Okay, friends. First of all, this post may disturb you if you… get disturbed from these kind of things, like me. Second of all, if you’ve heard of this movie and know exactly what it’s about, you will not be surprised. However, for those of you who don’t know, I’m gonna talk about the movie…. Human Centipede.
Now, I had only heard the title of this movie, seen the poster in theatres, and the cover when it showed up on Netflix. However… well, think. What comes to your mind when you hear “human centipede?”
What comes to my mind is the following concept: There are scientists hard at work in a big, clean, futuristic laboratory. I wann say there’s like five of them. They want to create something, just to see if it would work, create something that’s never been made before; to play God. They say, “what would happen if we mixed human DNA with the DNA of some kind of insect?” Well, what would be the most interesting… the most abnormal insect to splice human DNA with? Perhaps a centipede, because they have a long body with TONS of legs… in fact, I don’t think centipedes are actually categorized as insects, since the attributes of an insect are six legs and wings; that’s what classifies them. Anyway, they capture some poor, unsuspecting soul, most likely male, but I guess it could be female if we really wanted to see boobs, and introduce centipede DNA into his body using some kind of awesome machine. The man slowly transforms into a giant centipede like creature, but with human features. Maybe a disfigured human face with sharp monstrous teeth, and a long body with many human arms and human legs, but the thing is slimy and grotesque. It gets bigger everyday, and the scientists are monitoring it. But something they didn’t expect happens. It breaks loose from its enclosure and rampages around the laboratory, which is most likely a very extensive building with many floors and rooms. And the whole movie is a sci-fi horror, where the scientists are trying to find the thing and kill it before it kills them, people dying in the process of course.
Now, wouldn’t that make a pretty cool movie? This writer didn’t think so.
Recently, I had watched the South Park episode making fun of this movie. The whole episode was about how no one actually reads the Terms and Conditions to software or websites. Let’s face it, we just don’t. It’s long, boring, and most of it we can’t even comprehend. So, Kyle didn’t read the Terms and Conditions to the new iTunes update that came with the iPad. Of course, he clicked, “I agree.” So, a bunch of people from the Apple company break into his room and try to kidnap him, saying he agreed to this. He runs off to Stan and the others, explaining what was happening. Of course, Stan was like, “dude, you didn’t read it?” And Kyle was like, “of course not! No one reads that thing!” And they all said they read it, and were completely surprised that Kyle didn’t read it, so on and so forth. So, the Apple guys kidnap him and lock him into a room with a woman and an asian man, both claiming to not have read the Terms and Conditions. The Apple guys reveal to the public that they had come up with a new product. This product was going to be made out of the man, Kyle, and the woman… their lips were to be removed and SEWN to each other’s anus…………….. yeeeeeeeaaa….. but then at the end, there would be an iPad!! It was called the Human CentiPad!!! YAY!! The concept was that it could check email, watch videos online, blah blah blah… OH, and also the three individuals’ digestive systems were linked up so they had to shit in eachother’s mouths. By the end of the episode, I turned to Michael and said, “is that REALLY what the movie is about?” After he said “yes,” I couldn’t help but look up the trailer. APARENTLY, that is EXACTLY what the movie is about, minus the iPad. After watching the very short trailer, I was so disturbed, I felt like I was going to vomit for the rest of the night, and even had to take sleeping pills to ensure the horrible thought didn’t keep me up all night. What disturbed me most is that there are sickos out there who do crazy shit like this and other stuff to innocent people out there.
But what was WRONG with the writer of this movie? Seriously, I’ve heard of some sick stuff. Like the works of the Japanese writer/director, Sion Sono.
Sion Sono made three movies that I know of; Suicide Club, Noriko’s Dinner Table (sequal to Suicide Club), and Strange Circus. Now, I saw Suicide Club and Noriko’s Dinner Table. Those were both very disturbing, but I could tolerate them, and have actually enjoyed watching them multiple times. However, Strange Circus was another story. I couldn’t sit through the first fifteen minutes. The beginning of the movie was all just the mother and the father of the story having sex, and it showed EVERYTHING. Now, I’m not against sex with your loved one, your ONE partner, but I hate seeing it in live action films. I feel awkward and sick, and I don’t know why. I’ve never been raped or molested, so that’s not it. But it gets worse. The father has a cello case with a hole in it. For a few nights, the father forces his daughter to sit in the cello case and watch them have sex, but the mother had no idea. This little girl is like eleven or twelve. One day, the father opens the case and says, “she’s been watching the whole time.” The mother is humiliated and horrified, and who wouldn’t be? So then, the father makes the mother sit in the cello case and watch as he RAPES THE DAUGHTER. By then, a line had been crossed and I turned it off. I went to a message board where we talked mostly of Suicide Club and asked if the movie got worse. They said it did, so since then, I haven’t touched the movie at all. I get sick when I even hear the word “rape.” I think it’s one of the most horrible things you can do to someone, and people should be punished much more harshly for it. I’m glad that rapists are very much frowned upon by other criminals in prisons.
Then there are the Saw movies and the Hostile movies. I won’t even watch those, never have, never will. I’ve heard enough about them that I know I can’t stomach them. There are just some things I can’t handle.
Back to Human Centipede. If I was in that situation, I’d rather endure the pain of ripping my mouth off some stranger’s anus and trying desperately to either escape, or kill my capture, most likely getting killed in the process. I don’t wanna die, and if I had to die, I don’t want it to be by some psycho killing me. But come on. If that happened to you, you’d be fucking SCARRED. I don’t think you’d ever wanna see another person ever again. The anus is the most disgusting places on the human body, and no one should ever go near it. It’s better to pretend it doesn’t exist whenever you can.
It’s funny though. I was playing Silent Hill: Homecoming the other day, and Michael was watching me. I got to a boss fight, and this creature came out. My jaw dropped, and I exclaimed, “THAT’S WHAT I IMAGINE WHEN I HEAR ‘HUMAN CENTIPEDE!!!'” Here is said boss:
It’s not EXACTLY what I imagined, (you know, not what looks like a bunch of people linked together, but one person…) but pretty damn close. Leave it to Silent Hill to come up with this great monster. And I thought the previous boss, Scarlet was good. This “human centipede’s” name is Asphyxia. She’s pretty tough until you really get the hang of dodging her attacks. She likes to try to hit you three times in a row before you can land a hit on her, and you can’t REALLY get her until she lunges at you, and you have to dodge successfully in order to hit her tail and stun her.
Anyway, I refuse to see Human Centipede, and frankly, I wonder how the reviews were. I heard that a comedy group was going to perform Human Centipede: The Musical. I actually wouldn’t mind watching THAT. I will not post the trailer. If you’re interested, go look for it yourself. -_-