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“Lucky Me,” She Said with Sarcasm.

I feel like that one wrestler who gets badly injured, is out for a few months, and then comes back, only to get injured again, once again having to leave for a few months. Yep. It’s like… come on, I escaped my life’s biggest tragedy when I was fourteen, and I have PTSD because of it. Surely things would get better, right?

WRONG.

I’ve learned now to never say, “it’ll get better” for me. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” is what I say now. On top of everything I’ve had to deal with so far in my adult life, you’d think the universe would lay off of me a little bit. Nope! Oh Reitanna, you’re such an idiot, having hope for the future. Every time it seems like life isn’t so bad, I get ran over by a train. Not only that, but when Michael is trying to schedule something for me to help fix it, I say, “so, what’s the bad news?” Because I know he doesn’t have any good news! And I’m right every single time! I’m not surprised anymore, but it doesn’t make it any more pleasant.

Let’s just cover the recent things that have happened… I lost all of the weight I wanted to lose and then some! I am currently 113 pounds, and my goal had been 115. My weight keeps going down! I dunno what I’m doing right, but whatever it is, I’ll keep doing it! My diet is decently healthy, but it’s not really that you have to worry about, it’s the number of calories you eat each day. I’ve been eating 1200 calories a day at max for months, and it paid off. I like to eat fruit and yogurt to combat sweet cravings, and every so often, a little 100 calorie ice cream cup. When Aunt Flo comes to see me every month, I’m allowed to eat as much chocolate I want, so when she leaves, I always check my weight to see how much I gained… but I never gain any, I just stay the same as I was before. I rarely snack, and when I do, I make sure to only have one serving, I don’t drink juice with a lot of sugar, I never drink more than I should, and I only have soda every once in awhile, which ends up being once every few months, if that. The only candy I eat is either a special occasion, or that one time of the month.

I turn twenty-six this November. At the time this happened, I was 114 pounds. I am in perfect physical health. No history of this kind of thing in my family. I got a kidney stone. Some people don’t get kidney stones until they’re in their sixties, but most people don’t get them at all! Someone my age, with my weight and diet should not have gotten a kidney stone. It was the most painful thing, literally, not figuratively, I have ever experienced. Here’s the kicker: I didn’t show any of the symptoms that lead up to passing a kidney stone, it just came out of nowhere. Boom. Pain. Oh, did I mention I drink water all day, every day? Not sink water, filtered water. Have been for years. And another thing… my diet has remained the same for over a year now, too. My completely healthy diet has not changed. And I got a kidney stone. I don’t eat anything in excess that causes them, and everything causes them.

We’re gonna get “too much info” personal here. I also have always had a… “plumbing” problem. Ya know, things don’t pass as frequently as they should. I thought it was normal for people to make only once a week, but no, the average is about every other day. So, I needed more fiber! I’ve been taking fiber supplements for a long time now, too, nearly a year. Welp, it’s made it easier, but not more frequent. Why am I bringing this up?

BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO EAT TO KEEP YOU REGULAR CAUSES KIDNEY STONES.

Leafy greens. Guess what? I don’t eat those anyway! I hate darker green lettuce! It has to be light green for me, otherwise I gag! I can’t even eat spinach unless it’s canned. So, there’s part of my fiber problem, but it doesn’t explain how I got a kidney stone. I eat lots of fruit, including lima beans, which are high in fiber, but again, the “lots” isn’t an excessive amount. Basically, it looks like I’m going to need a colonoscopy!

Back to the kidney stones. There was never blood in my urine, and when I supposedly passed it, no stone was actually discovered. My urine test showed that there was a tiny trace of blood, but that could’ve been from the many scabs I have around my pubic area. There. Is. No. Reason. I. Should. Have. Gotten. A. Kidney. Stone. Ooooh, but here’s the best part! MY KIDNEY STILL HURTS! I urinate more frequently, it’s uncomfortable, and my kidney aches similar to menstrual cramps, except only on that one side! Still, no blood in my urine, and the pain is either worse, or less, depending on the day. I’m drinking cranberry juice, which is supposed to dissolve the stones, but do I even have stones? They did a CT scan at the hospital and said they didn’t see any!

