaming computer with a lot of art and projects on it, and I am NOT risking some virus killing it. Plus, my boyfriend (who builds computers and built mine) would not be happy with me. Seriously, it doesn’t matter if you’re desensitized like me, do not go looking for the download, it’s not worth it.

A couple of things need to be said here. Many people are not familiar with laws concerning these types of things, especially in the US. You will not go to jail for viewing gore, real or fake. Now, if you have a connection to the killer of the victims in the photos, or if you are the killer, you might run into a wee little problem… sarcasm on the “wee” part. Also, technically you would not go to jail for simply stumbling across a few CP images. Let’s face it, even on Google, if you have safe search turned off, you might run into something that makes you go, “oh shit, did not need to see that!” Chances are, that image will soon be reported and taken down anyway. On the Deep Web, you are able to view CP, but I assume you have to pay for it on bigger sites. This is what can get you jail time. You get in trouble for “producing, distributing, disseminating, importing, exporting, offering, selling or possessing” CP according to the law. In the United States, this does not apply to art depicting fictional underage characters, but some countries do prohibit that as well. So sure, if you go looking for it (which I don’t know why you would), you’ll get in trouble. But no one can penalize you for accidentally seeing a picture of CP. However, if you do stumble across one, you might want to contact authorities immediately. Thanks to SomeOrdinaryGamers, authorities in the US and Canada are aware of Sad Satan’s existence, but in reality, that won’t keep it off the internet.

Just as a side note on Cheese Pizza, I cannot understand how anyone could be sexually attracted to a child. You know, skirts are getting shorter, and little ten year old girls are showing their legs, but this doesn’t turn me on like a woman in her twenties wearing a short skirt would. Why? Because kids just… don’t have it! They don’t have sexy parts! Little girls don’t have breasts, hips, a developed figure, and little boys are sort of… awkward to say the least. Guys just aren’t sexy until they GET THERE, you know what I mean? Why would you want a little boy instead of a MAN? Yes, I’ve seen children that are cute, children that are beautiful, and children that make me think, “that kid is gonna be pretty good looking when they’re older, if they’re lucky.” Appreciating another human’s beauty is not a problem, but there’s a difference between “beautiful” and “sexy.” Sorry, but children cannot be sexy, and pedophiles are absolutely disgusting in every way. *Sigh* I felt like I had to get that off my chest.

Another thing is, there is a huge misconception concerning horror junkies like me. Many people believe that horror/gore lovers are psychotic, sick, violent, and murderers-in-the-making. This is not true. Yes, I’m technically insane and need medication, but I’ve always kept my “murdering” and violence to fiction. Actually, by definition, I’m most likely a borderline Sociopath, or maybe a full blown Sociopath, I don’t know, I’m not a psychiatrist. But a majority of horror junkies are far from dangerous. To quote the song “Vicarious” by Tool, “I need to watch things die from a good safe distance. Vicariously I live while the whole world dies. You all feel the same so why can’t we just admit it?” MJK makes a very good point throughout this entire song. We love scary things, we love to see blood and guts, we often do not fear the concept of death, and even the real stuff doesn’t phase us, but when it comes down to it, we’re still just watching from a distance, out of harm’s way. When it’s fictional, we explore it, we smile about it, we thrive on it, and it gets us excited (not sexually in most cases… I hope…) And when it’s real, it doesn’t shock us, but it sure as hell doesn’t make us say, “oh thats a gewd idea! I’ma go kill me a fella!” Sure, you’re going to get someone that’s just unstable enough to do that sort of thing, but please don’t lump us innocent ones in with the people who actually take lives. We’re definitely not the same.

So, no, it does not make someone “sick” if they enjoy gore, or if the sight of a dead body doesn’t affect them. The ones who are sick are the ones actually giving us the gore, and that’s what makes being desensitized a bad thing. (I also am weirded out by people who get sexually aroused by it.) The good side of it is, seeing that stuff won’t damage our psyche. Some people who see horror and gore have nightmares, or are constantly bothered by it for days, weeks, maybe even months. Some people who witness murders go to therapy afterward because the image haunts them. But if you still think desensitized people are sick, think about people who deal with death and real gore as a profession. They have to be mentally prepared to work in the many fields that deal with that sort of thing. In reality, people who are desensitized and healthy are helping society because they are able to pursue those types of careers. If I wasn’t Manic Depressive, I’d be able to work in one of those fields no problem… well, and if I were good at math. XD

As for Sad Satan, what is it really? Well, it seems it was first something OHC created to boost his channel popularity, and then it was taken by some sicko for no reason but to cause harm in as many people as possible by using different methods at once. Hell, for all we know, OHC and the creator of the clone could be the same person! But the fact of the matter is, the clone targets people in a variety of ways. Even if you’re not sensitive to gore, and even if you can chase the image of that one CP picture out of your head, you’re still left with a FUCKING VIRUS. The clone was not made as a form of art or a tribute to the original “gameplay,” it was an all out attack. It’s actually not fair, they could’ve made a pretty cool indie game if they toned down the images and left out the virus. But I guess some people get off on negative popularity…

I’m still glad the CP picture was blurred in that uncensored video. Shit like that really does disgust me.

Sad Satan ORIGINAL video by Obscure Horror Corner:

SomeOrdinaryGamers Plays the clone:

“Clean” version:

I won’t post the uncensored video, if you’re really that curious, you can find it yourself.