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I Just Need to Vent Again

This is less about people reading it, and more me just trying to empty the bottle a bit. These are times when I wish that I lived in the Harry Potter universe. I would be a witch that attends Hogwarts, and I’d have access to the Room of Requirement. I’d make it a room filled with breakable objects just so I could get out my frustrations physically. I’ve never been able to do that, and I really need to have a huge violent fit right now in order to completely empty the bottle… venting just doesn’t cut it most of the time.

Of course, we live in a world where we can’t just be violent without consequence, which is upsetting. Humans are naturally violent creatures, and we need to… excuse this reference… purge in order to get rid of it. I finally saw the movie The Purge, and it did not live up to my expectations. But what if, man? What if we had an annual purge? Let’s make a few changes though. Instead of annually, this purge could happen whenever the fuck people want to physically let out their rage. How would this work?

Well, the way I’m seeing it, this purge wouldn’t be “all crime is legal.” In fact, laws would and should stay the same. I’m thinking more like… having a facility with different types of rooms for different things. You’d need to pay to enter the facility, maybe like ten dollars, I think that’s fair. There’d be rooms where you could just break stuff, there’d be rooms that only one person can enter at a time to destroy stuff with different kinds of weapons, and there’d be rooms where people could enter to consent to actually fighting each other. A controlled environment where the only injuries are your fault because you chose to engage.

If we had that kind of outlet, crime could possibly lessen, but I’m not saying it would stop all together. This “purging” would be for, you know, regular people who get stressed and want to JUST FUCKING BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOMETHING OR SOMEONE. This would lessen anyone taking their frustration out on others, both verbally and physically. But, just like I say when I wish I ruled the world, unrealistic dreams are unrealistic.

So, what’s grinding Reitanna’s gears today? Fucking… fuckity… FUCK… FUCKING TEENAGERS, man! Okay, I’ll admit, when I was a stupid teenager, I was guilty at doing this too, but now I know how stupid and irritating it is! When some fucking kid sicks their friends on you. Especially for no reason! Like, say someone deliberately insults me. Well, I’m a fucking Scorpio, I don’t take that shit sitting down! I’m a lover and a fighter, and I believe people should not just get away with doing something wrong, they need to experience the consequence. So, naturally, I defend myself. Depending on the insult, I could respond with annoyance, frustration, anger, or rage.

Say this person doesn’t like one of my “Muffins” stories. Okay, cool, no problem, everyone has their own opinions. However, because they dislike it, they have the audacity to say it’s BAD WRITING. Excuse me, but I am far from a bad writer, and that’s not my opinion. I have an extremely high reading and writing level, to the point where I’ve out-shown everyone in all of my classes involving reading and writing since second grade. When I was in second grade, my teacher actually forbade me from reading books that were a second grade level because I read them too easily. She forced me to pick from the fourth grade books, which were still not much of a challenge, though much more entertaining than the second grade books.

By eight grade, I was at an eleventh grade reading/writing level. Then, by Sophomore year, I was at a college reading/writing level. My Sophomore English teacher sat me down one day to talk about my essays. She said, “I noticed something about your essay writing. When you try to follow the thesis/commentary/commentary/conclusion format, you don’t seem to write at your full potential. The best essays I’ve seen from you are ones where you didn’t follow the standard format. From now on, I want you to just write. Don’t bother with the format, just go.” That was some of the best advice I had ever received from a teacher.

Junior year came around, and at the end of the year was the Junior Paper. This was a huge essay that counted for most of your grade. Well, me, being in Choir, was going to be in Washington DC while everyone else was working on all three of their drafts and the final essay. My grandmother bought me a second-hand laptop so I could attempt to work on it, but we hardly spent any time in our hotel rooms. We mostly attended workshops, practiced, went sight seeing, following all of the events that our teacher had planned for us. Then, of course, there was the competition itself, which had multiple stages. We killed it, by the way.

So, what did this mean for me? I got back home at about midnight on a Sunday. I usually went to bed around nine (I’ve set my own curfew since I was ten). Guess what? THE ENTIRE JUNIOR PAPER WAS DUE THE VERY NEXT DAY. I had to write an eight page essay in one night, very exhausted, and very jet lagged. But oh man, did I write that sucker. I stayed up until three in the morning writing the essay from scratch, no drafts, no notes, NOTHING. The required length was eight pages, and I honestly don’t remember if I exceeded it or not. Monday came, and I had been the only one in the class who had flushed out their entire essay in one night with no preparation, and no guidance from the teacher.

B+ mother fuckers. B FUCKING PLUS. If I had had the time that everyone else got, that would’ve been an A+, but a B+ for something like that was good enough for me. I was shocked, but astounded, and it was then that I truly realized what having a high reading/writing level meant. I had never really appreciated it much until that day. Naturally, for my Senior Project the next year, I wrote two stories; “Quiet Heartbeat” and “Untitled.” Of course, you never stop learning, so I’ve come a long way since then, but the judges still gave me near-perfect scores. I say “near-perfect” because one bitch made a note about how I wasn’t dressed professionally. I’m sorry, but I was wearing a black and white sawtooth blazer with a matching skirt that fell just above my knees. Even my grandmother said I looked professional, and the other judges didn’t seem to have a problem with it!