So, I’m just supposed to be in pain for the rest of my life? Do you know what I was planning on doing after I hit my target weight? Working to flatten my tummy and get a belly ring. I wanted to have a tummy I could show off. I was so happy when I reached 114 pounds… now, I can’t work on flattening my tummy because it hurts. Standing and sitting down hurts. Walking or bending over hurts. Everything. Hurts.

That was weeks ago, but the pain hasn’t gone. And today… oh… today… ha! Well, lemme just start off with this: ten years ago, I was eating a vanilla flavored See’s hard candy. I tried to chew it on the left side of my mouth, and I felt something crack. I spit out the candy, but along with it was a very small white piece that actually resembled the candy itself. Upon closer investigation, it was actually part of my tooth. Well, it was not really a big deal; I had had a root canal on that tooth about a year prior, so I didn’t feel any pain. It was just a little chip that I had to make sure to brush and floss extra thoroughly because food got caught in there more easily. I got used to it…

This morning, that same tooth completely split. I try to chew on the right side of my mouth because I have two problems on the left side. One, I still have my wisdom teeth, and at the very back of the left side of my mouth is a space between the bottom¬†tooth and the gums that forms a sort of trench, and a few years back, food started to get trapped in it, because it actually hadn’t been there before! It’s nearly impossible to clean, I brush at it, I use toothpicks to try and clean it out, but it’s too far back in my mouth, and, I dunno if you’ve noticed, I have GIGANTIC TEETH. I’m like¬†Hermione Granger in the dental department, but I can’t have them shrunk. Two, on the top left side of my mouth, the filling in the very last tooth fell out a couple years ago, so there’s a big hole. I can actually feel the gums through the hole. Even though I chew on the right side of my mouth, food still gets stuck in it, and I HATE IT. I brush at it and try to dig it out with a toothpick, but I end up poking my gums, and it hurts. Plus, it’s too far to reach!

So… no matter how often I brush and floss, I continuously have bad breath. I can’t stand it. I hate being a human because we are so fucking gross. I’m gross. I’m gross, and I have always done everything I can to stay clean. It’s no mystery where my self-hatred stems from, and this is one of the main sources.

But this morning, I was chewing my fiber gummies on the right side of my mouth like I always do, but accidentally let one slip to the left side. I bit down on it one time, and I felt that same tooth just crack, and now half of it was able to be wiggled. Again, no roots, so it didn’t hurt. However, I couldn’t get the damn thing out of my mouth with my fingers, so I did the most metal thing I could think of, grabbed some pliers, and yanked the damn thing out. My pain tolerance is pretty high, so it didn’t hurt as much as it should have. Now it’s just a dull ache, but now, instead of having the front of a tooth, I have an exposed filling. Thankfully, this tooth can’t be seen when I talk or smile, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is a health risk.

For those of you who are not adults, and mommy and daddy handle all of your medical costs, you may not know that dental care is horribly expensive. I am a low income independent, so my insurance only covers basic stuff. Michael was on the phone all morning try to find a dentist… well, he found six! Seems like things are finally looking up, huh? NOPE! One was closed, one was fully booked, and all of the others had their problems, and the only one that could take me had a single opening for eight o’clock in the morning. Well, I’m obviously going to sacrifice the sleep I desperately need to try and get this fixed, and hopefully address the other issues going on in my mouth, bu… seriously? Out of six, not one could take me today? I’m afraid to eat anything!

