On February 21, 2008, a boy named Koda was born. But he was not born as a baby. He was me. I had bought a wig so I could be L from DeathNote for halloween, and I had aquired a lot of boyish black clothing from my gothic years. I also had an ace bandage for my ankle injury. Not only that, but I had a black beanie that I had no use for. I thought, “what would I look like as a boy?” So I bound up my chest, put on the wig and the beanie, and darkened my makeup as much as I used to when I was gothic. And Koda was born. He became a character in mine and Lauren’s roleplay; Tenji’s son. But he also became my alter ego, a person I could play when I didn’t want to be me, which was often. Even though I knew Koda was me, and I was well aware that I had a vagina, he still felt like a different person. He had an attitude that I seemed to not be able to achieve as myself, and frankly, I couldn’t even roleplay online as him without dressing as him. He even walked around with Lauren and Ariel, and was addressed as Koda. Here’s the two very first pictures ever taken of him:
Of course, back then, because I was so skinny and had no hips and barely any breasts, I was able to look much like a boy. But as I got healthier and gained a little weight, the illusion sort of wore off. Before, Koda could walk around the mall and have girls flirt with him, thinking he was a guy. But after, Koda was called a girl.
However, the funnest part of playing Koda was people trying to figure out if he was really me or not. My old friends Courtney and Kade thought he was really a guy, mostly because of this picture:
I used my gay friend’s body for this picture, since at the time, we had the same body type. At this time, I realized I could’ve done a better job at photoshopping. Another fun part was my Youtube viewers. I made up that Koda didn’t have a computer, and exchange for using mine, he share my channel. I had three types of people comment. One, the people who were really confused, and had trouble figuring out if he was really a different person. Two, the people who knew it was me, but played along. Those people I liked. And three, the people who knew it was me, but made it less fun for everyone else by trying to expose me. Those comments I deleted. I wanted people to enjoy him, but of course, you’re always gonna get stupid people on the internet. Here’s Koda’s first video:
Of course, it was hard to make my voice sound like a guy’s. I made it as low as I could, but it wasn’t really fooling anyone. I tried to play it off like he had a tenor’s voice, and I’ve known guys to have voices like that.
Another issue I ran into was people thought Koda was emo. He wasn’t, he was a gothic rocker type guy. Also, people thought he was gay. When I invented him, I made him straight as a board. He wore makeup because he wasn’t afraid to express himself. There are a lot of straight guys who wear dark rocker makeup. However, there was this girl on Youtube who took clips of my videos and made a music video to “Pretty Rave Girl.” It was so good, it won my heart. But soon after that, she stole clips from the above video and dubbed it over saying Koda was gay. I reported her for using my clips, and her account was cancelled immediately. Just an hour later, she made another account called KodaKindaGay. She made like four more videos, some portraying Koda as gay, or me as homophobic. This was while I was bisexual too, and I had a gay best friend. How the hell could I be homophobic. I tried to report her videos for copywrite, as did my friends and subscribers. Nothing worked. I even wrote a letter to Youtube explaining the whole situation, but they didn’t respond, let alone take action. This girl changed her age from 16 to 22 in a day, and sent me a message saying, “Are you tired of me yet? I’m going to harrass you to the end of your sanity,” or something like that. I didn’t respond. I blocked her, I was tired. I had a girl comment me saying, “Don’t worry about her. I know her in person, and all she does is be bitchy to people.” I don’t know if this girl ever knew ME in person, but whether or not she did, she had no right to harrass me, especially when she got on my good side at first. Last time I checked, she hadn’t touched that channel since like a month after I blocked her. But, THANKS Youtube, thanks for looking out for your users.
I played Koda for a couple of years, but I played him less as I started beauty college. I found less time, and Lauren also got a job and had school, so she couldn’t visit me or him much. Then, I got hired at walgreens and met Michael, so I had even less time. Not only that, but I didn’t want to be Koda around Michael, because I know he’d be weirded out. Finally, I decided to give Koda up. Not only did I not have time, but I was also turning twenty that November, and I figured I was too old for that. I had already given up online roleplaying. So I retired him after my birthday, and made him go out with a bang, creating a video in his honor that opens with a kickass music video to Marilyn Manson’s “This is the New Shit.” Here is said video:
Greatest video editing I ever did, and people were pretty impressed by the music video segment of the video. We made up that he and his family were moving to Japan. And so ended Koda. I try to keep him alive by working him into comics or pictures, or even making video game characters based on him, like a wrestler version of him in Smackdown VS. Raw 2011. They never come out perfect, but you can only do so much.
Frankly, whenever I look at pictures of him, I really miss him. I think the biggest thing I miss is taking pictures of him. He was so fun to look at, because, let’s face it. He was pretty hot. I could care less about roleplaying as him or making videos, I just want to take pictures of him. Maybe at some point I will continue that, just for fun.
But I had a great idea to buy another black wig in the same style, hair over one side of his face, except longer, and have him return after a few years, just to do one comeback video, and also to take pictures. I had a hilarious idea to have him make a badass music video to “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by the Scorpions. But I don’t know if I will have the ability to do that, so it may just be another dream.
I miss him, Lauren misses him, and a lot of his fans on Youtube miss him. But like they say, all good things must come to an end. Goodbye Koda.