Anyway, I’m twenty-five now. I may still be learning and improving my skills, but that does not make me a bad writer in any sense. However, apparently if someone doesn’t like something, it means it’s bad. Oh wah, cry my a river, build me a boat, and take me on a vacation to Whinersville. Let me give two examples from real people that shows what a rational person does when they dislike something.

I hate Star Wars. With a passion. Always have, always will, no matter how many times I’ve tried to get into it. I can’t. I can’t stand it so much, I hate when people talk about it. HOWEVER… does this mean the movies are bad? Some fans would have their comments about how certain films were disappointing, but in general, are the films bad because I dislike them? No, I don’t think they’re bad at all, quite the contrary. I think they’re stupid, but that’s an opinion. The fact is is that the Star Wars franchise is incredibly successful, and for good reason. I’m certain that the movies have broken multiple world records. They are great films, I can’t deny that, I just don’t like them. I can hate them all I want, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are excellent.

My boyfriend, Michael, loves Star Wars, but HAAAAAAATES Harry Potter, which I love. All the same, just like me, he cannot actually knock the films, because they are not bad films. He cannot knock the books, because they are extremely well written. Same with music. He hates Lady Gaga’s music, but he can’t deny that she’s talented and that her music is good. He just doesn’t like it, and that’s his opinion. He is fair to the creations, even though he wants nothing to do with them. Sensible people do this. Now, it’s different when something actually is bad, like Sonic Boom.

Oh, that brings me to a third example I just thought of! This one is sort of reverse, and has to do with the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. Unlike many people, I enjoyed Shadow the Hedgehog. It is known as one of the worst Sonic games, but I enjoyed it. However, I can see why many people dislike it, or even hate it. There are too many elements that, rightfully, make it a bad Sonic game. All the same, I really enjoyed playing it. I love Shadow (not as much as Knuckles, though), I liked being able to choose to be good or evil, I enjoyed using weapons even though it was so unlike a Sonic game to do such a thing, and the entire game itself was challenging. I tried getting all of the endings, but there was one I couldn’t get because I couldn’t fucking find this one thing to complete this one level… Still.

I assume that’s how fans of Sonic Boom feel, as few as they are. Hopefully they can see why it’s a bad game. But let’s face it, no matter how bad Shadow the Hedgehog was, it’s nowhere near as bad as Sonic Boom. You know, the same goes for Silent Hill 4: The Room. That is hands down my favorite Silent Hill game, but is often shot down by other Silent Hill fans. Even though it’s my favorite game, I can still see why some people don’t like it.

Another possible example is The Last Airbender. I loved the cartoon, so I was excited about the movie. The pronunciations of the names had me cringe each time they were said, and I have a great deal of complaints about other main aspects of the film. However, I was able to see the good in it, even though it’s small. People often say the entire movie sucked. Well, that’s not really true. This is a very small matter, but the graphics were pretty good. There were other tiny things that made it pretty entertaining. I wouldn’t voluntarily watch it again, but if someone else wanted to watch it with me, I’d be able to tolerate it. It’s just a matter of seeing things from different views.

Now, this person said my story was “bad writing” because he/she did not understand how the bakers act in the story, specifically mentally torturing others, not the actual act of physical violence. Long story short, he/she could not actually comprehend how someone could be so cruel, as if he/she was unaware of the reality of just how cruel real people are. Because of their cruelty, he/she said they dislike that particular story. No big deal, that’s fine, no problem. But he/she outright said it was “bad writing.” Um, no, it’s not, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. It’s realistic, it captures the mentality of a Sociopath, it shows how a “normal” mind reacts to such torment.

I can easily write this for multiple reasons; I have a criminal mind, I understand the basics of Psychology (maybe a little more), and I’ve done enough research on countless criminals to fully understand how it all works. It also helps that I realized at a young age how evil people are. My eyes have long been open to the reality of our world. Putting all of this together, it is actually very impressive writing.

So, just because you don’t understand how Psychology works, you deem it “bad writing?” That’s like me saying, “Psycho-Pass is a bad Anime because I have a hard time remembering their names.” (For the record, Psycho-Pass is an excellent Anime, and that’s saying something coming from me since I’m not a huge Anime person.) JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, DOESN’T MAKE IT BAD. Actually, it means either you have a warped perspective of the world, or…….. yer dumb. That’s just it. Your opinion isn’t law, it doesn’t change all of the things that make it good.

I could’ve been fine with the lack of understanding, because I can explain that. I could’ve been fine with “I dislike this story,” that doesn’t bug me. But to flat out call it bad writing is just… selfish! Especially after he/she said, “I like the series, I just don’t like this story.” So, you’re a fan, but you called me a bad writer? Doesn’t that contradict itself? You, sir or madam, do not make sense to me. Ooh! I don’t understand you, so does that make you a bad person? By your logic, it does! T_T In reality, no, it doesn’t.