Mike told me, “we’ll get you fixed up, and everything will be fine.” I said, “has it ever been fine? History tends to repeat itself. From my past experiences, I know it won’t be fine. It’ll never be fine.” I mean, FUCK, universe! Couldn’t you just give me cancer? Stop playing with your little toys and finally bring out the big guns to finish me off? This is fucking stupid. I just lost the weight I wanted to lose to feel better about myself… I’m trying not to pick at my face or pull my hair… but what’s the point in trying to be pretty again if I’m just going to lose all of my teeth before I’m thirty? NO MATTER WHAT I DO! I will never be pretty like I was when I was a teenager. God, I was so pretty… I used to look like this:

nature-girl

So pretty… so thin… now I’m thin, but… why does the world hate me? I do absolutely nothing but be the best I can be, I help people, I’m honest, I don’t do drugs, I have a clean criminal record, I’m not abusive… I don’t do anything to deserve these things. This is why I don’t believe in karma.

Now, I’m not saying all of this to hear, “oh, I feel so sorry for you,” so don’t even give me that. I don’t need you to spit in my face, thanks. In case you haven’t noticed, I need to vent about things, I need to complain, and whether or not someone actually reads my blog, I don’t care. It needs to get out, and so I get it out. In the past, when I’ve done this, people have accused me of trying to gain pity and sympathy. It always baffled me, because I was like, “what on earth makes you think that?” I guess it’s because I don’t understand the concept of trying to make people feel sorry for you? All I ever want out of this is to get it out, and for anyone who reads it, to understand. Now I have to actually say I don’t want sympathy because of this sheepshit. It’s… pathetic! It’s like it’s a fad to accuse people of crying out for attention or something. Don’t they understand that it’s healthy to vent?

All the same… I guess I don’t necessarily feel sorry for myself, it’s more like, “really? I haven’t been through enough yet?” They say some people are born into tragedy. I was born from a drug addicted, alcoholic whore who didn’t even know who my father was until they did a paternity test. I had to endure fourteen years of constant physical, mental, and emotional abuse. I still have my first scar from when I was six, and she burned my arm with her cigarette. I have every single scar she ever gave me, and a nice assortment of mental disorders to boot. And when I got free… it just didn’t stop. Thing after thing after thing just kept happening, from being accused of premeditated murder, to being told by my principal that he’d call the police if I didn’t stop crying, to getting in trouble for crying when someone else threatened to kill me, to being used and abused by the worst guy I ever dated, to not being allowed to share a hotel room on our choir trip with my best friend because I had just come out as bisexual at the time, to being kicked out of my grandma’s house after graduation with NO arrangements made as to where I would live, to finally being happy to visit my father for the first time in a decade, only to find that the family expected me to give them money that I didn’t have, to having to sit with my father’s mother in a restaurant and be lectured on how some man was going to take everything I had and I’d have to come crying to her for money, to coming back to California to see my shit packed up and nearly being put on the street AGAIN, and when I finally get some success by getting a job, going to school, getting certified as a makeup artist and licensed as a cosmetologist, I had to endure three years of harassment from an assistant manager to the point where I finally cracked, tried to kill myself, and didn’t leave the house for two years straight because I had gone to Anime LA and was stranded there by the “friend” I had gone with, so I had to ride four hours back with complete strangers, and now my social anxiety is the highest it has EVER been… and that’s just up until 2013… I could go on! Oh, there’s so much more!

And when I’m forced to think about all of this, and realize that I’m still not any closer to getting a house with Michael, getting married, and finally have some fucking peace… my throat feels tight, and I’m actually starting to cry. I took my medication, so this is actual sadness, and I hate it. All I want is to be happy, to smile, to laugh, to feel as colorful as I look… I love feeling happy, it’s the greatest damn feeling in the world… but I’m not happy. I’ve completely ditched my real life responsibilities and created a life in Animal Crossing: New Leaf because I can be healthy there, I can be pretty, I can be social, I have a nice big house, I make money, I’m so successful and happy… I’ve not been working on anything that pertains to me real life job as a YouTuber, and it’s because I had gotten so stressed about people demanding “Muffins,” that I haven’t even touched the next narration in months. It’s bad, and I know it.

