Have you ever devoted an entire segment of your life to NOT being like a certain person or persons? Yes, it’s a task that takes a lot of energy, but we being humans do it without even thinking about it. I sort of just realized the times when I’ve done it. Of course, I was VERY aware of me trying not to be like my parents; I’ve dedicated my entire life to that. But then, when I realized Ariel was going downhill, I saw all the annoying and disgusting slobby things she was doing, I purposefully made sure that my actions were as opposite as hers as possible. Of course you know, when you’re around a person for a long time, you end up adopting some of their traits. So even after I left Ariel’s house for good, I had to work to get all of the quirks she expelled on me out of my system. There was one really bad one… making constant excuses. Whenever I encountered a sort of problem, I would make an excuse, even if what I was saying was true, because I hate lying. I had to realize, no one wants to hear an explanation of what happened, they just want to hear a short “okay” or “it won’t happen again.” The reason being, when you make an excuse, it sounds like an immature teenager not taking responsibility for his/her actions. Thank god I trained myself to please my superiors by offering responsible responses. I also had to make sure I didn’t leave my dishes lying around like she did, or keeping stuff off the floor. Right now it’s hard to do that because since I’m never home, I can’t clean my room.
However, now I have a new person to keep myself from being like. I have to say, Ariel was the way she was because her mom was a horrible parent who didn’t discipline her, and Ariel also was on drugs, and very lazy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m lazy too, but only when it’s appropriate. But this girl, Michael’s current roommate whom we’re trying to get rid of, is completely sober, and as far as I know, had a responsible mother. This girl has a disability that affects her motor skills, but not her mental skills… no. She’s not mentally handicapped, she’s just normal, grade A stupid. I had no idea that a girl with good upbringing and straight edge could possibly be MORE of a slob than Ariel. Michael is the only one who does the dishes, because I have tactile defensive disorder, which makes certain senses of mine sensitive to textures like water, and this girl just plain doesn’t like it. However, when I move in, I will do all other house work; I actually enjoy it. But at least I make it easier on him by RINSING my dishes and putting them in the sink. This THING just leaves non-rinsed pots and pans on the stove, and leaves food out on the counter for days on end. She also doesn’t flush the fucking toilet. Her room is a pig sty, and I haven’t told Mike this, but I found what look horribly like boogers stuck under the bathroom counter…. I am very confused. She’s rude and disgusting, and because of this, I try my best to not do the things she does. She always coughs, but her cough is a ridiculous sounding cough which leads me to believe she’s crying for attention, so I try to actually not even cough, and when I do, I cover my mouth and try to be as silent as humanly possible. I also try my hardest not to talk to myself because she has conversations with herself. I try to be cleaner than usual, and plain not make any noise what so ever. There are other thing that I try not to do, but they’re not worth explaining. Point is, I am now conscious of my actions of trying not to adopt her horrible personality.
I don’t know why we do this. I also don’t know if I’m worse than other when it comes to this. I am a Scorpio, so I know we are meaner than an angry badger with a thorn stuck up its ass. We hold long, horrid grudges full of vengeance… so maybe my hatred for the ways she lives (like a pig) is quite hostile, but I don’t give a fuck. I believe that certain people deserve this kind of treatment, especially if you are a rude person with no respect for other people. How else are they going to learn? I had to learn the hard way. I was punished for these things too. Because of that, I believe that people can only learn by harsh methods. And if this bitch doesn’t learn, she’ll be pushed out of the gene pool… but frankly, she’s uglier than sin, so she probably shouldn’t reproduce anyway… not that anyone would want to fuck her. So those are just a couple of reasons why it would help us all if she didn’t reproduce; her stupidity and ugliness. Lauren keeps telling me that I need to reproduce because we are pretty and intelligent, and so few pretty, intelligent people are reproducing… but frankly, I don’t know if I WANT kids.
I don’t want to be like my mother, and my biggest fear is putting a child through what I had been through.