BUT THEN some little punk comes in and says to me, “someone’s a little butthurt.” Wow, someone give a trophy to this huge dick, he just tore me from my V to my A. “Butthurt” and “insulted” are two different things. The thing is, I didn’t even rage at the person calling me a bad writer, I gave them a fair amount of anger that was reasonable, enough to show them that they blatantly disrespected another human being for absolutely no rational explanation. But oh, here comes Mr. Raging Testosterone to tell me I’m “butthurt.” I wonder if maybe he just needed to be burped.

Now, I don’t actually know if he/she sent that person on me, or if they even know each other, but it reminded me of what youngins do, and what I, regrettably, also used to do. Someone starts being a big meanie, so let’s send all our little friends to flame them. Like… it’s embarrassing to know that I WAS LIKE THAT!! I just gotta keep reminding myself, “I was a stupid teenager.” Teenagers think some of the most ridiculous things are important, but they’re not! They think that their petty problems matter, but they don’t! “I’m so hardcore because I have an army of friends waiting to fight my battles, the ones I started because I decided to make this person angry!” Man, I hope you grow out of it just like I did, it’s so pathetic. Teenagers… are… pathetic! That’s all there is to it!

Now, note that a lot of my fans are teenagers, but you know what? They know they’re in THE PHASE. They know what’s going on with their minds and bodies, and they know that things feel like a BIG DEAL when they’re actually not. They understand that they will grow passed that once their body hits full maturity at age twenty. Makes me wonder why eighteen is the legal age… That’s still stupid teenage time. Though, I have to say I started to wise up at nineteen because I was thrown into the real world with no preparations for it. Man, was that a smack in the face.

And if Mr. Raging Testosterone was not a friend of sir or madam, then he was just a random kid who saw the conversation, went, “ooh! I’ma gonna stert a flam warz!” As if I was going to tolerate that shit. But it still irks me. It’s none of your business, kid! You don’t even know what we’re talking about. Why were you even on my channel? Do you just randomly go to channels to start fights? Better be careful, Hot Rod, you might overwork your tiny brain. I think I can already smell it smoking.

And now here’s angry gibberish.

lrksejtrljetoju9o4t6wurhjinklfdklndklgjnmfdkxzknf;zkljnf;lkhngklnsdegrs;mnklgaze’nkG DE’nkGA;nkGA;nk;hnkrhsznknkrhsznklhfrrhszzrhnkrhznklgzrdnkFUCK.

There.

Alright, I think I got some of it out. You can tip the bottle to try and empty it, but there’s always some residue. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with so many idiots in the career I chose. It sucks when you feel like the only intelligent person left. That’s alright, I just turn to Michael or Sempai, who are also very intelligent, so they are my reminder that there are some of us left. We’re a dying breed because the stupid ones can’t keep it in their pants.

I need to get back to work now. I’m not gonna proofread this post since it was just venting, so I apologize for any typos. I type faster than I think sometimes. XD

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Current Qualifications for Being Emo

The word “emo” popped up in juvenile labels at some point, and has become very misconstrued over the years. Basically, it took fashion styles from gothic, punk, grunge, skater, and rave, mixed them all together, and vomited them into the face of society. On top of that, they made the act of self mutilation “cool,” as well as being miserable. The word itself comes from the word “emotional.”

However, it’s been eaten and thrown back up so many times, we’re unsure of what it even is anymore! This makes low life kids, tweens, and teens call anyone who is anyone “emo,” almost as if it’s become a fad to call people “emo.” Of course, those of us in the real world know that fads and labels are a waste of time.

But in case you’re wondering, or if you’re afraid of being accused of being “emo,” I’m going to tell you the things that currently qualify you as “emo.”

First off, your hair must be one (or a mix) of the following colors:

  • Black
  • Blonde
  • Brown
  • Blue
  • Pink
  • Purple
  • Green
  • Orange
  • Yellow
  • Red
  • White
  • Silver

Next, your hair must be styled in one (or a mix) of the following fashions:

  • Side swept fringe
  • Straight across fringe
  • No fringe
  • Pixie
  • Bob
  • Ringlets
  • Wavy
  • Short
  • Medium
  • Long
  • Shaved
  • Bald

When it comes to clothing, you must be very careful. If you don’t want to be called “emo,” avoid wearing any of the following colors in any shade:

  • Black
  • White
  • Grey
  • Pink
  • Blue
  • Purple
  • Green
  • Red
  • Yellow
  • Orange

BROWN IS THE SAFE COLOR! As for patterns, avoid any of the following:

  • Stripes
  • Polka dots
  • Checkers
  • Argyle
  • Animal print
  • Sawtooth
  • Paint splatters
  • Flowers
  • Spikey stuff
  • Plaid
  • Just lines
  • Solid

In order to be “emo,” your clothes must be any of these:

  • Long sleeved
  • Short sleeved
  • Spaghetti strap
  • Sleeveless
  • Cut off
  • Corsets
  • Dresses, any length
  • Skirts, any length
  • Shorts, any length
  • Pants
  • Any kind of belts

Shoes must consist of:

  • Boots
  • High heels
  • Wedges
  • Sneakers
  • Canvas shoes
  • Sandals
  • Those weird like… roman type shoes…
  • Uggs
  • Crocks
  • Flats
  • Swimming flippers
  • Those traditional Japanese wooden sandals
  • Slippers

For socks or leggings in any color, styles must include:

  • Stripes
  • Polka dots
  • Rainbow
  • Argyle
  • Animal print
  • Sawtooth
  • Checkers
  • Plaid
  • Patterns with licensed cartoons from any genre
  • Solid
  • Fishnet
  • Lace
  • Any sort of cool patterns knitted into the fabric and stuff
  • Solid color
  • Tights
  • Thigh high
  • Above knee
  • Knee high
  • Ankle
  • Below ankle

In fashion alone, if you don’t want to look emo, you must avoid any of the following:

  • Studs
  • Chains
  • Lace
  • Pleated fabric
  • Layers in clothing
  • That kind of fabric found under poodle skirts
  • Denim
  • Fleece
  • Silk
  • Velvet
  • Suede
  • Leather
  • Pleather
  • Vinyl
  • Collars
  • Chokers
  • Jewelry
  • Tattoos
  • Laces
  • Buttons
  • Frogs
  • Clasps
  • Velcro
  • Rips or tears
  • Hair gel
  • No hair gel
  • Nails painted any color

Also, if you have been professionally diagnosed with ANY mental disability, you’re fucked for life. Though you have to take medication to keep your brain from making you hurt yourself or someone else, and no matter how much therapy you are required by the state to take, no matter how difficult your life has become due to your disorders, YOU ARE “EMO.” Suicidal thoughts, self harm, any sort of anger or sadness of varying levels, and even happiness can tag you. And god forbid, if you have homicidal thoughts, you’re just so super “emo.”

Music is a big one too. If you’re into any of these genres, you’re “emo:”

  • Rock
  • Metal
  • Soft rock
  • Pop
  • Classical
  • Musicals
  • Electronic music under its various sub genres
  • Industrial
  • Punk
  • Grunge
  • Choral music
  • Industrial jungle pussy punk
  • Ambiance and/or binaural beats

Also avoid movies or TV shows from these genres:

  • Horror and all sub genres
  • Drama
  • Romantic
  • Historical
  • Documentaries of any kind
  • Comedy
  • Thriller
  • Mystery
  • Anything animated

So, in conclusion, in order to NOT be “emo,” you must either be plain and boring, or a hip gangsta wannabe. Also note that AGE DOES NOT MATTER!! If you’re an adult who has discarded labels back in high school, and you just dress however you want as long as it’s cute, if you shop at Forever21, Hot Topic, JCPenny… or anywhere else for that matter, you are NOT safe from the “emo” tag! Even if you looooove colors, or even if your job requires you to only wear black. What’s wrong with you? Why are you not a hip gangsta wannabe?

Also beware of art. If you are an artist, or even like ANY type of art, you’re soooooooooo super “emo.” Video games also fuck you. Sideways!

Even though labels don’t exist in the real world, you’ll still be tagged by little kids, tweens, and teenagers over the internet because they’re too scared to say it to an adult’s face. These youngins usually have low intelligence, are easily influenced into doing bad things, and will become future criminals. They will enter the real world with a warped idea of how adulthood is supposed to be, and then realize they are completely fucked no matter what they do because they won’t have everything handed to them anymore. They will live with their parents, and possibly continue to act like a little teenager, trolling people on the internet, taking out all of their misery on people who are just simply human beings living their life.

Take my advice: stop being human and transform into a turtle, the least “emo” animal in the world.

All [BLANK] People Look the Same

“All black people look the same.” “All Asian people look the same.” “All Mexican people look the same.” Blah blah blah. MAN, does that get annoying…

I’m white. I’m white, and racism confuses me. I find it silly when someone claims that someone does something, or is a certain way just because of their skin color. It also bothers me when people say, “you can’t be racist toward white people.” It’s like saying, “men can’t be raped.” What is this “hate crime” bullshit we have? A white man can’t hit a black man, even if the black man hit him first. “Why did you hit him? Because he was black?” “No, it was self defense. I would’ve done the same thing it he were white.” No excuse, it’s a hate crime. However, if a black man hits a white man, even if he hit him because he’s white, it’s simply an assault crime. Makes. No. Sense. Shouldn’t either scenario just be the same crime?

A person cannot be judged for being born a certain way. Do you think we choose our skin color before birth? Do we choose if our brains are healthy? Do we choose if we don’t have deformities? Do we choose what sex we’re attracted to? No, we do not. So why do people discriminate against things we can’t control? If we are to hate another person, it should not be based on their race or sexuality, it should be based on the things they can control, like their personality. Hate someone for being an insensitive asshole, hate someone for being abusive, hate someone for being homophobic, but don’t hate them because of their fucking SKIN. What if you cut someone who is black? What color is their blood? Red. White people have red blood, Asians have red blood, everyone has red blood. Find someone who bleeds blue, and then start asking questions.