I’m just… unlucky. I’m practically a jinx. It’s because I was never meant to be here, I was a mistake. And no, that’s not some emo-boy-dreamy-haircut sheepshit, it’s just an actual conclusion that I have accepted. The fact that I’m not meant to exist doesn’t depress me, it’s that I’m constantly punished for existing, even if I do everything I can to fight life, to do good things, to help other people with their life battles, and I have stopped so many suicides, including my own brother’s. I’m proud of my good nature, especially since I do, in fact, exude 80% of a textbook sociopath’s behavior. I use that to my advantage to protect myself, but having sociopathic traits does not stop me from choosing to do good. And when it all comes down to it, when I finally see some light, just to have it snuffed out again, when every single part of me gets sent back down to the hole I came from, it hurts. It hurts so bad. If there’s a god, this is just one big joke to him. If he created us, he created people like me on purpose. Oh, were you under the impression that I thought I was the only one? Of course not.

There are eight billion people on this planet. I can feel as alone as possible, but the truth is, there are hundreds of thousands of people who were born into tragedy. People who are nothing but bad luck, people who shouldn’t exist. The levels vary; some people have it not as bad as me, some people have it worse, some people have it worse than the people who have it worse, and some people have learned to make it work. I am no different than these types of people. That’s why I don’t feel sorry for myself, because I know that there are countless people in these situations of varying severity. I don’t feel sorry for myself, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not begging the universe to give me a break. I wish it didn’t have to be this way for anyone. That’s why I give advice to those who seek it from me. I want to help them by giving them the tools for survival that I wish I had when I was young. Because it’s not fair. Life is not fair. Life will never be fair. I have accepted this.

But I just want to be happy.

 

(Forgive me, I’m too exhausted to proofread this, so there will be typos. Please respect that I am human, and I am not perfect. Everyone makes typos.)

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I Just Need to Vent Again

This is less about people reading it, and more me just trying to empty the bottle a bit. These are times when I wish that I lived in the Harry Potter universe. I would be a witch that attends Hogwarts, and I’d have access to the Room of Requirement. I’d make it a room filled with breakable objects just so I could get out my frustrations physically. I’ve never been able to do that, and I really need to have a huge violent fit right now in order to completely empty the bottle… venting just doesn’t cut it most of the time.

Of course, we live in a world where we can’t just be violent without consequence, which is upsetting. Humans are naturally violent creatures, and we need to… excuse this reference… purge in order to get rid of it. I finally saw the movie The Purge, and it did not live up to my expectations. But what if, man? What if we had an annual purge? Let’s make a few changes though. Instead of annually, this purge could happen whenever the fuck people want to physically let out their rage. How would this work?

Well, the way I’m seeing it, this purge wouldn’t be “all crime is legal.” In fact, laws would and should stay the same. I’m thinking more like… having a facility with different types of rooms for different things. You’d need to pay to enter the facility, maybe like ten dollars, I think that’s fair. There’d be rooms where you could just break stuff, there’d be rooms that only one person can enter at a time to destroy stuff with different kinds of weapons, and there’d be rooms where people could enter to consent to actually fighting each other. A controlled environment where the only injuries are your fault because you chose to engage.

If we had that kind of outlet, crime could possibly lessen, but I’m not saying it would stop all together. This “purging” would be for, you know, regular people who get stressed and want to JUST FUCKING BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOMETHING OR SOMEONE. This would lessen anyone taking their frustration out on others, both verbally and physically. But, just like I say when I wish I ruled the world, unrealistic dreams are unrealistic.

So, what’s grinding Reitanna’s gears today? Fucking… fuckity… FUCK… FUCKING TEENAGERS, man! Okay, I’ll admit, when I was a stupid teenager, I was guilty at doing this too, but now I know how stupid and irritating it is! When some fucking kid sicks their friends on you. Especially for no reason! Like, say someone deliberately insults me. Well, I’m a fucking Scorpio, I don’t take that shit sitting down! I’m a lover and a fighter, and I believe people should not just get away with doing something wrong, they need to experience the consequence. So, naturally, I defend myself. Depending on the insult, I could respond with annoyance, frustration, anger, or rage.