I was thinking the other day about when people say, “all [BLANK] people look the same.” I watch a lot of movies, most of them horror, and a good chunk of them are Asian horror. For some reason, I don’t enjoy foreign movies that are in languages other than English or an Asian language. Anyway, the point is, I’ve seen movies where there are more than just white people. IMAGINE THAT. I’ve realized that you can place the word “white” in that [BLANK].

I have short term memory loss, so I can forget new information very quickly. This includes faces, believe it or not. Unless the person has a unique and defining characteristic, I can’t tell one person from the next unless I’ve spent enough time with them to memorize their face. With movies, you only get a short time to become familiar with an assortment of characters, so most of the time, I actually can’t keep track of who is who unless there is something about them that’s different than everyone else. If there’s one black guy in the whole movie, obviously I’m going to recognize him, but say there are two white guys who are around the same age and have blonde hair. Could I tell you who is who? Not unless I watch the movie a few times.

The ironic thing is, when I’m watching an Asian horror movie, I recognize individual faces much quicker. Why is this? Don’t all Asians look the same? How can I tell two Asians apart verses two white people apart? How the hell is that possible? Not sure. Maybe it’s because I don’t see someone as their race, but as another human. But that wouldn’t explain why I have issues discerning white people. I can’t offer a logical explanation to this conflict, but it’s this factor that made me really think about the phrase, “all [BLANK] look the same.” Well, you know what? All white people look the same too.

When looking at it biologically, there are many genes that contribute to human appearance, but because genes are passed down, we share a lot of physical characteristics. If your mom and dad are both blonde, you’re going to be blonde. If both parents are Japanese, you’re going to be Japanese. That’s just a fact. It’s possible to find multiple people that look so similar, you can’t tell them apart unless you’ve had time to become accustomed to their differences. Why do you think we have that moment where we say, “have we met before?” or, “sorry, I thought you looked like someone I knew.” Of course, by the laws of observation, we take in what makes a person unique; their hair color, eye color, and yes, skin color. Concluding that someone is black is not a racist thing to do, because we do the same thing with every other skin color out there, including white. To say that you don’t make a mental note that a person is white is absolute bull.

When I was watching the Saw movies, I had this familiar problem where I didn’t recognize a couple of the white characters. I don’t remember which one it was, I think it was the third one, and toward the end, it showed a face of a character we had supposedly met earlier in the movie, you know, one of those, “here’s the twist! It was this guy!” sort of deals. Whereas most would go, “OH SNAP! It was that guy!” I was sitting here going, “wait, who is that? The music gives you the feeling that this is significant…” The same thing happened with the two victims, I had no idea that they had appeared in the earlier movies until repeated flashbacks showed how certain past plot points connected the stories together. It doesn’t help that I can’t remember names either. In the later movies, I was able to recognize the guy who survived, but that was because his screen time was increased.

I’m not saying I never have a problem telling one person from the other in Asian movies, but I’ve noticed that it happens a lot less. It tends to happen more in movies that show a bunch of students in school because they all have the same uniform, unless of course they wear their hair a certain way. But in movies where the cast is composed mostly of white people, I do experience the “who is that?” thought a lot unless the character has a defining feature that’s unlike the others; unique hair or eye color, different body shape, fashion style, voice, or sometimes eye shape. Take Elijah Wood, for instance. He has very big eyes, and that’s his defining feature. I’m going to be able to recognize him among all the other white characters. Or actors that I am more familiar with because I’ve seen a lot of their movies, like Jim Carry. He’s going to stick out because I’ve had time to memorize his face.

The point is, “all [BLANK] people look the same” is absolute crap because of the obvious fact that all PEOPLE look the same, even if we don’t look the same. It all comes down to the fact that people need to just stop being racist. Haven’t we moved passed this? No, and why? It’s the same with homosexuality. It seems like society is progressing, so why aren’t we passed this? Why do people feel the need to hate people for what they can’t control? How can people possibly say things like, “black people rob banks,” “Asians eat cats,” “Mexicans are lazy,” et cetera? Yeah, there have been cases where a black person robbed a bank, but so have white people. Do you think there isn’t some sick white guy out there who likes to eat cats? And what about laziness? I’m fucking lazy as hell! I’ve met tons of lazy ass white people! Humans have different personalities and make different choices that do not depend solely on their skin color, but depend on their environment in which they grew up.

Even if everything I say is true, will that change anything? No. Because the idiots of the world are going to raise their kids with the same beliefs, and we’ll be lucky if that kid eventually learns that their parents were the idiots that they were. I hate as strongly as I love, but I hate people for their character, not their skin color. For me, that’s just the obvious, and racism, sexism, homophobia, et cetera does not make sense to me. It’s abnormal.

And of course, everything I just said was racist because I’m white.

Old People…

I’ve always known that I don’t enjoy the company of old people. Call me intolerant if you want. Just remember, YOU chose to read this. Ever since I was a young girl, I thought old people were slow, boring, and nasty looking. Of course, I didn’t know the half of it. Later I found everything that happens to people when they age. I went to the Bodies Exhibit a few years back, and they were showing a chart of brain development. The reason for old people being unintelligent was finally aparent. As an infant, the brain is growing and developing rather quickly, taking in information and such. This is why it is crucial to make sure your child is getting as much education as possible. Not just in childhood though, because the brain continues to grow up until about age twenty. When a teenager thinks they know everything, they are wrong because they haven’t reached their full mental capacity. At age twenty, most intelligent people will realize they don’t know everything, and they never will know EVERYTHING. However, they are aware of their maturity level, their strengths and weaknessess, and their limitations. When I was eighteen, I used to laugh at all who were not “adults” yet because I was the smartest person in the world. Well, I learned two years later that you are only legally an adult at eighteen, and you’re biologically an adult at twenty.

So, at twenty our brains are swollen with knowlege, assuming you didn’t fuck yourself up by doing drugs, drinking, smoking, or just plain sleeping in school and refusing to do homework. We get to enjoy this vast, swollen brain for maybe… guessing about fifteen to twenty years… MAYBE. Then it starts to shrink, to shrivel, to DIE. This is maybe my worst fear. We start to lose brain cells. We grow… there’s no other word for it… stupid. I value my intelligence, even though I am not a genius. I feel like I’m one of the few smart people left… I mean, compared to a lot of idiots I see in this world, I AM a fucking genius. (If you could hear the kind of conversations Lauren and I get into, you’d be like, “what the fuck?” Because they are all deep and scientific, questioning the way our bodies and minds work, or how nature works, etc.) Part of me feels guilty about hating old people because they are slow, ugly, and stupid… I know they can’t help it. But I’m scared. Not only do I value my intelligence, I also value my looks. I know I’m not ugly, so I try my best to keep my skin looking as great as I can without harming it, hoping that I can delay the wrinkling process as long as I can. I don’t want to be ugly, but I’m against plastic surgery. A fragment of my being secretly hopes I die at forty, but god knows I don’t actually want to die. I just hope god keeps me pretty for as long as possible… but he has more important things to do than worry about me. I don’t blame him. This world has gone to utter crap.

All of this asside, I don’t like how MEAN old people are. I mean, I’d be grumpy if I was stupid and ugly too, but they could at least try to treat people nicely. I think they hate everyone. And people are retiring a lot sooner than they should, so they are taking all of our tax money! They are horrible drivers and are slow in line at stores, and they force their family to take care of them as if they were a baby. They are just a huge inconvenience. At least babies are cute, and we know they’ll be intelligent in a few years. I don’t know if you’ve noticed… but seven year olds are freakin smart. Seven, eight, and nine, I’d say. I played checkers with a nine year old who nearly matched my skill. If I decide to have a kid, (and I hope it’s a girl,) she’ll be a genius. I’ll give her everything my mother didn’t give me. When we’re at a store, I want her to get excited about a pretty dress AND a book explaining the complexity of space. I will be honored if she’s more intelligent than me… of course, I wasn’t given the greatest opportunity I could have gotten… thanks mom and dad.

Long story short… I really hate old people. We should have a giant retirement home to send them to… like Alcatraz, only for old people instead of deadly criminals.

I Don’t Want To Be… THEM…

Have you ever devoted an entire segment of your life to NOT being like a certain person or persons? Yes, it’s a task that takes a lot of energy, but we being humans do it without even thinking about it. I sort of just realized the times when I’ve done it. Of course, I was VERY aware of me trying not to be like my parents; I’ve dedicated my entire life to that. But then, when I realized Ariel was going downhill, I saw all the annoying and disgusting slobby things she was doing, I purposefully made sure that my actions were as opposite as hers as possible. Of course you know, when you’re around a person for a long time, you end up adopting some of their traits. So even after I left Ariel’s house for good, I had to work to get all of the quirks she expelled on me out of my system. There was one really bad one… making constant excuses. Whenever I encountered a sort of problem, I would make an excuse, even if what I was saying was true, because I hate lying. I had to realize, no one wants to hear an explanation of what happened, they just want to hear a short “okay” or “it won’t happen again.” The reason being, when you make an excuse, it sounds like an immature teenager not taking responsibility for his/her actions. Thank god I trained myself to please my superiors by offering responsible responses. I also had to make sure I didn’t leave my dishes lying around like she did, or keeping stuff off the floor. Right now it’s hard to do that because since I’m never home, I can’t clean my room.

However, now I have a new person to keep myself from being like. I have to say, Ariel was the way she was because her mom was a horrible parent who didn’t discipline her, and Ariel also was on drugs, and very lazy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m lazy too, but only when it’s appropriate. But this girl, Michael’s current roommate whom we’re trying to get rid of, is completely sober, and as far as I know, had a responsible mother. This girl has a disability that affects her motor skills, but not her mental skills… no. She’s not mentally handicapped, she’s just normal, grade A stupid. I had no idea that a girl with good upbringing and straight edge could possibly be MORE of a slob than Ariel. Michael is the only one who does the dishes, because I have tactile defensive disorder, which makes certain senses of mine sensitive to textures like water, and this girl just plain doesn’t like it. However, when I move in, I will do all other house work; I actually enjoy it. But at least I make it easier on him by RINSING my dishes and putting them in the sink. This THING just leaves┬ánon-rinsed pots and pans on the stove, and leaves food out on the counter for days on end. She also doesn’t flush the fucking toilet. Her room is a pig sty, and I haven’t told Mike this, but I found what look horribly like boogers stuck under the bathroom counter…. I am very confused. She’s rude and disgusting, and because of this, I try my best to not do the things she does. She always coughs, but her cough is a ridiculous sounding cough which leads me to believe she’s crying for attention, so I try to actually not even cough, and when I do, I cover my mouth and try to be as silent as humanly possible. I also try my hardest not to talk to myself because she has conversations with herself. I try to be cleaner than usual, and plain not make any noise what so ever. There are other thing that I try not to do, but they’re not worth explaining. Point is, I am now conscious of my actions of trying not to adopt her horrible personality.