Say this person doesn’t like one of my “Muffins” stories. Okay, cool, no problem, everyone has their own opinions. However, because they dislike it, they have the audacity to say it’s BAD WRITING. Excuse me, but I am far from a bad writer, and that’s not my opinion. I have an extremely high reading and writing level, to the point where I’ve out-shown everyone in all of my classes involving reading and writing since second grade. When I was in second grade, my teacher actually forbade me from reading books that were a second grade level because I read them too easily. She forced me to pick from the fourth grade books, which were still not much of a challenge, though much more entertaining than the second grade books.

By eight grade, I was at an eleventh grade reading/writing level. Then, by Sophomore year, I was at a college reading/writing level. My Sophomore English teacher sat me down one day to talk about my essays. She said, “I noticed something about your essay writing. When you try to follow the thesis/commentary/commentary/conclusion format, you don’t seem to write at your full potential. The best essays I’ve seen from you are ones where you didn’t follow the standard format. From now on, I want you to just write. Don’t bother with the format, just go.” That was some of the best advice I had ever received from a teacher.

Junior year came around, and at the end of the year was the Junior Paper. This was a huge essay that counted for most of your grade. Well, me, being in Choir, was going to be in Washington DC while everyone else was working on all three of their drafts and the final essay. My grandmother bought me a second-hand laptop so I could attempt to work on it, but we hardly spent any time in our hotel rooms. We mostly attended workshops, practiced, went sight seeing, following all of the events that our teacher had planned for us. Then, of course, there was the competition itself, which had multiple stages. We killed it, by the way.

So, what did this mean for me? I got back home at about midnight on a Sunday. I usually went to bed around nine (I’ve set my own curfew since I was ten). Guess what? THE ENTIRE JUNIOR PAPER WAS DUE THE VERY NEXT DAY. I had to write an eight page essay in one night, very exhausted, and very jet lagged. But oh man, did I write that sucker. I stayed up until three in the morning writing the essay from scratch, no drafts, no notes, NOTHING. The required length was eight pages, and I honestly don’t remember if I exceeded it or not. Monday came, and I had been the only one in the class who had flushed out their entire essay in one night with no preparation, and no guidance from the teacher.

B+ mother fuckers. B FUCKING PLUS. If I had had the time that everyone else got, that would’ve been an A+, but a B+ for something like that was good enough for me. I was shocked, but astounded, and it was then that I truly realized what having a high reading/writing level meant. I had never really appreciated it much until that day. Naturally, for my Senior Project the next year, I wrote two stories; “Quiet Heartbeat” and “Untitled.” Of course, you never stop learning, so I’ve come a long way since then, but the judges still gave me near-perfect scores. I say “near-perfect” because one bitch made a note about how I wasn’t dressed professionally. I’m sorry, but I was wearing a black and white sawtooth blazer with a matching skirt that fell just above my knees. Even my grandmother said I looked professional, and the other judges didn’t seem to have a problem with it!

Anyway, I’m twenty-five now. I may still be learning and improving my skills, but that does not make me a bad writer in any sense. However, apparently if someone doesn’t like something, it means it’s bad. Oh wah, cry my a river, build me a boat, and take me on a vacation to Whinersville. Let me give two examples from real people that shows what a rational person does when they dislike something.

I hate Star Wars. With a passion. Always have, always will, no matter how many times I’ve tried to get into it. I can’t. I can’t stand it so much, I hate when people talk about it. HOWEVER… does this mean the movies are bad? Some fans would have their comments about how certain films were disappointing, but in general, are the films bad because I dislike them? No, I don’t think they’re bad at all, quite the contrary. I think they’re stupid, but that’s an opinion. The fact is is that the Star Wars franchise is incredibly successful, and for good reason. I’m certain that the movies have broken multiple world records. They are great films, I can’t deny that, I just don’t like them. I can hate them all I want, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are excellent.

My boyfriend, Michael, loves Star Wars, but HAAAAAAATES Harry Potter, which I love. All the same, just like me, he cannot actually knock the films, because they are not bad films. He cannot knock the books, because they are extremely well written. Same with music. He hates Lady Gaga’s music, but he can’t deny that she’s talented and that her music is good. He just doesn’t like it, and that’s his opinion. He is fair to the creations, even though he wants nothing to do with them. Sensible people do this. Now, it’s different when something actually is bad, like Sonic Boom.

Oh, that brings me to a third example I just thought of! This one is sort of reverse, and has to do with the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. Unlike many people, I enjoyed Shadow the Hedgehog. It is known as one of the worst Sonic games, but I enjoyed it. However, I can see why many people dislike it, or even hate it. There are too many elements that, rightfully, make it a bad Sonic game. All the same, I really enjoyed playing it. I love Shadow (not as much as Knuckles, though), I liked being able to choose to be good or evil, I enjoyed using weapons even though it was so unlike a Sonic game to do such a thing, and the entire game itself was challenging. I tried getting all of the endings, but there was one I couldn’t get because I couldn’t fucking find this one thing to complete this one level… Still.

I assume that’s how fans of Sonic Boom feel, as few as they are. Hopefully they can see why it’s a bad game. But let’s face it, no matter how bad Shadow the Hedgehog was, it’s nowhere near as bad as Sonic Boom. You know, the same goes for Silent Hill 4: The Room. That is hands down my favorite Silent Hill game, but is often shot down by other Silent Hill fans. Even though it’s my favorite game, I can still see why some people don’t like it.

Another possible example is The Last Airbender. I loved the cartoon, so I was excited about the movie. The pronunciations of the names had me cringe each time they were said, and I have a great deal of complaints about other main aspects of the film. However, I was able to see the good in it, even though it’s small. People often say the entire movie sucked. Well, that’s not really true. This is a very small matter, but the graphics were pretty good. There were other tiny things that made it pretty entertaining. I wouldn’t voluntarily watch it again, but if someone else wanted to watch it with me, I’d be able to tolerate it. It’s just a matter of seeing things from different views.

Now, this person said my story was “bad writing” because he/she did not understand how the bakers act in the story, specifically mentally torturing others, not the actual act of physical violence. Long story short, he/she could not actually comprehend how someone could be so cruel, as if he/she was unaware of the reality of just how cruel real people are. Because of their cruelty, he/she said they dislike that particular story. No big deal, that’s fine, no problem. But he/she outright said it was “bad writing.” Um, no, it’s not, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. It’s realistic, it captures the mentality of a Sociopath, it shows how a “normal” mind reacts to such torment.

I can easily write this for multiple reasons; I have a criminal mind, I understand the basics of Psychology (maybe a little more), and I’ve done enough research on countless criminals to fully understand how it all works. It also helps that I realized at a young age how evil people are. My eyes have long been open to the reality of our world. Putting all of this together, it is actually very impressive writing.

So, just because you don’t understand how Psychology works, you deem it “bad writing?” That’s like me saying, “Psycho-Pass is a bad Anime because I have a hard time remembering their names.” (For the record, Psycho-Pass is an excellent Anime, and that’s saying something coming from me since I’m not a huge Anime person.) JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, DOESN’T MAKE IT BAD. Actually, it means either you have a warped perspective of the world, or…….. yer dumb. That’s just it. Your opinion isn’t law, it doesn’t change all of the things that make it good.

I could’ve been fine with the lack of understanding, because I can explain that. I could’ve been fine with “I dislike this story,” that doesn’t bug me. But to flat out call it bad writing is just… selfish! Especially after he/she said, “I like the series, I just don’t like this story.” So, you’re a fan, but you called me a bad writer? Doesn’t that contradict itself? You, sir or madam, do not make sense to me. Ooh! I don’t understand you, so does that make you a bad person? By your logic, it does! T_T In reality, no, it doesn’t.

BUT THEN some little punk comes in and says to me, “someone’s a little butthurt.” Wow, someone give a trophy to this huge dick, he just tore me from my V to my A. “Butthurt” and “insulted” are two different things. The thing is, I didn’t even rage at the person calling me a bad writer, I gave them a fair amount of anger that was reasonable, enough to show them that they blatantly disrespected another human being for absolutely no rational explanation. But oh, here comes Mr. Raging Testosterone to tell me I’m “butthurt.” I wonder if maybe he just needed to be burped.