I don’t know why we do this. I also don’t know if I’m worse than other when it comes to this. I am a Scorpio, so I know we are meaner than an angry badger with a thorn stuck up its ass. We hold long, horrid grudges full of vengeance… so maybe my hatred for the ways she lives (like a pig) is quite hostile, but I don’t give a fuck. I believe that certain people deserve this kind of treatment, especially if you are a rude person with no respect for other people. How else are they going to learn? I had to learn the hard way. I was punished for these things too. Because of that, I believe that people can only learn by harsh methods. And if this bitch doesn’t learn, she’ll be pushed out of the gene pool… but frankly, she’s uglier than sin, so she probably shouldn’t reproduce anyway… not that anyone would want to fuck her. So those are just a couple of reasons why it would help us all if she didn’t reproduce; her stupidity and ugliness. Lauren keeps telling me that I need to reproduce because we are pretty and intelligent, and so few pretty, intelligent people are reproducing… but frankly, I don’t know if I WANT kids.

I don’t want to be like my mother, and my biggest fear is putting a child through what I had been through.

Stereotyping

I’m going to talk about stereotyping because I happen to be the butt of a lot of stereotypes. When one looks at me, some may think that I do drugs and drink and party all night long. Some think that I’m emo, so I cut myself and listen to bands like Bullet for My Valentine. I’m sure there are many other things people can think about me without a second thought. Even if I used to cut myself, it wasn’t for attention like emo kids. In fact, I’d try my best to hide it. And the only “whiny” band I listen to is My Chemical Romance, but I hated their first album, and only listen to their second album every now and then. They have a different sound than most emo whiny butt licking bands. Even the Used, who I also hate, has ONE song I like, and that’s “Taste of Ink.” I was listening to it hard one day, and his voice is so annoying, I said, “how can I stand to listen to this song?” I guess it’s the melody; it’s easy to sing to. But I hate any of their other songs. Also, people automatically assume that if you dress unorthodox, or if you have punky colors in your hair, or have piercings or tattoos, that you do drugs and drink, and are ruining your life. They don’t assume that you are individual, and you have a life that is calm and good… nope. And as for partying? Yes, I’d love to go to a rave or something, but only for the thrill. I wouldn’t dare drink anything there, for fear of it being laced, nor would I accept anything from anyone. Plus, I don’t have the money, and my work schedule doesn’t accomodate it. I’d rather just throw my own party, and I have. I didn’t want to go to my senior prom, because I thought it was stupid and pointless, even if my boyfriend at the time would’ve been more than happy to go with me. So instead I threw my own house rave. I charged people five dollars unless they brought food, drinks, or glow sticks. It was made for those who were either to young to go to prom, or they just didn’t want to go. And it was a blast. Some people who went to prom later told me they wished they hadn’t gone, and went to my party instead.

I bring up this issue because I noticed something. A lot of the times, people won’t hire you if you have piercings, tattoos, and weird hair. In fact, when I applied for PetSmart, right in the application it said you are limited to one piercing in each ear lobe. I have three, and one lip piercing, no tattoos though. But at Walgreens, there are three of us with lip piercings, two of us with tattoos, and even one of the assistant managers has three ear lobe piercings in each ear. My coworker asked my manager if she could get a sleeve, and he said, “we don’t care what you look like here. Have you seen Kara’s hair?” Boosh. But it’s true. I have blonde hair with pink and purple streaks in the front.

Every now and then, I’ll get conservative old people who don’t approve of my appearance, but lately, I get more compliments, even from old people. I hope this is because people are realizing that more people, no matter what label they may be classified in society are expressing themselves. I try not to label people anymore, but even girls I would consider “preps” are getting lip piercings, which were usually associated with outcast labels. Now, usually when you see someone who looks socially out of the ordinary, it’s because they have some sort of artistic ability, and their mind is free to wander. Now, in a lot of the cases, this is not true, which is why people associate us with bad habits.

I hate the people who make their stereotypes true. “All black people can’t speak right and listen to rap music and steal crap while doing drugs and having sex with different women.” Yes, some black people do this, but so to white people. I’m sure we all know some black people who don’t fall under this stereotype. “Mexican are lazy and none of them know how to speak english, and they all came here illegally.” Again, not true. Many Mexicans I’ve known are not lazy, and some of them actually finished high school and went to college, thank you very much! Plus, I meet customers that come from places in Europe that can barely speak english and probably came here illegally too. “Asians are all smart as hell, but can’t drive.” I’ve met asians who don’t even try to finish their homework. “All middle eastern people are terrorists.” Guess what? There were MANY middle eastern girls at my school who came here because they didn’t agree with the way some people thought in their country. And you know, it takes a lot of guts to leave your country, learn English, and come to our country and take the hardest test known to man; the American Citizenshop Test. In my civics class we took a mini version of this test. All of us had been born in America, and none of us passed.

Also, the reason why I don’t label people anymore is because I’ve learned that even certain cliques don’t match up to their stereotype. I’ve known intelligent preps, intelligent jocks, happy goths and emos, cool and attractive nerds, litterate “gangster” looking kids, and so on.

The problem is that the reason we have these stereotypes is because a lot of people make their stereotypes true, and that’s what hurts us that don’t live up to our stereotype. I could be considered emo by some people, but hell… I shop at Hot Topic, an emo/goth store, but I also shop at Claire’s and Forever 21, which are “prep” stores. Who cares, as long as it’s what you think looks good on you. I’ll mix a skirt I got at Hot Topic with a shirt I got at Forever 21. Who the fuck cares?

Also, stereotypes relating to sex. Females are weak and are meant to clean and like girly stuff. We’re also crazy, which I think is true, only because we are extremely horomonal on our period, we jump to conclusions too fast, and I think we might be more prone to depression. Also, according to scientific studies, we tend to focus more on school work, making us seem more intelligent, and we also have more violent tendancies than males, believe it or not. Of course, again, there are females that don’t express these attributes. My old roomate was and still is a fucking idiot. But still. I will admit I’m pretty good at cleaning, and enjoy some household chores, and I am pretty weak because I’m too lazy to work out. I also enjoy colorful things, girly stuff, and jewlery. That’s pretty normal. But I also love violent video games, “guy” animes like Dragonball Z, repliles, bugs, and wrestling. So what? There are girls who are so prissy it’s disgusting, and there are girls who are complete tom boys and won’t even go near a flower. And then there are males. They are stupid, incompetant, violent, lazy, loud, immature, and only think about sex. Guess what? Females think about sex just as much as males do. And I know plenty of intelligent men. Yes, it’s true that in most cases, females mature faster than males, but again, going back to my old roomate; twenty, and still whining to her mother that she doesn’t ever give her what she wants, and that she hates her, and crap like that. We’re all loud, that’s how we have fun. And hell, I’m pretty damn lazy too, but I get up and go to work anyway. The reason why men are “stupid,” is because their minds aren’t as scattered as ours. Because of our horomones, we think, “well what if this happens? And because he says this, does it mean this? What do I do if this happens? This means that, and that means this. And he must be this.” Such and such. Men are more like, “I’m gonna do this now. Oh, that happened. Okay.” Not saying that they’re simple minded, it’s just that us women have trouble relaxing. Estrogen is not a fun horomone; it causes us to panic. Testosterone I believe causes confidence and maybe a violent nature. But we both have these hormones. Women always assume men are doing something fishy if they happen to say the “wrong thing.” Frankly, when we get mad, they don’t know what the hell they did wrong! Even gay guys, who relate to women a lot more than straight guys show the “what did I do wrong?” attribute. But again, both sexes show attributes of eachother, some more than others.

What I hate is people who make the stereotype tru, like I said before. It gives us a bad name. I’m a vegetarian. That must mean I oppose everyone who eats meat, and they’re all evil and I’m a hippie, right? WRONG! I hate PETA, and I hate people who protest in front of meat shops, or try to tell meat eaters that they are evil. Are you going to tell a lion that its evil because it eats a zebra? Probably not, because they’re soft, cuddly wittle animals, and it’s in their nature. Well, we’re animals too, and it’s in OUR nature as well. We just have the power of choice. I decided to stop eating other animals, that doesn’t mean you have to. It’s harder than you think. I had to give it up slowly. First, red meat, then poultry, and finally, I gave up fish, which some people don’t classify as meat, but it’s still an animal. I still eat cheese and eggs because you don’t have to kill chickens or cows to get them. And you can tell if an egg is fertile when you crack it. Some people argue, “well the conditions that the cows and chickens are put under is aweful.” Yes, I know all about it. Truth of the matter, not all of us have the money to buy expensive milk and eggs from a nice farm. These things are expensive as it is. It’s sad, but it’s the way things are. Same with people harming the environment. Yes, these are horrible things, but people aren’t going to change, cause they don’t care. PETA made a big deal out of Obama killing a fly in an interview. Well… flies, along with other diptera, are disease carrying insects that can give you parasites. Oh, but that’s okay, cause parasites are living creatures and deserve to feed off of the food you’re supposed to be eating. It’s in their nature to kill us slowly. Save the cuddly tapeworms!

Fact of the matter is, I hope that if you, the person who is reading this, believed in these stereotypes, you will change your mind and try to figure out the real person behind the tattoos and see if they’re going to mug you, or if they really just want to hold a fluffy bunny and feed it a carrot.