Now, I don’t actually know if he/she sent that person on me, or if they even know each other, but it reminded me of what youngins do, and what I, regrettably, also used to do. Someone starts being a big meanie, so let’s send all our little friends to flame them. Like… it’s embarrassing to know that I WAS LIKE THAT!! I just gotta keep reminding myself, “I was a stupid teenager.” Teenagers think some of the most ridiculous things are important, but they’re not! They think that their petty problems matter, but they don’t! “I’m so hardcore because I have an army of friends waiting to fight my battles, the ones I started because I decided to make this person angry!” Man, I hope you grow out of it just like I did, it’s so pathetic. Teenagers… are… pathetic! That’s all there is to it!

Now, note that a lot of my fans are teenagers, but you know what? They know they’re in THE PHASE. They know what’s going on with their minds and bodies, and they know that things feel like a BIG DEAL when they’re actually not. They understand that they will grow passed that once their body hits full maturity at age twenty. Makes me wonder why eighteen is the legal age… That’s still stupid teenage time. Though, I have to say I started to wise up at nineteen because I was thrown into the real world with no preparations for it. Man, was that a smack in the face.

And if Mr. Raging Testosterone was not a friend of sir or madam, then he was just a random kid who saw the conversation, went, “ooh! I’ma gonna stert a flam warz!” As if I was going to tolerate that shit. But it still irks me. It’s none of your business, kid! You don’t even know what we’re talking about. Why were you even on my channel? Do you just randomly go to channels to start fights? Better be careful, Hot Rod, you might overwork your tiny brain. I think I can already smell it smoking.

And now here’s angry gibberish.

lrksejtrljetoju9o4t6wurhjinklfdklndklgjnmfdkxzknf;zkljnf;lkhngklnsdegrs;mnklgaze’nkG DE’nkGA;nkGA;nk;hnkrhsznknkrhsznklhfrrhszzrhnkrhznklgzrdnkFUCK.

There.

Alright, I think I got some of it out. You can tip the bottle to try and empty it, but there’s always some residue. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with so many idiots in the career I chose. It sucks when you feel like the only intelligent person left. That’s alright, I just turn to Michael or Sempai, who are also very intelligent, so they are my reminder that there are some of us left. We’re a dying breed because the stupid ones can’t keep it in their pants.

I need to get back to work now. I’m not gonna proofread this post since it was just venting, so I apologize for any typos. I type faster than I think sometimes. XD

Christmas is a Scam

A majority of America celebrates Christmas every year, and even a few other countries celebrate it. But what has it become? I’m sure, maybe a few hundred years ago, it used to be about family, and presents were given as a way to show your loved ones that you appreciate them. It was also about celebrating the birth of a baby from a supposed “virgin,” whom we all know was lying about it, she just didn’t want anyone to know she was a slut, so she claimed her baby was “the son of god.” That wouldn’t fly in this day and age.

Religious bullshit aside, seriously, Christmas is nearly a cancer now. It’s just an excuse to spend ridiculous amounts of money for people who don’t deserve it. Little kids want game consoles, the newest phone, the top gadget on the market, and you go out and get it for them so you don’t have to hear their sniveling and crying. No one appreciates a hand-knit sweater anymore. Just like every holiday, Black Friday and Christmas are just a market ploy.

Oh yeah, Black Friday. “These sales are one time only! And you can only get these items at three o’clock in the morning! You should all fight each other to the death to get this stupid crockpot!” More bullshit. You know very well that these sales aren’t “one time only.” In fact, most Black Friday “sales” last the entire weekend! Not only that, but they’re usually no different than their usual sales! They just bait you to buy more, more, MORE! Then there’s the internet, where you can find that same crockpot any time of the year for that same “sales” price.

Every Christmas commercial you see is pushing product. They are all advertisements, and for what? Some toy that your kid will get bored of in about two weeks and never play with again? A watch that your husband will accidentally break at work? A priceless necklace that your girlfriend will pawn as soon as you break up? “Give us your dirty money and buy, buy, buy!” That’s Christmas.

Because of product demand, people have to work on Christmas. They don’t get to be with their families, they don’t get to enjoy the company of their loved ones. They have to deal with a shit ton of impatient and disrespectful customers clambering to spend money they don’t have on things that no one needs. I’ve worked Christmas two out of the three years I worked at Walgreens, and it opened my eyes to what the holidays really mean.

Excuses. That’s all it is. Spend money, eat more food than usual because you’re totally not already a fat ass, and drink your liver away. Sing stupid carols that mean nothing anymore, just old timey religious propaganda. Watch little Timmy open his presents, just to see his face fall because he wanted the blue Mega Man, not the red one.

Then there’s the lying. Yes, my friends, you know what I’m talking about. Santa Clause! What is the point of telling your kid he’s real? For fun? Lying is fun for you? Or maybe you just want them to make you cookies. I deduced that Santa Clause wasn’t real when I lost a tooth and witnessed my grandmother placing money under my pillow, even though she thought I was asleep. Why do they even pay us for losing teeth anyway? I wasn’t too upset at the time, but, as an honest person, I don’t see what you get out of lying to your children. It would be good for them to know the truth so that they don’t live in their fantasy world for too long. Not enough children understand that real life is going to literally suck all of their happiness out of them when they grow up anyway, might as well start early.

I don’t have family to spend the holidays with, but I do have my boyfriend. My boyfriend who is working on Christmas Eve and day. My best friend has her own family to be with. I’m alone on a holiday that’s supposed to represent peace and love, when in reality, it represents greed, selfishness, and advertising. And you know what’s worse? We fall for it every year! Every single year!

And every holiday is the same; Valentine’s Day, Easter, Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and every other meaningless holiday in between. “Spend more money!” That’s all it is. I make presents for people, I put in hard work to create something for the people I appreciate. And you know what? If I get something in return, cool! If I don’t, that’s cool too, the person didn’t spend money on me. I’d prefer a home made gift any day, or even a Happy Meal toy over “the next big product.”

Just another excuse for corporations to suck us dry, when we barely have the money to support ourselves in this country that revolves around money, a country where everything is so expensive, only the rich people can afford anything, a country that bows down to the rich instead of focusing on those of us who are struggling just to keep a roof over our heads.

Yet still, I make a Christmas parody song every year, as if I truly enjoy the holiday, when I’m just catering to my fans. Though last year’s parody did express my thoughts and feelings pretty accurately: It’s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas (parody song)

Fuck holidays, we’d all be better without them.

 

10 Pointless Pet Peeves

  1. I hate when I just get done taking a shower, only to get covered in towel lint when I dry myself off. Nope, the purpose of the shower wasn’t to get clean at all, it’s just a time waster. T_T
  2. I set down my headphones for just a moment, and when I pick them back up, it’s all tangled.
  3. Some bastard spider came along in the night and bit me like eight times on my left pinky knuckle. What did I ever do to you, spider?
  4. WHY IS IT NINETY-EIGHT DEGREES IN LATE SEPTEMBER?!?!?!
  5. I’m not one to correct spelling or grammar on the internet, but when you spell “animatronic” like “animal tronic,” there’s kind of a problem.
  6. Try to get one thing out of the freezer………… it all falls out.
  7. There’s that moment when you feel you need to exercise, but it’s NINETY-EIGHT DEGREES IN LATE SEPTEMBER!!
  8. Can’t find your cell phone? Well, that’s because you obviously weren’t thinking, and you stuck it in the fridge with the bag of Taco Bell you just brought home.
  9. Anti-Bronies hate Bronies and Bronies hate anyone who is not a Brony and Anti-Bronies hate anyone who is not a Brony but likes the show enough to be a casual fan. BECAUSE FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION!!
  10. People still say Pluto is a planet because “that’s how they learned it.” Well, I learned that being gay was wrong, look how that turned out.